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#1
Mar 20, 2009, 02:45 PM
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Woke up in a funk today. I slept through my only class because I set my alarm wrong, and then the negative thoughts started flooding in -- I'm irresponsible, I'm disorganized, I'm incapable of doing the simplest things like setting an alarm. My friends and my profs probably think I'm just lazy. I don't get the course anyways so they're probably going to kick me out.
I need a breather. I tried going for a walk. I went to my favourite cafe and read for a little while. I tried writing about how I feel. I keep trying to breathe and remind myself that this is all the depression telling me lies, that I'm allowed to make mistakes, that this isn't the end of the world and that everything is going to be fine. But the lights are dimming and I just want to curl up in a ball and go to sleep. I want the world to go away. I want to be left alone but I also just want to be held and told that everything is going to work out. I hate this. I hate being depressed. I hate it when it hits me like this. I like being happy. I like that I'm recovering. But when the depression takes back over it's like a veil has been drawn and I can't even see my own progress anymore. I just want to go to sleep. I want this horrible day to end. 
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Rebecca "If you're going through hell -- keep going." - Winston Churchill It's better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection. - Elizabeth Gilbert Bring on the wonder, we got it all wrong, we pushed you down deep in our souls, so hang on. Bring on the wonder, bring on the song, I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long. - Susan Enan http://igetupagain.wordpress.com/ |
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#2
Mar 20, 2009, 02:58 PM
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(((((((((((((((( justfloating )))))))))))))))
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 justfloating
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#3
Mar 20, 2009, 02:59 PM
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I know what you're talking about today is a bad day for most of us and all I can say is we got to try to get through this moment by moment.Life is not easy and by adding too it doesn't help the situation at all.But it amazes me the distance I've travel and our future depends on what we do in the present.I never been fearless until someone said let go so be strong you have what it takes to over come this and stand tall.
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realtight67@rocketmail.com |
| justfloating
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#4
Mar 21, 2009, 05:53 PM
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AGH!!!!
I can feel the depression. It's just PUSHING on me. I can't move. I can't eat. I don't want to do anything. I napped for a bit and when I woke up I just wanted to cry because I didn't want to be CONSCIOUS. This morning I could feel it coming on and I tried everything that works -- I watched some sitcoms, I put away my work for a while and went for a walk. I wanted to do groceries but the grocery store was so crowded -- the entire town gets SO CROWDED on weekends and I hate being around all those people. It feels so claustrophobic and it's impossible to get anywhere and you have to wait in huge lines wherever you go. I couldn't be bothered to go into my favourite coffee place because I didn't want to stand in line, I didn't want to go in while it was busy because the chatter of all those people is so distracting and irritating. I was going to clean my room because it's a disaster, but I can't be bothered. I just want to go back to sleep but I don't want to turn off the light and lie here in the dark trapped with my thoughts. The aches and pains in my body are back and that makes me so sad because I haven't felt them in so long. I feel so useless and alone and I'm so scared of slipping back into the depression but right now I just can't seem to fight my way out.
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Rebecca "If you're going through hell -- keep going." - Winston Churchill It's better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection. - Elizabeth Gilbert Bring on the wonder, we got it all wrong, we pushed you down deep in our souls, so hang on. Bring on the wonder, bring on the song, I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long. - Susan Enan http://igetupagain.wordpress.com/ |
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#5
Mar 21, 2009, 07:50 PM
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Quote:
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| justfloating
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#6
Mar 22, 2009, 09:50 AM
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Feeling a bit lighter today, like a weight as lifted. I slept most of the day away but I'm going to try and get out while I can so that maybe a little more of the weight will lift away. One minute at a time. One minute at a time.... Wish me luck.
__________________
Rebecca "If you're going through hell -- keep going." - Winston Churchill It's better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection. - Elizabeth Gilbert Bring on the wonder, we got it all wrong, we pushed you down deep in our souls, so hang on. Bring on the wonder, bring on the song, I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long. - Susan Enan http://igetupagain.wordpress.com/ |
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