[turquoisesea]

I have trouble moving on from past events. Has anyone else gone through this? What has helped?

A lot of my depression is caused by years of repression, that got me through my childhood. But all the stuff I didn't deal with back then is still here, buried inside me.
That's about 20 years of repressed stuff. Well, maybe not that much - maybe my baby years were ok - but I carry a lot of baggage from the past that I never dealt with, just ignored.

I don't know how to face all these things which now are attacking me all at once - they were hard enough as individual events! And since I repressed them I haven't learned how to deal with hurt feelings, anger, mistreatment. How to COME TO TERMS with things and MOVE ON.

I am still going through delayed grieving for a member of my family - a cat who was a sister to me. I am upset by lost friendships including 2 friendships which ended because the friends decided I was worthless once I got a boyfriend, how my mother treated me as a child, isolation first caused largely by my mother and then by habit, and even by more recent events involving my boyfriend and his ex (there was major miscommunication... nothing "serious" but it hurt me very much).

I've made some progress, especially in grieving, and in trying to get past friendships. But just when I think it's over it seems to start over again.

Help?

sorry this was a long one
~turquoisesea

[leacon]

I may not be able to give you any real pointers. Just can say I went through it and in some ways still going through it. Most problems with your mother you maybe able to come to terms with in time. I got over most of mine when I realized she did her best. Her best was not enough for my problems, but she tried.

[justfloating]

What helps for me is is writing things down. I write letters to the people who have wronged me, or who I have wronged. I tell them exactly what I wish I'd said before, exactly what I want to say but don't have the courage/opportunity to say. I take everything out on the page. It's for my eyes only, so I don't censor it even a little bit -- I'll swear, I'll call them names, I'll get angry, I'll cry, I'll just RELEASE onto the page. It's really painful to actually do a lot of the time, but it's also cathartic, and it helps me to move on. I'm a relatively softspoken person, and definitely a pushover. I don't stand up for myself enough, I don't get angry even when I should, I rarely speak my mind. So writing it all down is my coping mechanism, because even if you don't say the things you want to when you want to say them, the feelings are still there, and you feel a lot better expelling them any way you can.

I should add that this probably helps me mostly because I've been writing ever since I can remember, so having a pen in my hand is sort of a natural state for me. Maybe there's catharsis in any kind of creative pursuit, or by pouring yourself into something that you're passionate about -- art, music, maybe a sport. I know someone who "pounds things out" by running, for example.

I hope this helps, and good luck. Coming to terms with the past is not easy, but it's a sign of strength that you're trying to move on.

[Miracle1986]

I don't have any advice.
I just wanted to let you know that you arae not the only one that has trouble moving on.
I have several things that I can't seem to "let go"
(((hugs)))

[Elysium]

(((((Turquoise)))))

I think that journaling and some form of artistic expression of your emotions could be helpful, but I don't know if that will make it go away.

I really don't have much to offer about this, but I wanted to let you know that I can really relate to what you are saying in this post.

I have a similar dillema, and I can't seem to move beyond it either.

Just know that I am here for you!!

Originally Posted by turquoisesea

I have trouble moving on from past events. Has anyone else gone through this? What has helped?

A lot of my depression is caused by years of repression, that got me through my childhood. But all the stuff I didn't deal with back then is still here, buried inside me.
That's about 20 years of repressed stuff. Well, maybe not that much - maybe my baby years were ok - but I carry a lot of baggage from the past that I never dealt with, just ignored.

I don't know how to face all these things which now are attacking me all at once - they were hard enough as individual events! And since I repressed them I haven't learned how to deal with hurt feelings, anger, mistreatment. How to COME TO TERMS with things and MOVE ON.

I am still going through delayed grieving for a member of my family - a cat who was a sister to me. I am upset by lost friendships including 2 friendships which ended because the friends decided I was worthless once I got a boyfriend, how my mother treated me as a child, isolation first caused largely by my mother and then by habit, and even by more recent events involving my boyfriend and his ex (there was major miscommunication... nothing "serious" but it hurt me very much).

I've made some progress, especially in grieving, and in trying to get past friendships. But just when I think it's over it seems to start over again.

Help?

sorry this was a long one
~turquoisesea

Turquise
Would it help to write, in letter form, how these people, or events affected you. Obviously, not to be mailed but to pour out all the hurt and loss on paper. Write one for each person. Say everything you wished you could have at the time. Then destroy the letters.
I don't know...maybe it would help. I just know you shouldn't rush yourself to "move on" or "get over" anything. It comes in it's own time.
Wishing you peace.

[trevorzero]

The pain that you are experiencing is a necessary part of the journey that you are making right now.

If you wake up in the morning and realize that the day will bring necessary pain, then you should find it easier to embrace this pain as an indication of the growth process.

Expect things to be difficult, because they will be. But also expect to eventually arrive at a much more whole, complete and healthy you.

[Fuzzybear]

[turquoisesea]

*hugs everyone back*

[Starbuck1128]

Originally Posted by turquoisesea

I have trouble moving on from past events. Has anyone else gone through this? What has helped?

A lot of my depression is caused by years of repression, that got me through my childhood. But all the stuff I didn't deal with back then is still here, buried inside me.
That's about 20 years of repressed stuff. Well, maybe not that much - maybe my baby years were ok - but I carry a lot of baggage from the past that I never dealt with, just ignored.

I don't know how to face all these things which now are attacking me all at once - they were hard enough as individual events! And since I repressed them I haven't learned how to deal with hurt feelings, anger, mistreatment. How to COME TO TERMS with things and MOVE ON.

I am still going through delayed grieving for a member of my family - a cat who was a sister to me. I am upset by lost friendships including 2 friendships which ended because the friends decided I was worthless once I got a boyfriend, how my mother treated me as a child, isolation first caused largely by my mother and then by habit, and even by more recent events involving my boyfriend and his ex (there was major miscommunication... nothing "serious" but it hurt me very much).

I've made some progress, especially in grieving, and in trying to get past friendships. But just when I think it's over it seems to start over again.

Help?

sorry this was a long one
~turquoisesea

Hi!
I deal with regret and depression every day. I lost my relationship with my daughter in January due to her stealing, drugs, and lying. My dog just died. My adoptive parents abused me. So did my husbands. So, I kinduv know how you feel.
What has been working for me (aside from med changes) is reaching out to people...like you just did! Just keep reaching out. Hit the boards every day. Take strength where you can find it.
And, my saving grace is that I developed an all-consuming passion for something new. In my case, it was Battlestar Galactica. It's the story of how people survive after their lives get nuked. (Which was how I felt in Jan.) Obsessive veiwing, and hooking up with some really great people on those boards saved my butt!!! And I'm not even a big SciFi nut.
Your passion will probably be something entirely different. But, you will probably have to force yourself to get super involved with something outside your life (like I did - I'm a hermit). Getting outside yourself really helps. Still...I don't know of anything that can ease the pain of loosing a beloved pet. In my case, one of our other dogs has suddenly adopted me and it helps. You have my deepest sympathy on all your losses. And my support.

[turquoisesea]

Originally Posted by Starbuck1128

Hi!
I deal with regret and depression every day. I lost my relationship with my daughter in January due to her stealing, drugs, and lying. My dog just died. My adoptive parents abused me. So did my husbands. So, I kinduv know how you feel.
What has been working for me (aside from med changes) is reaching out to people...like you just did! Just keep reaching out. Hit the boards every day. Take strength where you can find it.
And, my saving grace is that I developed an all-consuming passion for something new. In my case, it was Battlestar Galactica. It's the story of how people survive after their lives get nuked. (Which was how I felt in Jan.) Obsessive veiwing, and hooking up with some really great people on those boards saved my butt!!! And I'm not even a big SciFi nut.
Your passion will probably be something entirely different. But, you will probably have to force yourself to get super involved with something outside your life (like I did - I'm a hermit). Getting outside yourself really helps. Still...I don't know of anything that can ease the pain of loosing a beloved pet. In my case, one of our other dogs has suddenly adopted me and it helps. You have my deepest sympathy on all your losses. And my support.

thank you... and I'd like to send hugs to you. And erm I've been meaning to watch that show actually
just... thanks for this post

[silver_moon]

It's great that you've recognised that you've made some progress. I wish I were able to give you some advice, but all I can say is that I understand. I hold on to past events too and find it very hard to get over things. Mainly because they are all relationships (of whatever kind) ending very suddenly and unexpected.
I guess one thing I've learnt whilst trying to overcome mine is that you have to look for a positive from what has happened. There will always be negative things about it... but what have you gained from that event happening in your life? What were the good things?

Take care and I hope things improve for you.

[Berries]

I haven't tried this with everything that I can't let go of, but I have with some and it is helpful.

My T said, you need to find the people who have hurt you, for example: your parents, GUILTY.

Then, if you choose, you can PARDON them.