[Berries]

My T told my mom i had a future. My T told my mom he communicates with me in between sessions unlike his other patients.

This should make me feel good right?

It doesn't.

i am so depressed, OVERWHELMED by it.

What future is he talking about? i have no future. i am 43, live with mom, on disability, have no job, no relationships irl, romantic or friendships, no career in sight, no more school, so aspirations whatsoever. That is not going to change. How is that a future? What is he talking about??????

And doing special stuff for me--communicating with me unlike other patients--just makes me feel pressured. That and that he thinks i have a future (whatever that means) overwhelms me, makes me feel like i am going to disappoint him BIG TIME.

i don't know what he expects of me. i just want him to keep me alive.

i want to tell him---Just leave me alone. But please don't leave me.

[aliasbubbles]

A minute will pass while you read this message and . . . . that's a minute of the future you have. And the next, and the next, and the next.

It's not about jobs and relationships and education. It's about putting one foot in front of the other. If you can't get out of bed, it's that next breath you take. And then the one after that.

It's this moment and the next. Just focus on that.

My first therapist used to tell me simply, "Baby Steps."

Now, I think you may be right in feeling a little pressure by your therapist. I'm not sure it's appropriate for him to go around "bragging" about how good a job he's doing with you and the "special treatment" he gives. I think I would feel pressured by that, too. I'm sorry he said it. Maybe you should share with him how that made you feel . . . adding to the pile of things you can't handle right now. Might that help? I don't know.

Our futures may not be what we've always pictured for ourselves, but they are what they are. And you do have one. Let your picture evolve with your wellness, a bit at a time. Remember, it's not set in stone. NOTHING is.

I HEAR YOU!

[aliasbubbles]

Oh, one more thing . . . .

From Rocky Balboa:

IT'S NOT ABOUT HOW HARD YOU CAN HIT. IT'S ABOUT HOW HARD YOU CAN GET HIT AND KEEP MOVING FORWARD!

[Puffyprue]

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[madisgram]

Originally Posted by Berries

My T told my mom i had a future. My T told my mom he communicates with me in between sessions unlike his other patients.

This should make me feel good right?

It doesn't.

i am so depressed, OVERWHELMED by it.

What future is he talking about? i have no future. i am 43, live with mom, on disability, have no job, no relationships irl, romantic or friendships, no career in sight, no more school, so aspirations whatsoever. That is not going to change. How is that a future? What is he talking about?????? maybe, berries, he can see that you are getting better even if you don't feel that way now. when i started out in therapy i had no hope, was helpless to help myself. over time i began to improve thru therapy and meds. it didn't happen overnight. it was taking tiny baby steps even tho i was terrified of life. over time my outlook also improved. one day i turned around and i had a real life. i believe that can happen to you too. if u can try to just stay in today and not project for the future. that may help you not get overwhelmed. it's difficult to do this cause we're so used to feeling so bad. but do try...

And doing special stuff for me--communicating with me unlike other patients--just makes me feel pressured. That and that he thinks i have a future (whatever that means) overwhelms me, makes me feel like i am going to disappoint him BIG TIME. maybe in your next session you need to tell him how this made you feel. if you're not "there" yet i can certainly understand why this puts pressure on you.
jme, but for a long time i just showed up for life. i did'nt have any plans for the future i just showed up...depressed and all. i couldn't even envision a life for myself. i think maybe that's how you are felling right now and that's ok too. just show up for life one day at a time. the rest will follow if it's meant to be. you do have many talents you cannot 'SEE" right now. be kind to yourself and allow your self to just "be". you are worth it.

i don't know what he expects of me. i just want him to keep me alive.

i want to tell him---Just leave me alone. But please don't leave me.

please let us know how you are doing, k? we truly do care for you a lot.

[justfloating]

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My counsellor once told me that depressed people often have a hard time seeing their futures -- either they think that the outlook is always bleak (as I did) or they are incapable of seeing anything for themselves at all. Maybe your therapist is just seeing what you can't, right now. You DO have a future as surely as you have a present and a past, no matter what you do with it. There's hope in that. It means that the same agonizing moment is not going to drag on forever. Maybe you'll feel the same tomorrow as you do today, and maybe you'll feel the same the day after that, but at least it will be a new day and you have something to look forward to. And if you can't look forward, then don't, because the future is going to come and take your hand and eventually guide you away from all this pain. That's what I think the therapist means. You won't be letting anyone down because there is nothing more you can do than what you are doing now -- you are on the road to getting well, and eventually that road is going to lead you someplace beautiful. Have faith, you'll get there eventually.

[trevorzero]

All these replies are really superb, Berries, and I hope these thoughts will guide you over the next few days.