Will the next breath come?

Have you ever felt the heaviness in your chest that your next breath may not come from the extreme hurt in your heart that you just cannot explain to anyone--but you try so hard with every letter you type to find just the right letters to come together to make some sort of sense so someone can understand what you hold so deep inside. And what is inside does it even belong to you or is it the thoughts of another that echoes inside as you try so hard to hear and catch that breath that the words they are saying slip fast away--yet you know they belong to you.

The breath you try to catch as you are climbing that mountain that you remember inside yet the vision comes and goes with the pounding heart beat and the screaming voice of the child somewhere inside but it is just out of reach. The pressure that you are not the only one looking out of the eyes as you look around and the fear echoes. But somewhere you are there, somewhere--they belong to you.

The depression builds and the loneliness that you feel. And who can understand what you are trying so desperately to say? It is like being caught somewhere where you are falling and with every grasp you fall deeper away, or where you are caught in a storm spinning your wheels to get out but you just go deeper--except inside. And no one can hear--but it belongs to you.

This feeling is scary, it is dark, and it feels as though you are alone. I feel like I am falling inside myself afraid to be seen. Yet, the entrapment engulfs me and I can no longer breath. Tears fill my eyes but whose tears as they come so many times a day. And they fall hard and once again the breath feels it is escaping me,

And I wonder, will this ever end--will this ever stop grasping me in a choke hold. And I wonder will I ever be okay? Will the tears ever stop? Will I ever be able to live? Will I ever be able to breath?

dps

a few words to you, my dear friend.

This is the day


today
is a new fresh day
with hours never used before
no second hand seconds
unknown things can happen any time
just wait and see- a bright surprise might arrive
you never know what this day will bring to you
an unwritten chapter in this life of yours
too tired- don't want to get up
too sad- want to stay in bed
what if this is the day
the day to laugh
the day when tears are dry
this is the day
to feel hope

Good morning!


sitting here rocking to some tunes
life is quite wonderful after all
we've got the flowers and the bees
the honey and the trees
music in our ears
birds singing a crescendo of tones
sky in ocean blue
sun shining bright with golden beams
children laughing giving away such release
my heart goes out to you all
you and I are alive to see the little things
see above these walls of pain
you are unique
search your soul
and there YOU are
only YOU
be gentle to the one inside
try not to hide
when the tide comes rolling in
you will learn how to love
what lies within

Keep searching


search to find new roads
on life's old map
short cuts- no they mislead
walking through heavy rains under cloudy dark skies
deserts in the hand of dryness
through green deep forests
on raging stormy oceans
learning how to walk with legs trembling
to dive, swim the seas of water
climbing over rocks and branches
stumbling
crawling
running
falling
travellers on this Earth
in time's house
every little road, tiny path
is there to lead you right on track
look carefully on the map to see
ask your tired eyes to please not give up
this long, tiring journey- not without meaning

((((((((((( darkpurplesecrets ))))))))))))) Love you!

((((((((((((((((( darkpurplesecrets )))))))))))))))))

((((((((((darkpurplesecrets))))))))))

Please know you're not alone and you're in my thoughts, and you can get through this dark time. You matter. There is hope. There are people who care about you and want you to be well.

Sending you lots of good vibes to help you through this.

The eloquence that you have been gifted with is truly appreciated and admired by those of us who are lucky enough to see your words.

I hope you will continue to use your literary gift to express all those emotions that have been weighing you down. Expression is your gift to us as well as to yourself.

Darkpurplesecrets, love your username. I have felt that way before. Your description of it is a like a glove in describing the pain that comes with depression. I hope that you will find relief soon.

((((((daynnight--thank you my daer friend for your beautiful words. They touched our heart and the tears flowed from our eyes as we read your words. As I had to come back and read them over and over again for the tears to get them all, my heart tried so hard to grasps them. They were wonderful and I want to hold on to them, even as my head hurts with a pain that I cannot stop with medication from others within. You mean so much to me dear friend.)))))))

((((((fuzzybear--my dear friend, you are always there no matter how we feel or how you are feeling, you are always there for us. I love you my friend. Thank you for your hugs and support also, even in a time when it is very hard for us to feel--I can and so can others see you are there.))))))

(((((((justfloating--thank you for your words of support and for being there. I feel better knowing there are people here that listen and hear me. It means more than anyone will ever know. Thank you for letting me know I am not alone even though it feels so alone, so scary.))))))

((((((trevorzero--thank you for what you said, I guess right now I cannot see what you see, I just write what is inside and what is going on and what we feel. If what we write helps someone then it is worth our pain--although it is terrifying, it just is what is. From inside it is heavy and I need to write to get things out. I am the blessed one that there are people and friends here to hear me. Thank you.))))))

((((((wickedwings--thank you for your words. I am glad to hear from you again. I have not heard from you in a long time. I am scared and am feeling so much. Words are what keep me from losing myself in this darkness. They are the only thing I have to keep me going plus you all. Thank you)))))))

I am sorry that I thanked you all together in one post. I usually would post you each because you and your words mean so much to me, but right now it is all I can do to get my mind to allow me to be in a space to keep my head up. The depression seems to seep in and consume every part of me--even parts of me that I am unsure of. Who may it be I wonder--who can possibly be lurking around the corners of my mind or my eyes. Who can possibly be holding something they need me to know and what is it that I possibly need to know or do I even want to? I am terrified.

Waves come over me one by one and even as I fight to keep them away, they over take me and I am once again gone--but where? A smell, a vision, a dream, a sight--anything just reaches down and grabs my mind at any given moment. It can happen without any notice any care. Once again I can be gone--I try to cling to words those here have said--but they seem to vanish when the darkness comes. And I am clinging to the ceiling from above for my life from what I am seeing.

The steepness gets steeper in the middle of the night. The walls seem to begin to breath and come together to get me. It is as if they know something I don't. And I run--and when I run, I know they know. You jump at nothing, shadows from the candle flicker as if speaking and you strain because maybe there is something to be heard--but silence.

Yet, there still is this chill whithin that hurts as you shiver and it is not even cold outside of yourself--so you know it has to be within. What is it? You keep asking yourself, and you curl up just praying for mornng to come and the walls to go back to normal, and that no one knows what is happening within the walls where you are.

Time seems to stand still in the dark. It seems no one is there, no one is around and you are alone to face these evils lurking. And they are real, you just cannot bring yourself to let go--to let anyone inside for fear. Fear of no one seems real--no one seems there. Would they be? Would they really?

Questions so many--and so many belong to us. When you have never been allowed to trust and you are just learning what do you do? Do you even trust yourself? And as you look through the dark for the words and the strength to reach--is it okay--is it really okay?? Will this ever end? Will there ever come a day when we won't be terrified anymore? Will there ever be a time when we don't wish we would end?

dps

DPS, are you a writer???? What you write/type is beautiful. It's almost poetic, even.

(((((((((((((((((((dps)))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry you're struggling with the depression but the way you describe it is really striking. It's a perfect description of the depression. I hope someday soon you'll be able to write your description of what it feels like to be well again. Hang in there, we're all fighting right alongside you.