I need more and different

Hi everyone,

I've concluded that I should try to make some changes in the way I relate to this site. I'm not sure what or how I will accomplish that but I think I need more and different sorts of interaction at this point. I've found the guidelines too stifling of my needs to learn how to communicate more effectively and to learn the skills I must learn to survive and prosper. I need to be able to meet and post with people who like me and the ongoing development of my opinions while not having to waste my time and emotions with people who I dislike because of theirs (I guess by one definition that make's me a snert , so be it, I'll build my own composting or solar sanitizing indoor toilet btw).

I've met some nice people here, which isn't so surprising since nice seems mandatory here and conflict resolution learning structure seem absent, conflict being simply a defacto taboo. My anticipatory anxiety seems to have hurt my ability to post here, within the "guidelines", and so get full benefit of thoughtful replies, especially from those who can't or don't spend time in chat. I wish I was a better more organized and less hesitant writer so as to get what I really want to say across better but; I'm all I got at present.

I'm on a time limit and the clock of my funds are running out with my life as I'm done with the normal biosphere killing jobs which are all I see available to me.

I think I need to spend less time here, more purposefully. It's been wonderful and horribly intense getting to know many of you here. Anywho, that's sort of where I'm at now, might change my mind in ten minutes lol but oh well so it goes . I'll be stopping in regularly for a while probably but unless I can figure out how to get more out of my time here I simply must spend less of my diminishing supply here.

~Down

Hi downsolong,

Every now and then I get the feeling that I don't want to post here anymore. Then I say to myself "Hello depression, is that you again?"

Stick with us if you can downsolong, or at least keep the door open. That's my 2p anyway.

Good thoughts to you, Myzen

I understand your frustration down ..... I really hope you stick around, you are one of the shining lights around here imo (((down)))

((((((((((( downso ))))))))))))

i do hope you change your mind. you're awesome to me. but, of course, you need to do what you need to do for yourself.

wishing you the best,

kd

Hi Downsolong --

I empathize with your feelings that you may need different kinds of stimulation. Sometimes my desire/interest in participating in the forums is a substitute for leaving home and exploring what might be available in the community.

I've always looked forward to the times when we've been in chat together and to your commitment to good values -- meaning, of course, mostly consistent with my own!

I'm sorry that you feel that you are hesitant writer. I've made my living as a writer most of my life, and I don't see anything lacking in the way that you express yourself. I think writing is like public speaking for many people -- it's the fear that holds us back, and the lack of ability is in our perception not in the actually skill level.

I hope you will still be part of the Forums -- a selfish wish because I will miss seeing your around our virtual "campus." Wishing you all the best in achieving your intentions.

(((((((((((((downy))))))))))))))) hope you stay. Will miss you if you go

What bothers me is not the written guidelines of the forum but the "unwritten" ones, the same ones you find in all social circles. You are seen as either "in" or "out" with the crowd. This may be a general observation but I've found that being truly different and being your own person is quite a disatvantage if it doesn't fall with in the boundries of what's accepted. Having other "flaws" (which people may say doesn't matter) doesn't help eiher. Some may deny there are no cliques but there are. It seems that, when it comes to sharing a thought in the form of a post, the replies it receives appears to depend on who happens to make the post. I can say something and it's as if me and my thoughts are invisible. Someone else can say the same thing and boy, it's reply after reply of positive feedback. Those who've been welcomed to the "in" crowd probably would never notice this. To those of us on the outside looking in, it's quite obvious.

You my dear are not a snert, you are very compassionate, and kind to those you have helped, get ready for a group hug from Angie and the girls we loves ya baby
Angie

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What bothers me is not the written guidelines of the forum but the "unwritten" ones, the same ones you find in all social circles. You are seen as either "in" or "out" with the crowd. This may be a general observation but I've found that being truly different and being your own person is quite a disatvantage if it doesn't fall with in the boundries of what's accepted. Having other "flaws" (which people may say doesn't matter) doesn't help eiher. Some may deny there are no cliques but there are. It seems that, when it comes to sharing a thought in the form of a post, the replies it receives appears to depend on who happens to make the post. I can say something and it's as if me and my thoughts are invisible. Someone else can say the same thing and boy, it's reply after reply of positive feedback. Those who've been welcomed to the "in" crowd probably would never notice this. To those of us on the outside looking in, it's quite obvious.

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I think it is just a matter of being here and learning about the people and their personalities. For the longest time, for many months after I joined this site, I didn't feel like I belonged here. I felt invisible, that people ignored what I was saying in favour of those who are popular here, and that what I wrote wasn't good enough compared to what others wrote. I felt like I was an insider looking in, barred by a window: I could see what was happening, but I couldn't get close. As I participated more regularly on the forums, I found that that feeling left, and now I feel fully accepted here.

I believe that what you write is taken just as seriously as anybody else's comments. I for one don't skip over you because I see Isolated Guy is writing again. I think that how you are feeling is maybe a result of how you perceive yourself here rather than your actual position in the community.

Down... just in case I don't see you again... (which I sincerely hope is not the case)... you remember the list of various political forums that I gave you a few months back? couldn't you vent all your views on there, with people who are prepared to debate and insult and all that, and use this place as one for mental health support?

I respect that its your call...i'm sorta considering the same thing if you want to know the truth...but while i'm still here..I hope you don't go..(selfish huh)...I like chatting with you and there's something oddly comforting knowing that you're nearby...grace

Down, you have been my friend. Can I speak with you about the niceness code from my perception? I see crap in the rest of the world all day long. I see torture and suffering and I feel tortured and suffering. I fight against systems that forget that "the system" was established for eachother. There are things I hate here. But I answer with a loving heart because that is the world I want. I was once very militant in my views and fought a hard fight. It just ain't in me anymore. So I approach things slowly and intentionally. I get more accomplished I think. I don't know. I know that when people here have frustration and dispute it scares me. I want to be in a place where we can all be our best selves, express ourselves and not fear rejection. I don't want you to go. I know I have not been around a lot lately. I am sorry for that. I get frustrated about the same crap as you at times. But in order for ME to live I have to step away and do what I can in my small world. I wish I were a buddhist, to accept the suffering and still go about making change in ourselves and daily lives. I can tell you that love does make a difference. That solar and wind is taking off, that the authorities in my state are bullies with their heads up their butts and will retaliate if one disagrees publically. It has been the focus of my therapy off and on forever. Isolated guy feeling that it is cause he is him that he gets "different" replies then he gets. It really ain't always about us. Each of us struggle. I want to love others as I would like to be loved. You are a kindred spirit even if you don't know it. I care and care deeply. I am sorry that it feels as though you are treading water but then, that means your staying alive and actually treading water is about one of my most favorite things. You can p.m. me anytime. I am sorry I have not been here.

P.s., I mean it, come up here and I'll show you all the alternative living you can handle. Maybe you can also be slave labor for a struggling solar/wind company.

I just want to send you a hug and to tell you that I care about you!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Downsolong}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

nightdream

((((((((((((((((down))))))))))))))

I know I don't always say much , but I want to thank you for being there for me. I have had a few bad times lately and you have been there. I really don't want to see you leave.

Leslie

I'd really hate to see you leave, Downs....

"there's something oddly comforting knowing that you're nearby...grace

yup

Hi again,

Thanks for your replies; it's nice to feel appreciated for something. One of the changes I want to make I think is to reply more promptly as procrastination has been a problem for a while, here goes.

Silver, Fayerody, and others, you have suggested that I could go to another forum for topics banned here, although I appreciate the suggestion and links you have provided I think you may be missing my point on the subject. I need to learn the skills of conflict resolution in a setting designed to teach just that, to me this would be support. Just as one would not want to join a street fight or bar brawl to learn self-defense, an open political forum or whatever wouldn't to my knowledge be dedicated to helping people learn people skills, one would want a more controlled environment to become accustomed to and learn the needed skills for effectively resolving conflict. Eliminating and avoiding conflict is not a long-term solution or the kind of support I need and believe others here do too whether they know it or not. It seems to me that we humans are rather like Star Trek's pre-rational Vulcans whose individuals and sects were so inflamed by passions and superstitions that they were constantly at war and in real danger of eliminating themselves. Many of us are here as a result of being abused by one form or another of failed and failing conflict resolution methods. Agreeing to disagree for instance doesn't really work; it just postpones conflict, while the delay often makes the situation worse. A place to learn and develop new and better one's though perhaps challenging seems not only essential for us, as we are some of the most vulnerable in society, but also the world.

I also need to learn so much more. I find myself having to relearn how to live, work, study, set goals in a world that seems hostile to my goals, almost every life activity, as my old methods haven't worked well enough to allow me a satisfying life.

Anyway I think I'm going to try to post a little more, risking whatever, and chat a little less to see if that works any better for me. I wish it wasn't so much more difficult for me this way but it maybe something I need to learn to do.

Hope you're well and/or getting better and wiser.~Down

Hey Down , do ya really think we're going to let ya off this easy.
1 We have become friends here
2 You have protected ppl's feelings
3 You care more than you think
4 Amy won't let you go
Angie

Down, I wish I could speak with you now. You do understand so much.

Wisewoman,

Wow, what can I say that's an awesome offer and complement. You should watch it though, if I can manage to get going enough I'd be tempted to take you up on it. I'd have to make considerable progress before I could get that mobile as there are endless loose ends here and my planning, self management, and execution skills pretty much were negated and scrambled by the corrupt and blind politicians of the 80's and since. I'll PM you about it if I get to going.

~Down

Down I hope you're doing ok I'm thinking about you! *hugs*

Thinking of you down and sending bearhugs!

Down, read my post, i am still ill and I can't be in 15 places at once. Sorry I am not here for you. By the way know any rich people in southern Maine?

Good point, down, about whether the Forums could ever be a safe place for learning conflict resolution instead of ignoring or stuffing it. I feel as if I am constantly on the run from and ducking conflict. One of my oldest friends said that I will do almost anything to avoid conflict.