depression is tying me down :S

Hey, so I was on a long distance relationship for about a year. This guy was not only my boyfriend but my best friend. At first, it was all amazing, however, as time went on, I stopped going out with friends and my mom started to not like him because we would spend all day talking on the computer. I would see him for about two weeks every 2 months. (in person). Eventually, I started to injure myself. I never told my mother until one day that she saw how I would push my nails into my knees or fingers. She took me to a physiologist and she diagnosed me with severe depression and anxiety. She recommended I moved with my father (in another country). This would give me a new view on everything. So I did, and when I got there I realized how tied down I was with my relationship, so I broke up with him and started seeing another guy. We quickly broke up after I realized that I really wasn't interested. With this, I decided to move back with my mom. Recently, my boyfriend of long distance told me he misses me and wants me back. I really want him back. However, Im not sure of what to do. The thought of him makes me cry and I feel myself going back to my previous depression. I get anxious all day long, and can't seem to be interested in what I usually do. My school work isn't as good, my guitar is just abandoned... etc. I can not talk to my mother about this because she would be really mad and think I am making it up, and my father said the same. Yesterday, I told my ex how I felt about him and how I missed him and he said we should try it out when I am able to go to college. I am almost 18 and I am deathly scared of the future. I don't know what decisions to take. I realize that talking to him brings me back to depression, yet I don't see myself with anyone. However, a bit ago I discovered he has a girlfriend. I asked him and he said he didn't tell me because he was worried of how I would react. I am currently really depressed and extremely anxious and paranoid. I need advice on what I should do about him and my life. I have the opportunity of moving back with my father. With him I am more free and he listens to me. However, as much as it bothers me that my mother doesn't take me seriously, I can't see myself without her.
PLEASE HELP or give me your opinion.

Hi Tania. It sounds like you're in a pretty tough situation right now.

I don't really know what to tell you, but I've had my fair share of difficult relationships, and I go to a school in a different country so I know what it's like to miss your parents too. Neither of those is much fun, but with depression they're downright unbearable. Do you currently have a therapist or maybe a school counsellor you could talk to? My counsellor was really helpful, especially because I didn't think my parents would understand how I was feeling. She helped me figure out some of my problems and take steps to fix them. Now, I'm slowly starting to piece my life back together. It sounds like your relationships with your ex and your parents are complicated, and it might help to get an objective, professional opinion on things.

Please take care, and in the meantime keep posting.

Thank you so much for replying! I am actually going to see my school councilor tomorrow. I really hope I get a grip on things. Im letting feelings decide where I stand

Please if you need help with anything tell me

keep posting tania...

Hi Tania. First of all, pick up that guitar and write. I loss a friend on 911 and I was so depressed. I sat in front of my keyboards and a song came out. It made me feel a little better. A little better is better then none.

I hope all works out for you..........

*agrees that music can help, although it's sometimes a trigger for me *

I'm wondering, if this online previous boyfriend is controlling in some way?

Do you feel he is upset when not talking to you? Why do you feel the need to always be talking to him, and not hanging out with friends? Sometimes, and sometimes even without meaning to, a person can be very controlling of you, and that can create depressed feelings.

Long term relationships are very difficult, I wonder, when you go to college will you be completely long distance? I fear if it is, with your past history of trouble with it, going back to him knowing you are going to be going away would be a bad thing.

It's all up to you, I'm just curious to know a bit more.

sending many a hug your way