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#1
Mar 15, 2009, 03:33 PM
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An all expense paid trip to Bermuda? I thought, okay, why not....even if it is w/ my relatives whom I detest...I can keep my distance, right? I feel so alone here....the beauty does not even seem beautiful it just seems haunting, empty, as if it is beckoning me to my death or something. My relatives they come around and say stupid *** things I don't know what they say but it's always putting others down, making snap judgements, no discussion of any kind of substance and or meaning....I keep calling the local psychiatric hotline and crying, crying...calling friends back home and crying, crying.....there are moments when I feel decent but it is a shallow decentness, not based around my friendships back home that took me years to build cannot wait to get back there. I usually go to the library I have my hangouts where they all know me....no one knows me here, really knows me..........I feel like a walking contradiction, everyone I talk to says geez! enjoy yourself! like I am a freak........
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#2
Mar 15, 2009, 03:54 PM
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(((June)))) can you call your T back home? Also remember it could be from jet lag
all kinds of things. You did the right thing calling the hotline keep posting |
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#3
Mar 15, 2009, 04:07 PM
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It helps to reel your mind back in. Remember: you only have to get through today. It you feel really rotten, spring for a phone call to someone back home. And, you will be home soon and everything will be fine.
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#4
Mar 15, 2009, 05:33 PM
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 You are absolutely not a freak. Unfortunately even when we leave home, the depression can follow us, and I'm so sorry about that. Anyone who tells you to enjoy yourself despite the depression may as well be asking you to fly, right? I totally understand that; it's frustrating, but it doesn't make you a freak, it just means they don't understand your position. If you can keep your distance from your relatives as much as possible, I think that's a good idea. Difficult people are even harder to deal with when we're depressed, huh? Most of my best friends are back in Canada and I go to school in Scotland, and when I miss them and feel alone, I write them letters or postcards and it makes me feel a little less alone/more connected, and helps me remember that they'll still be there when I get back. You don't even have to send the letters, but sometimes it can help to write down the things we can't verbalize for the time being. If you have a camera and feel up to it, maybe you could go out and take pictures of the things that interest you, or that you think might interest people back home. It might be a decent distraction for a little while. You'll be home soon. Just get through one day at a time, okay? You can do this.
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Rebecca "If you're going through hell -- keep going." - Winston Churchill It's better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection. - Elizabeth Gilbert Bring on the wonder, we got it all wrong, we pushed you down deep in our souls, so hang on. Bring on the wonder, bring on the song, I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long. - Susan Enan http://igetupagain.wordpress.com/ |
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#5
Mar 15, 2009, 11:30 PM
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There is no should.
That's something we make up. Location is a factor but it doesn't change everything. It sure doesn't change your relatives. I hope you do feel better though, call your T back home. try to stay away from the relatives as much as possible
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 Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
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#6
Mar 16, 2009, 05:59 AM
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Oh your post screams out to me because I felt just like that when I went on my dream trip to NYC a yr ago...I just ended up "functioning", I so wanted to just enjoy my time there, but I felt lost to myself.
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Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach |
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#7
Mar 16, 2009, 06:04 AM
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Nothing like experiencing beauty with people who are being wan#$rs to make you feel awful........had a similar experience recently with my mum........wasn't being a wan$%r, I just didn't feel close to her while we were away.
The beauty of the place was enough to kill me, and then I thought I would die if I left........go figure! Sorry you feel so hellish babe........we are with you 
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For all things Light and Dark.......http://thedemonrun.wordpress.com/  The only Truth that exists..... .........Is that there is no absolute Truth. |
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#8
Mar 18, 2009, 01:35 PM
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I fly back tomorrow afternoon at 3:50.........been fighting the depression, amidst everyone screaming at me "Enjoy yourself! You're in Bermuda!!"
My T at home advised me to journal about myself and who I am against all this....why I define myself by my situation and not able to plant myself somewhere and still know who I am, without my friends, or friendly places.. Call it a weakness....be like my friend Julie and tell me I'm pitying myself...but it is just a testament to how very deep my friendships run, I believe in my heart.
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#9
Mar 18, 2009, 01:43 PM
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((June)) glad you are coming home
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#10
Mar 18, 2009, 02:43 PM
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(((((((((((((((( June ))))))))))))))))
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#11
Mar 18, 2009, 02:56 PM
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(((((JR)))))
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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