[SweetCrusader]

I haven't left my apartment, or bathed, or changed my clothes, since Sunday evening. Three days of classes I have missed.

i can't seem to put the depression and pain behind me long enough to get myself up and moving.

do you ever feel like it's struggle just to stay alive every day, and anything beyond that is too much to even attempt?

[wisewoman]

Oh Angela, I know this is easier said then done but you really need to force yourself to resume normal life as much as possible. I think we have all been where you are. F**** I want to be cared for and why is life wso hard and if I become non-functional enough will others come and rescue me. The answer is no, not in the way you want to be treated. You have to dig deep and find the love we have for you here and move on with blind faith. Trust me, you do not want to let others start making decisions for you. You are held, you are loved. You need to be part of your life as it is way short.

[SweetCrusader]

i have been trying. every damn day i try. i've been maintaining, but it's all i can do to stay alive.

i don't care if anyone takes care of me. i'm not trying to make someone take care of me.

Right now I feel like I could lay on the couch and rot away all day, all by myself, and really not care

[saudade]

((((Sweet))) I'm sorry.

People might find me quite repetitive, today, but I have such strong beliefs about water, inside and outside of our bodies.

If you could find it in yourself just a lil strength to drag your body to the shower, I'm sure you'd feel so great afterwards!!! It's a promise :-)

I wash my hair everyday, and everyday when I'm rinsing the shampoo I tell the bad thoughts/feelings to go away through the drain along with the dirty water.

Sounds silly, I'm aware, but it works. :-)

[wisewoman]

Angela, I know you are trying and I know it is so hard. Life is weird and unfair. I agree with saudade that water heals. Please keep reaching out.

[SweetCrusader]

i will set the goal to shower today.

thanks

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((( angela )))))))))))))))

i just came out of a period where you seem to be. i literally had to force myself to bathe and care for myself...every few days, and i'm a daily person...shower, makeup, hair curled, etc. i always felt better when i did...if that was the only thing i accomplished that day

i think that's a fine goal for the day...if nothing else.

love,

[Kathyanita]

we want you to be well. I remember you posting replies to me before and how glad I was that you did that and I hope you know your effort meant something - if you can't get in the shower we don't mind how you look only that you feel better.

How are you doing on that shower goal sweetie pie?

You'd better get working on it, cuz I'm thinking of car jacking one of our big city fire trucks and driving to your place for a hose-off event.

Big warm dry hugs, Auntie

[Wants2Fly]

Hi Angela -- I've been there, done that, in the past so recent that it's scarey to read your message.

I agree with those who say take a shower. It can feel like one's body is made of lead getting there, but it did help me, at least a little.

Do you think you might need to have your meds tweaked a bit?

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((SweetCrusader)))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Nerak]

((((((((((((Angela))))))))))))

[nightdream]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Angela}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I wish I could be near and hold you tight.

love you
nightdream

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((((Angela))))))))))))))))))

Love,
Fuzzy

[nothemama8]

[Poppet]

((((((((((((((((sweetCrusader)))))))))))))))))

so sorry you're feeling so bad - wish I could help you

You are in the grip of this illness right now, and even though its so bad, you are still posting here and reaching out to those who will care and try to understand - that's such a positive thing to do.

I believe that even when we are at rock bottom there is a tiny little bit of hope inside - it feels to me that it is that part of you which is posting. That bit can be as tiny as a speck of dust - but it is there, it is hanging in there and if it hangs in long enough and stays reaching out to ppl who care, things can start to change.

That little bit of you is actually stronger than depression but that horrible depression can make us feel so bad it almost brainwashes us and our abilities.

Easy for me to say, cos I am not in its grip today - I wouldn't believe all I have just said when I am in its grip.
That's how it gets you and although it is different for all of us, I hope you can take some comfort that theres someone all those miles away in England who offers you her care and hope.......me !

((((((((((((((SweetCrusader))))))))))))))))

[phoenix30]

I've been like that too, so many times over the years, it's so hard to just get up out of bed. I hope you feel better soon, (((((sweet)))))

[kvinneakt]

The water treatment is a good topical topical. A long hot soak can lift the grime and warm your soul for at least a little while. If you can get out, maybe there is a spa with hot tubs or sauna nearby? It is a good cheap therapy. It won't cure, but it may buy you a repreive now and then.

[SweetCrusader]

Thank you for all the input and encouragement, everybody. It means a lot

I met my goal of showering last night, and even shaved my legs and clipped and painted my toenails and fingernails. I decided to paint them yellow, even though I wasn't in a "yellow" kind of mood, but it helped actually. And I managed to get some homework done (although not as much as would have been good for me )

My goal today is to get to class.

Thanks everyone

((((((((((((((((Sweetcrusader))))))))))))))))))

Hang in there. Can you talk to your T? I know she really cares about you and would want to know that you are having such a hard time.

[SweetCrusader]

Yes, she knows

Thanks EV

keep your head up. hey.. u can pm me if you just want a chat. i always need a study distraction

i'm proud of you.......i've been there....oh yeah.......not bathing, not eating.......just breathing. i'm so happy that you painted your nails and shaved your legs....that's major, i think.......xoxoxo pat

[Nerak]

You are off to a good start. Did you make it to class

(((((((Angela))))))))

[SweetCrusader]

I made it to class. Thanks for the support, you all! If I hadn't had you all yesterday, I don't think I would have pulled it together today

[Nerak]

Whoo hoo good for you