[andycamp]

As some of you may or may not know I wrote a post last week about a hard time I was having and wether to email my T or not to be honest with her about how I was feeling after our apt and how I am just holding everything in and putting on a front for everyone. Well today did not go well at my apt and she gave me 2 choices part way through our meeting after I shared some info with her. She said I could be hospitalized or she could call my mom since I live at home (that would be the person to contact) even though not the one I would want her to share the info with, but hospitalization was not a choice plus my mom would just find out what was going on if I were to get hospitalized. Now I am feeling more miserable. I am home from my apt, my therapist spoke briefly to my mom and I have followed through on all her request since I got home but I feel bad burden my mom and worrying her and I feel ashamed of how I am feeling even though I can't get the neg thoughts our of my mind. I feel like I am losing ground and have not much hope. I wonder if I can do this. I have no one to talk to but my therapist and even she said it is often like pulling teeth to get me to talk about what needs to be talked about. Why is my life such as mess? Why am I having such bad feelings? I can't afford for this to be happening and I can't afford to be hospitalized. I already have had to take sick leave the past two years and it is not looked upon well. I feel like I am being hit by a tornado and everything is whirling around and I am caught in the funnel and can't get out. What do I do does anyone understand. I feel as though I am getting back to my lowest low. sinking and sinking fast and now things are not just in my control. I feel like a kid no5 being trusted.
Andy

[tarabug922]

Andy,

I just wanted to let you know that I do understand where you are coming from. I've struggled with major depression for years and the cycle keeps repeating itself. I'm sorry you're feeling like your lowest low is coming back. Maybe it is time for a brief hospitalization. Maybe your therapist has some ideas as to how to help you open up. Perhaps start there and see how things go. Let your pdoc know what is going on too, maybe he/she can adjust your meds to help.

Love and Hugs,
Tara

[Capp]

((Andy))
I'm so sorry that you are going through this rough time...

You've shared what many of us have felt before, and I thank you for your honesty.

Andy, your mum was most likely aware of the problems, and it may have given her some comfort in knowing your therapist is aware of it.
Please remember you are your number one priority; your mum will take care of herself.

You say, "I can't afford for this to be happening..." Perhaps that should be turned around...you can't afford for it not to be happening.
It doesn't feel good, but this is an opportunity for you to take care of things. You've a chance to get out of a world of hurt and into a world of peace and hope.

Please don't beat yourself up--at any given time we are doing the best we can.

Cap

[madisgram]

i'm sorry about what happened at the T and your mom for you to be so upset. what i can say to you is that it took courage for you to 'own" up to the T about what's going on. in the long run it will help you because you took this big step and now "own" your therapy. you've broken through a barrier you put up so i feel like this is just the beginning of some real good stuff for you. try to be more gentle with yourself, andy. we benefit when we learn something even tho at the time it may be painful. you're heading in a very positive direction in therapy. it may be difficult for you to believe me just yet but there's going to be good changes in your life by your being so honest with the T.hugs to you and know we are always here for you. actually i'm quite proud of you for what you have done.