[kvinneakt]

FAST! That is how I go to feeling quite blue. 62 is where I just placed on the the site's depression test.

This is just about the quickest toss into the pit I have ever had. Unlike most past depressions, it was triggered by life events. Life mistakes. I don't know if fast down means a fast up, or what.

I don't know exactly how to read the rules about suicidal ideation. Does that mean not acting out? Does that mean not saying you are doing this? I am not even sure how to define it.

I am strong enough to NOT do anything like act out suicide. What is bothering me are the intruding thoughts of the relief of being hit by a bus or other accident. I am strong enough, and motivated enough to weather the storm, but it is a nasty one.

Please don't tell me how "blessed" I am! I KNOW this. It is like telling someone obese they are fat. DUH! It is not helpful. I look forward to the time when I feel blessed, but it sure ain't now that it is happening. Scientists can stir up all the ingredients of a living cell in a tube, but it won't come to life. My life's ingredients are right for happiness, but it is not working out that way. Instead, it is **** soup.

This morning is crummy. Last night was horrible. Yesterday morning I actually felt pretty good. If today goes down as did yesterday, I am in trouble. Last night was so bad I was pretty close to calling myself in as a psych emergency.

You folks at the other end of this electron stream have been so valuable in the past. I am hanging on the line for a few words now and then from you once again.

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( kv ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

being thrown into a quick depression is SOOOO hard...it really us reeling without the tools to pick ourselves back up.

good self care about acknowledging the psych emergency. use that if you need to.

about the only thing that gets me thru times like this is to keep repeating to self...i've been here before, and was ok. i'll be ok again. i know that doesn't help much, but it does give the smallest relief for me.

sending peaceful wishes to you,

[MacD]

A Huge Hug For You, KV and Keep Hanging In There....love mac

[kvinneakt]

I have had many dips in this pool of sht and so far, came up and washed off every time. That certain knowledge is a life saver. Literally. This morning, so far, is nowhere near as bad as last night, but my "score" is still high, so I am very wary of what the rest of the day will bring. As I age my resilience is not what it used to be. Not this time, but one of these episodes, someday, will be the last. It is maybe a bit like having a slow cancer and the knowledge during cycles of remission that it will eventually be your destiny to succumb.

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((((((((( kv )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))