wondering...

how much the approval or otherwise of others affects you when depressed?

if it is disapproval, it makes me worse. I have a hard time with trying to please people and when I feel like a failure and such, it just makes it more difficult.

{{{{{{Fuzzy}}}}}}}

Mary Alice

(((((((Fuzzy)))))))) disapproval gets me every time whether I'm depressed or not. I can't stand the thought of letting someone down or making them angry.

Worse. Definitely worse. What people think can deal a wicked blow to my self-esteem and makes it harder for me to convince myself I'm not a failure or worthless. But on the upside, if I stick close to the support network I have with my family and some of my very close friends, it really, really helps make the depression more manageable.

What others thinks of me when I am depressed greatly effects me, sometimes even certain peoples approval upsets me, it just depends on the person.

(((((((((((((((( fuzzybear )))))))))))))))

HUGE for so many

*agrees with above posts*

approval for/from others is an intersection for me.. i seek to be accepted by a combination of factors.. acceptance by others is relative to acceptance by society for me.. belonging to a society creates (for me) a desire to work well with others in such a way that elevates my own needs, along with others, into the realm of wants, both individual and group... being sensitive to others is a requirement of a community that functions in unity and direction for itself and its own members as well.. jmo

Disapproval rips me to shreds whether I'm depressed or not, tho obviously it's worse when I'm depressed. I know that my self-worth shouldn't depend on others, but knowing and believing it as truth are 2 different things
Approval is trickier tho. On a good day, approval can lift me up, when I can sort-of believe the compliment/sentiment. Some days I just dismiss it as lies/ppl being nice to me but not rly meaning it. While on bad days, approval can make me burst into tears because I dont 'deserve' their niceness...
Obviously I have a lot of work to do in t!!

*Willow*

Strange thing with approval/disapproval when I am in a depressive "down" phase.

To begin with approval, it does not matter as much as it should and as it usually in more balanced phases would! I seem to be more resistant to positive things, no matter what it actually is.

On the other side, disapproval comes in deep, as if the doors were wide open, as if they were welcome! And that in a situation when there is enough "negative"...

As I see it, while depressive, there is a self-damaging, self-hurting or self-downing process at work that I can hardly influence or operate. As in general, being depressive means to me being helpless in a way, being unable to control most things, including the depressed mood itself.

So my reaction usually is withdrawal from others who could stress me or, worse, hurt me when I am more vulnerable than ever.

Generally, I try to avoid any overflow of input, since I am not able to handle the normal levels of stimuli. So best thing has always been drawback to tranquility to give my mind a obviously necessary rest for recreation.

Simple approvals like hugs, pats on the shoulder, caressing, stroking are welcome and helpful, I found out - much more than any words.

bluenarciss

hmmm reading this over, i realize I have something to add.

Approval of others affects you TONS, especially when you're depressed.
But I think the main goal, the main REASON it affects us so much is our view of ourselves.

So often when we're depressed, we have such bad images of ourselves; we see ourselves in the worst light possible so much of the time. I've called myself "slime" "horrible person" the list goes on... I'm sure many of you have felt that too.

I think, that by learning to approve of OURSELVES, we will need less approval from others. If we TRULY , COMPLETELY believe that we are good people, that we see our good parts and are happy about them, and realize the bad but don't let that get us down, we can be FREE from the need of other's approval.

Because, I think what we look for in approval from others is something to say... we are ok. We're good. We're not slime, horrible creatures.

But, that answer has to come from INSIDE us, within us.

I hope we can all find that belief in ourselves, and love for ourselves.

You got it T. That's why I like to be alone!

I think you've hit the nail on the head with that one turquoise!

*Willow*

I would like to add one thought: I found my need for approval had much to do with my lack of accepting my psychic health condition. I did not accept my limitations and "handicaps" caused by my disorders, to be precise, I did not really accept being ill. And according to this I did not or no longer accept myself, "being like that".

That was a mistake, as I see it now.

From the moment I gave up fighting against myself, peace came, and acceptance, and I could tolerate my limits much more. Since then I became stable. On a certain level of course, but stable.

to everyone who wants one,
bluenarciss

I try to hide my depression because i don't want others to be judgemental because of it. I have already isolated myself because keeping the secret causes me to be untrusting of others. I know i am a failure to myself and feel absolutely more of a failure if i disappoint others.

even tho we are depressed and unable to connect with the whole range of our feelings when feeling so yucky, for our own good it is healthy to consider the good health of the whole overall.. when we rely on the whole for help when needed, the whole is only capable of helping at its current level of health.. when one group or individual is successful in dragging down the whole, the whole is then weakened, reducing its ability to help the individual.. for this reason a strong and healthy whole is in the best interest of all and as individuals we carry a responsibility and an ability to strengthen the whole, a need and requirement for the whole health goal of all parts... imo