[turquoisesea]

I hurt....

[pegasus]

Hugs ((((((((((( turquoisesea )))))))))))))

What's going on?

[silver_moon]

((((((((((((((turquoisesea))))))))))))))))) We're sitting with you

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( turquoisesea )))))))))))))))

[turquoisesea]

Sorry, things have just been feeling so hard to get through... thanks for the support...

I just hope my little vacation this week will help somehow to get me "back on track" not that I ever was but... to get a start on things

[turquoisesea]

Ok.. I'm posting here because i don't want to post yet again.

I'm tired. I'm addicted to coffee. I can't get to sleep at night.
I'm going home tomorrow, and now I'm starting to be afraid of that. I'm afraid that the parents and sister will see the messed up me. I don't want to be seen like this.
I'll have to put up the old facade - that has been unpracticed because I haven't gone out, haven't had the energy for it...

I don't know what to do to get better right now, I seem to be in a rut

[leacon]

Originally Posted by turquoisesea

I'm afraid that the parents and sister will see the messed up me. I don't want to be seen like this.

What would happen if they saw "the messed up me"? Maybe if they saw "the messed up me" you could get some help. I did the same thing years ago until I had to show how I felt, and it did get me some help.

Anyway hugs

[justfloating]

(((((((((((turqouisesea))))))))))

I'm a little messed up tonight so I can only send hugs and hope you get through this rough patch.

[turquoisesea]

Originally Posted by leacon

What would happen if they saw "the messed up me"? Maybe if they saw "the messed up me" you could get some help. I did the same thing years ago until I had to show how I felt, and it did get me some help.

Anyway hugs

Well... they already know I'm depressed, they know I am on medical leave for depression, my fear is if they think I am not doing well, they will put even more pressure on me - specifically pressure to come home, giving less money to try to keep me home (which is a very bad spot for me). They know nothing about dissociation that's been going on, depression I want them to believe that I'm getting at least a bit better... rather than being stagnant.

justfloating - thank you so much hugs always mean alot to me, your reply does too sending hugs your way too... if you ever want to talk pm is always there... even if we're both in rough patches talking is good

[leacon]

Originally Posted by turquoisesea

my fear is if they think I am not doing well, they will put even more pressure on me - specifically pressure to come home, giving less money to try to keep me home (which is a very bad spot for me).

Understood!!! I would never go back home again. (I am in a very different place though because I have retired on medical disability for depression so I have no need to go back home.) Many past issues resurface at home and the family expects you to become a kid again. Are you seeing a therapist and/ or on meds? These would show you are at least trying.

[leacon]

Originally Posted by turquoisesea

Well... they already know I'm depressed, they know I am on medical leave for depression, my fear is if they think I am not doing well, they will put even more pressure on me - specifically pressure to come home, giving less money to try to keep me home (which is a very bad spot for me).

hope you are doing better
Going home for me would also be difficult

[turquoisesea]

I am seeing a therapist, and i signed a paper so that she can talk with my parents (no details... she can't tell them ANYTHING really rofl xD but it's meant to try to keep my parents relaxed)

So far, its been ok. I've busied myself baking a pie for my sisters birthday, hanging out with her, my bf, and her friend. Mom was busy teaching/ working yesterday, and my Dad got back home later. So I was saved. We'll see how the next few days go. I guess tomorrow if anything get crazy I can claim birthday rights?

hope everyone is well

[Miracle1986]

turquisesea

[leacon]

Nice to see that you are doing okay so far at home.
Happy Birthday and keep in touch