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#1
Jan 22, 2009, 09:10 PM
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I feel so sad and lonely. I feel like a failure/loser at life. I feel all alone in the world. Don't know what to do. It's gotten so bad that I overmedicate on Clonzapam to cope with stress and anxiety.
 
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#2
Jan 22, 2009, 11:48 PM
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zen
 why do you feel so sad and lonely? why do u feel like a failure at life? i used to say "i didn't do life well.' i learned in therapy how to live and today my life is good i've learned how to do life well...yours can be too.
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
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#3
Jan 23, 2009, 04:54 AM
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(((((((((((((((((( Zenerooni ))))))))))))))))))
 Love ya sweetheart, I'm sorry you're not feeling great. What do you mean you overmedicate? Do you take more than your doc has asked you to? If so, go speak to him/her... they need to know what you're taking for many reasons. Also, if you don't think they're working your doc may have other suggestions. Take care hunny, stay safe Molly
__________________
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter |
 Zen888
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#4
Jan 23, 2009, 10:41 AM
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(((((((((((((((( Zen888 )))))))))))))))))
__________________
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| Zen888
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#5
Jan 23, 2009, 10:58 AM
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Quote:
>My brother and I dont get along and dont speak/see each other (He has alot of anger towards my illness, hospitalizations...etc) >Only 2 good friends >Go home and all I have is my dog ... no human contact I feel like a failure at life because: >I dont have my certificate from my program yet and im struggling to attend college on a regular basis >I'm not married, no boyfriend, no children......I feel washed up and I'm only in my early 30's but look 25ish. >I have no job >Ppl I know seem to have it all.....loving family, career......list goes on.
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#6
Jan 23, 2009, 12:39 PM
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Zen,
I spent decades living in that sad and lonely place. My heart hurts for you being there right now. Remember being that sad and lonely even when I was with people. I didn't feel like anyone really knew me, or understood me, I thought I was the only one who felt that way. I believed everyone else had wonderful lives and families that loved them. It was in support groups and 12 step rooms where I discovered that many people experience the same thing. We are pretty good at hiding our real selves. I had been deeply wounded as a child and I couldn't show the pain, I didn't know what to with it, so I stuffed it deep inside. That pain, those wounds colored everything in my life. I saw the world through that pain and those wounds. I couldn't receive love even when it was there for me. I expected to not be loved, to be judged and to be hurt so that's what I saw even if it really wasn't there at all. I was basing every decision, every attitude, every action on my perceptions of the world and they were wrong. Not everyone was my mom or dad. Not everyone was out to get something. Not everyone would judge me harshly. But I believed that with all my heart. After many years I had to start looking at what I was thinking. I had to write down those thoughts and really question their truth. For me, it was God who showed me the truth with the help of a wonderful therapist. Yet, even then, these were my core beliefs and it was so hard to let go of them. I'm still working through that process. I thought I was emotionally crippled for life. The real sickness lay in my thoughts and beliefs not my emotions. I shared all that to say this. What you feel and believe and think can change. How you see yourself can change. I doesn't have to always be this way. There are ways out of this sad and lonely place. It is a journey and the folks here are willing to support you as you take steps through. You are not alone. We do understand. Judy
__________________
However confused the scene of our life appears, however torn we may be who now do face that scene, it can be faced, and we can go on to be whole. |
| Zen888
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#7
Jan 23, 2009, 08:26 PM
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I know how you feel. You shouldn't let yourself feel this way. I always feel like a loser because I think I have no friends, even though I do. I know how feeling like a failure feels just as well, because nothing I do is ever good enough for my mom. I don't want to see people feeling like me, because I started feeling suicidal when my grandmother died when I was only nine. I'm eleven now, and although I seem young, I know depression all too well. I feel like on here is the only place where I can talk to people about it. I've told my mom that sometimes I just want to die, and she says I'm being dramatic. Just remember that people on here understand and you can't be a loser if so many people feel the same way.
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| Zen888
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#8
Jan 27, 2009, 07:02 PM
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Zen, I feel like I am in a black tunnel. Over the past 3 years, I've known much sorrow. I can't talk to anyone about it because people are so judgmental and negative. That's what I like about this site. You can express your feelings and only get support. This site is for people like you and I who are going through issues and have no where to turn. You are not alone.
__________________
brephi |
| Zen888
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#9
Jan 28, 2009, 12:14 AM
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Oh Zen, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. You are NOT a failure at life! you may not have you're certificate from your program yet but you are working towards something and that is great! That's not failure. And you are not alone, we are all here for you. Big Hugs
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| Zen888
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#10
Jan 28, 2009, 02:00 AM
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I also feel sad and lonely and that's when I can sleep for days. I also take
Clonazepam,at night 2 and a half mg. I am so happy you have a dog. I wish I had one so I can hug him and just tell him how I feel. Dogs are very theraputic and they will never leave you. We are here for you, as you can see a lot of people care.I have been through so much, but just when I feel really down, I turn on tv and wouldn't you know it, someone else is on that has a lot of medical conditions. I commend you for going to school, I think you are doing great, you have a goal. Anyways, please stay safe
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| Zen888
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#11
Jan 28, 2009, 08:52 AM
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((((((((((((zen))))))))))))
__________________
As long as people aren't asking me if i'm all right, i am alright. |
| Zen888
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#12
Jan 28, 2009, 10:11 AM
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Thank you for your support and hugs!
I still feel like a total reject and loser in society. I withdrew from a course at college. I am down to just one course. We were starting to do group work in this course I withdrew from for medical reasons. I have paranoid thoughts that my group members will judge me harshly and be very upset with me. I also have thoughts of dying. 
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#13
Jan 28, 2009, 10:20 AM
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I'm sorry you are so sad and lonely. Hang in there. You are not alone. We are here. We aren't inrl people, but we are real people who care about you and feel the same way you do. Hang in there and keep posting,OK? PM me if you want.  PS I'm so glad you have your dog, too. |
| Zen888
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#14
Jan 28, 2009, 10:58 PM
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Quote:
,for taking the time to reply to my post. there are things bothering you and i've felt very much like you do now. it is a lonely place and i remember thinking that it took so much mental energy to just get through the day. i used to say i was helpless and hopeless. that i didn't do life well, as i said in the previous post. can you draw a line down a piece of paper and title one side assets and the other liabilities? the assets are things you believe are "good' things you like about yourself. the liabilities would be things like you posted..have no job, etc. if you really work at these lists i think you will be surprised at what you see. for example, i bet you are a very good friend to your 2 friends or they wouldn't be your friend! that's an asset. hope this helps you. hang onto the hope that things can improve. if it happened to me, it can happen to you. try to do that list, k?
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
| Zen888
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#15
Jan 30, 2009, 06:32 AM
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(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((zen))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
  Love and hugs! Molly
__________________
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter |
| Zen888
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#16
Jan 31, 2009, 10:03 PM
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Hey Zenn, I know just how you feel. But I'm much older than you are. It's getting harder and harder for me to recover from hurt. I know I need to love myself more. It may be a good place to start, but it sure is hard sometimes.
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| Zen888
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#17
Feb 05, 2009, 12:10 AM
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I hear you Zen
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| Zen888
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#18
Feb 05, 2009, 06:29 AM
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Quote:
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#19
Feb 05, 2009, 11:28 AM
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Yes, I take clonzapam as a treatment.
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#20
Feb 06, 2009, 05:27 PM
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Quote:
GOD BLESS YOU
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| Zen888
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#21
Feb 06, 2009, 07:13 PM
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I am feeling so depressed and hopeless for the past 2 weeks. College stresses me out. I worry about my future because I can handle the course load at college. I hate college, I dislike most of the ppl in my program, I don't feel supported by the program in regards to my medical condition, and I am overwhelmed by an assignment that I don't understand and requires a mini class presentation.
This morning I took a sleeping pill to numb me up. It worked. Why can't I be numb all the time?
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