[my3sns]

Ok so here goes .... please take care of yourself in reading this.

TRIGGER WARNING

So on monday i went to my pdoc's office for an appt, and as i am signing in the secretary ( a back up secretary) says to me " do you know you have the handwriting of a serial killer?". I was like OMG i cant believe that she just said that to me . However i tried to let it go and just move on with my appt and believe that she was just joking around with me. I was not very successful and it really got the best of me . So on tuesday morning i decided to call the office and talk to the regular secretary, explain to her what happened and see if something could be done. She was shocked at what was said to me and told me that she had to tell the office manager about the incident.(and very apologetic too) I wasnt really happy about that , since i know this other secretary has a young child and i didnt want her to get in trouble , i just wanted her to think before she talks. So anyway this has really lingered in my mind and has gone places that i never even imagined that it would. I have been consumed with things like .. i wonder if they all think that about me there, i worry that maybe she has studied handwriting and knows something about this stuff, it brought up things from when i was a kid .. I am left handed and i am the only one in my entire family that is. And when i was younger they used to try to make me right handed (since you were possessed if you were left handed).. not to mention the fact that 2-3 days a week she has access to my files ugh! Anyway those are just a few of my thoughts.
Intellectually i know that i am blowing this way out of proportion and should just let it go , but its really freaking me out ! Normally i can just pretend that things are just fine and move on , but not this , its getting the best of me. I have an appt to go back to the office (since my p doc and T are in the same office )on monday of this week , but i honestly just dont think that i am going to be able to bring myself to go. It stinks .. i have been a patient there for 4 yrs now and have never had a problem .. until now . And i cant just stop therapy or taking my meds ( at least the doc does work out of another office ) so if i had to i could see her there , but not my therapist.
I just cant comprehend why someone who is working in the field of mental health would think a comment like that was funny , or appropriate ! Someone please tell me that i am not crazy and that these feelings will pass , and that i am not being a whining baby for reporting her to the office manager.
By the way if it matters i am 41 yrs old . And my current diagnosis are PTSD , Major depression , and Bi Polar .
Lisa

[Berries]

Firstly, I'm so sorry that that happened. It sounds like it was an inappropriate comment on the secretaries part and she should be reprimanded. I think you did the right thing in reporting this.

It' also sounds like it was just a joke. But even if she was serious and Even if she has studied handwriting, even if she thought she could tell, there is no way she could tell if you were a serial killer.

I assuming you are NOT a serial killer. Have you serial killed in the past? Do you have urges that you will? Do you have OCD? Sometimes people with OCD (I am one of them) have pretty bizarre fears. Is this what is going on?

I think she triggered something and you are freaking about it.

I really, really do NOT think that the office personnel is thinking this about you. Even if, your pdoc and T have written it in a file that they think you are a serial killer. Do you really think they would do that?

I really, really don't think that anyone thinks that you are a serial killer.
Because if they did, your pdoc and T would have talked to you about it. They wouldn't let their employees gossip about something like this! It's not appropriate office gossip.

I don't think anyone, but that silly secretary, who probably said it as a joke and then forgot she even said it, has had it even cross their minds.
Please don't let this keep you from getting therapy. It sounds like you like this T, if you've seen him/her for 4 years.

I can understand why this would upset you. I’m glad you posted.

In my opinion, it is OK to go back to that office on Monday with NO worries that anyone there thinks you are a serial killer OR inappropriate for reporting that secretary.

[brephi]

Originally Posted by my3sns

Ok so here goes .... please take care of yourself in reading this.

TRIGGER WARNING

So on monday i went to my pdoc's office for an appt, and as i am signing in the secretary ( a back up secretary) says to me " do you know you have the handwriting of a serial killer?". I was like OMG i cant believe that she just said that to me . However i tried to let it go and just move on with my appt and believe that she was just joking around with me. I was not very successful and it really got the best of me . So on tuesday morning i decided to call the office and talk to the regular secretary, explain to her what happened and see if something could be done. She was shocked at what was said to me and told me that she had to tell the office manager about the incident.(and very apologetic too) I wasnt really happy about that , since i know this other secretary has a young child and i didnt want her to get in trouble , i just wanted her to think before she talks. So anyway this has really lingered in my mind and has gone places that i never even imagined that it would. I have been consumed with things like .. i wonder if they all think that about me there, i worry that maybe she has studied handwriting and knows something about this stuff, it brought up things from when i was a kid .. I am left handed and i am the only one in my entire family that is. And when i was younger they used to try to make me right handed (since you were possessed if you were left handed).. not to mention the fact that 2-3 days a week she has access to my files ugh! Anyway those are just a few of my thoughts.
Intellectually i know that i am blowing this way out of proportion and should just let it go , but its really freaking me out ! Normally i can just pretend that things are just fine and move on , but not this , its getting the best of me. I have an appt to go back to the office (since my p doc and T are in the same office )on monday of this week , but i honestly just dont think that i am going to be able to bring myself to go. It stinks .. i have been a patient there for 4 yrs now and have never had a problem .. until now . And i cant just stop therapy or taking my meds ( at least the doc does work out of another office ) so if i had to i could see her there , but not my therapist.
I just cant comprehend why someone who is working in the field of mental health would think a comment like that was funny , or appropriate ! Someone please tell me that i am not crazy and that these feelings will pass , and that i am not being a whining baby for reporting her to the office manager.
By the way if it matters i am 41 yrs old . And my current diagnosis are PTSD , Major depression , and Bi Polar .
Lisa

My3sns, I understand you completely. That back-up secretary was very unprofessional and should have been reprimanded (fired). You did the right thing when you reported her. You are right to be concerned about your files because she may have had access to your personal records and that's a cause for concern.

I think she needs to make an appointment with a mental health professional because she sounds very unstable. YOU ARE NOT OVERREACTING.

BY NO MEANS, DO NOT CANCEL YOUR APPOINTMENTs, ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU'VE ESTABLISHED A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH BOTH YOUR PDOC AND THERAPIST AND DON'T FEEL GUILTY FOR REPORTING THAT FOOL. SHE DESERVED IT.

MY3sns, you also take care of yourself.

[my3sns]

Originally Posted by Lbien6

Firstly, I'm so sorry that that happened. It sounds like it was an inappropriate comment on the secretaries part and she should be reprimanded. I think you did the right thing in reporting this.

It' also sounds like it was just a joke. But even if she was serious and Even if she has studied handwriting, even if she thought she could tell, there is no way she could tell if you were a serial killer.

I assuming you are NOT a serial killer. Have you serial killed in the past? Do you have urges that you will? Do you have OCD? Sometimes people with OCD (I am one of them) have pretty bizarre fears. Is this what is going on?

I think she triggered something and you are freaking about it.

I really, really do NOT think that the office personnel is thinking this about you. Even if, your pdoc and T have written it in a file that they think you are a serial killer. Do you really think they would do that?

I really, really don't think that anyone thinks that you are a serial killer.
Because if they did, your pdoc and T would have talked to you about it. They wouldn't let their employees gossip about something like this! It's not appropriate office gossip.

I don't think anyone, but that silly secretary, who probably said it as a joke and then forgot she even said it, has had it even cross their minds.
Please don't let this keep you from getting therapy. It sounds like you like this T, if you've seen him/her for 4 years.

I can understand why this would upset you. I’m glad you posted.

In my opinion, it is OK to go back to that office on Monday with NO worries that anyone there thinks you are a serial killer OR inappropriate for reporting that secretary.

By the way no i am not a serial killer , have never considered myself as violent in any way!
I dont know if i have OCD per se , but i do have some rituals and definately have some bizarre fears, just dont think at this point any of that has come up in T or with the pdoc.
Intelectually i know that no one in that office has any concerns about me, especially in that sort of way. And i know for a fact that there is nothing in my records that would indicate anything even remotely close to what this lady said about me. Thats not the concern that i was trying to describe .. I guess what i was thinking when i said that "she has acess to my records " i was thinking more along the lines of .. just the fact that she can access my therapy notes and i dont feel confortable with that. Since there are very private , personal things in that file and i would never choose to share that stuff with someone so insensitive. As well as now that i have reported what she said , she would have access to things like my address and phone number ect..

[my3sns]

Originally Posted by brephi

My3sns, I understand you completely. That back-up secretary was very unprofessional and should have been reprimanded (fired). You did the right thing when you reported her. You are right to be concerned about your files because she may have had access to your personal records and that's a cause for concern.

I think she needs to make an appointment with a mental health professional because she sounds very unstable. YOU ARE NOT OVERREACTING.

BY NO MEANS, DO NOT CANCEL YOUR APPOINTMENTs, ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU'VE ESTABLISHED A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH BOTH YOUR PDOC AND THERAPIST AND DON'T FEEL GUILTY FOR REPORTING THAT FOOL. SHE DESERVED IT.

MY3sns, you also take care of yourself.

Thank you .. I hope that some way between now and than i will find the strength to go to the appt , but i honestly am just terrified at the thought, but will do my level best .