Might need hospitalization

Yesterday in therapy we talked about how I'm having increased depression, suicidal thoughts and began to self-injure again. He had me do the assessment out loud!! Sheesh...just because I can and that it can keep
me from fragmenting so much! The suicidal thoughts are increasing and are intrusive throughout the day. I have a plan.

I self-injured everyday last week, Monday through Friday. But, I have stopped for now. It started when we talked about my self-hatred.

Depression wise I'm labile, tearful (which I've never been before), fatigue, sleeping too much and too little, anhedonia, everything takes so much effort, decreased appetite without weight loss, and decreased hygiene (I haven't shampooed my hair in two or three days and on days I don't need to be anywhere I don't shower, change out of my pajamas, brush my teeth). (Do you feel like you are reading a case presentation?)

Anyway, he asked if it was bad enough to require hospitalization. I said that I am walking a thin line, but I think that I am okay for now. When it comes to hospitalization now, he lets me decide after we talk about it based on that I've told him when I have needed it in the past. I really am on that edge. Objectively, if I heard what I said, I would have hospitalized myself, but I really don't think it is necessary now. I know what hospitalization is like and I would go back to the same place.

So, no hospitalization for now, but three assignments:
1. give my medications to my husband and on Monday to my therapist
2. call my psychiatrist and inform him of what is going on. That really upset me because he thinks that I need hospitalization just to get through this difficult time.
3. call and leave a status message with my therapist on Saturday and Sunday.

All my life, I've had periods like this and never had anyone to tell. It felt so good just to be able to tell him, but it doesn't make it go away.

(((((((( ClinicallyClueless ))))))))

My thoughts are with you.

It's good that everyone is on your side. Hospitalization is ok if it is needed, it is a safe place. But it sounds like you have good support and with checking in with your T, it may not be needed. Sometimes the anxiety of worrying whether you'll have to go in can make things seem even worse.

I'm glad you have the support around you.

(((((((((( ClinicallyClueless )))))))))))))))

I am sorry that you are having a rough time, I hope that working with your T helps but like pegasus said hospitalization is okay when it's needed.

((((CClueless)))) i'm glad you have the support you have now. no, it doesn't make it go away, but it does disperse the "power" the depression had until you shared it with your T. as a matter of fact it sounds like you have some good support systems in place. that will help you get through the process of healing.. & baby steps and willingness are all that's needed to help you on to recovery. you're doing both. I'm proud of you!

Clinically Clueless,

I am so glad that you have a workable plan to identify when you might need hospitalization. You have come a long way towards healing. I know because I've been there myself and made the decision to go inpatient when it was necessary. I also admire you for taking other steps such as giving your meds to your husband and checking in with your therapist and psych. Those are really good steps. I trust you'll make the right decision if and when it becomes necessary.

How does it make you feel knowing you have a support team in place?

Don't worry too much about the anedhonia. That has stuck with me despite meds and successful treatment. I still don't shower everyday or wash my hair all that often but I am functional for the most part.

Love and Hugs,
Tara

Tarabug,

Thank you. The carrying out the plan helped me in terms of realizing what is going on with me. "How does it feel knowing you have a support team in place?" Terrifying. That means facing reality and trusting others. Yikes!!

Thank you for the compliments and encouraging words.

ClinicallyClueless,

That's great that despite it being terrifying you are actually taking the steps to do what you need to in order to take care of yourself. Amazing strength, honestly. Good job and keep it up.

Love and Hugs,
Tara

I think you are getting onto the path to your own recovery...

It is going to be filled with relief, progress, and little epiphanies, along with feeling better about yourself as you continue.

I'm excited for you ~

Peace,
Nightbird

I am v. glad you have a strong support system - extrememly important! I have had times when I needed hopitalization. Afterwards it was a new beginning for me!! w/ skills & techniques to apply to my life.

I'm so glad you have so many ppl on your side

Much Love
Holmes

Tomorrow morning (Monday), I am going to go my therapy session and then my husband is taking me to the hospital for an intake interview and then, I will probably be admitted.

Thank you for all your support. I will let you know when I am back.

CC

We will be waiting to hear about how you progress ~

Bless your ever-loving heart, Dear Person



Get well soon ~



Hope you find the peace we all all searching for ~
Nightbird
xoxo

Clinically Clueless, I commend you for taking steps to improve your emotional state. We do have something in common. On my worst days, personal hygiene is the last thing on my mind. It's kind of embarrassing, but I believe common among us depression sufferers. I too can go without brushing my teeth, taking a shower, shampooing my hair, getting out of pajamas and putting on other clothes, etc. In fact, if I didn't have a spouse I don't think I would even try to keep up personal appearances.

CC, make sure you keep all your appointments and don't give up. You are only making your emotional situation better. You have a medical professional who values your opinion. That's really important.