[brephi]

Right now, I feel like a worthless human being. I seem to be unable to deal with a lot of issues in my life that I should be able to deal with. I hate, hate, hate, hate, I mean really hate myself.

I don't even know where to start so I'll just start where I feel now. I start things but seem unable to finish. I had a management position in a company where I started at the bottom of the ladder and worked my way up. After I had been in the management position for about 4 years, I started having lots of problems. I developed hypertension, diabetes and severe depression and decided to leave that position because I felt that if I hadn't I would have gotten fired.

Now I am having severe financial problems and can't see my way out of them. I can't work because of medical/emotional problems and ... If I would have stayed and not let my job defeat me I would not be having some of these problems I am having now. I am just a complete failure at everything. There are a whole lot of other things that I have failed at. Too many to even get into at this time. What's wrong with me. I seem to take the easy way out of a lot and don't want to just deal with problems.

I just really hate myself right now.

[justfloating]

((((((((((((((((((brephi)))))))))))))))))))))))

You are not a worthless human being! That's the depression telling you lies. Don't underestimate how powerful this illness is for warping your vision of yourself, of others, of the future and of the position you're in now. It's powerful, and it's not your own flaws or weaknesses that are making you feel like this. You're ill, that's all, and if you had any say in the matter, you wouldn't be depressed in the first place, right? No one asks for this, it just happens.

I dunno if this will help, but I was talking to my counsellor the other day, and she did an imitation of me before the meds/therapy kicked in, when I was at my lowest point. I recognized the way I was down on myself, the way I didn't move, didn't make eye contact when I was speaking, the way I was unable to see anything in my future but more failures and the way none of my past successes seemed to have any value to me. When I was actually in that state, I took it all as just being ME, instead of the depression. Now that I can look back on it a little more clearly, I've realized where I end and the depression begins, and that we really are two distinct things. The depression doesn't define you as a person. It may have forced you out of a great job, it may have made things difficult for you right now, it may cause you to be unable to finish everything you start, but that was the depression, not you. The biggest thing is to forgive yourself for your past failures, because you are not weak, you are simply ill, and one day you're going to be well again and you'll be able to get your life back together. Be gentle with yourself. You are a wonderful, worthwhile person, and you go ahead and take all the time you need to heal.

Take care. I'm sending you lots of good vibes.

[miray]

Brephi my dear, you are NOT worthless. You yourself said you worked your way from the bottom to the top of the ladder. That right there says you have it in you!! All of us here have different problems for different reasons in different times in our lives and we go through things that many people don't understand. That doesn't define us. It is part of us, but not all of us. It's a daily struggle in one way or another it seems, but you do have it in you!! The only people who never fail are the ones who never try!!

[madisgram]

(((brephi))), i've seen you post before but cannot recall if you are seeing a therapist. so much of what you posted i could relate to when i was early in my therapy and trying "to get a life". when we deal with depression it affects so many facets of our life. try to not be so hard on yourself. be kinder to yourself as you would a friend that came to you feeling as you do. i know you would comfort her and reassure her that she was of value and worth.
depression can cause many things...we can make poor decsions, we cannot make decisions, we are overwhelmed with everything, we don't understand why we can't "get it", etc.
i hope you are seeing someone who can help you untangle all that's going on with you. it's a huge task to try to do it alone. i don't think i could have gotten better with my depression if i had not had help.
do try to realize it's not your being worthless...you are of value and a unique human being. there are many things of worth about you. the depression clouds our perception of who we are. please let us know how you are doing. you matter to us and we care about you!

[earl shook]

i ask friends..when you go to see the therapist or dr....did you help them to feel better?..are they feeling better after your visit?.i went to a therapyst for 6 mounthe back in 1990...after giving me the lessions and facillitatiing motivational pictures and graphs he started to give us the same starting paperwork from our first day in group..i commented on this...we went out for a coffee break...he said he had done all he could the next step was up to me.after our talk,,he said he learned some things from our time talking..it was good to know in my deppression i still am important to others..our responses can inspire others to look at their lives and grow too..he told me he didnt like working for the state..to many rules..our group..had helped him to see he was trapped too.some of us changed..he got out of his scene and moved to anouther town his wife wanted to live in..and started a psych center of his own..i went to jr.collage and became a certified counselor till i retireded.funny..i got paid to stay sober..got burned out..wouned up here still ..you take care now we are an inteligent bunch..just run around in circles sometimes..gday

[leacon]

I know your feeling all too well. I could have been reading about myself in your post. I worked for the federal government for 23 years, became a team chief, and switched to a different profession at the same agency. At the end, my branch chief and team lead did not want me in the branch anymore. This made me more and more depressed and suicidal. Again like you I left the agency, on disability retirement, because I was afraid of being fired. It has been two years since I retired and I am still trying to pick up the pieces. My main bit of advice is to point out your former job is not you and you are worth much more than your former job. Do not give up depression can be conquered.

[Puffyprue]

(((((((((((((((((((brephi))))))))))))))))
u ,re not worthless...u are worth it....most of times i feel that way too ...

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by justfloating

((((((((((((((((((brephi)))))))))))))))))))))))

You are not a worthless human being! That's the depression telling you lies. Don't underestimate how powerful this illness is for warping your vision of yourself, of others, of the future and of the position you're in now. It's powerful, and it's not your own flaws or weaknesses that are making you feel like this. You're ill, that's all, and if you had any say in the matter, you wouldn't be depressed in the first place, right? No one asks for this, it just happens.

I dunno if this will help, but I was talking to my counsellor the other day, and she did an imitation of me before the meds/therapy kicked in, when I was at my lowest point. I recognized the way I was down on myself, the way I didn't move, didn't make eye contact when I was speaking, the way I was unable to see anything in my future but more failures and the way none of my past successes seemed to have any value to me. When I was actually in that state, I took it all as just being ME, instead of the depression. Now that I can look back on it a little more clearly, I've realized where I end and the depression begins, and that we really are two distinct things. The depression doesn't define you as a person. It may have forced you out of a great job, it may have made things difficult for you right now, it may cause you to be unable to finish everything you start, but that was the depression, not you. The biggest thing is to forgive yourself for your past failures, because you are not weak, you are simply ill, and one day you're going to be well again and you'll be able to get your life back together. Be gentle with yourself. You are a wonderful, worthwhile person, and you go ahead and take all the time you need to heal.

Take care. I'm sending you lots of good vibes.