[thunderbear]

i can not take this!!!!! I am either being a ***** or being selfish. Those are the words from my husband. I hate this!!!! I can not help it i have the stupid illness and there is nothing I can do about it. But no according to my husband I care about no one about my self and it makes him f--ing sick. Well what the hell does he think it does to me? To have no one. And literally no one. No mom no dad not much of a sister and a grandma who thinks depession is the 'devil working". I hate living in this situation. i can not stand it when no one understands me. When I get yelled at it makes my anger anxiety and depression worse. It makes me feel like a piece of Sh---t like I am worthless becuse I am not good enough to be a good wife. Why? Because my in laws are *** holes. And everthing is falling apart. At least for me. Every one else is fine and dandy. Does he even know what his yelling does to me? It makes me incredibly mad. Makes me want to do stupid **** like leave for days and just get high again. What is so wrong with me that every one has either grown to hate me or has abandoned me. I am truly alone. No one to go to No one to talk to.Id o the best I can and that ain't good enough for him. Nothing.

[justfloating]

(((((((((((thunderbear)))))))))))))

It's horrible when others don't understand depression. I'm so sorry that you're having such difficulties with your family right now. You're ill and they should understand that, and I know how frustrating it is when they don't. Know that you have us here to come to whenever you want. Sending lots of hugs.

[sunflower55]

I'm sorry...
You do have us to "talk" to, in a manner of speaking...
We're here to listen to whatever you have to say.
We care.

Sometimes, things are hard, I know.
For me, it is very important that I care for myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. That means I have to take time for myself.

It's also important that I remember what is good in my life.
A gratitude journal works very well.
It helps me to remember, during the darkest of times,
that there is still good.
That the sun always does rise again.

What can you do for yourself right now that will help?
Can a nice warm bath with a cup of tea help sooth you?
How about some meditation? How about prayer?
Can you escape into a book for a while? Or a movie, if a book is too much right now?
How about exercise, (if and only if it's not within 2-3 hours of your bedtime!)
These are the types of things that help me.
What can you do for you right now?

Remember, you are a beautiful child of the Universe,
and as such, you deserve all that is good.
Work for it!

Peace!

[thelionkinglives]

TB: To have no one. And literally no one. No mom no dad not much of a sister
You said you live next door to your in-laws right?
I know in the fall when BC & I had the first major fall out of our marriage I felt extremely ISOLATED & alone. We live very close to all of her family & I feel alot of times they only tolerate me because I'm with their daughter or sister. It is frustrating to not have any one who "is in your corner" so to speak. Not to just simply agree with you, but someone who puts your feelings & point of view first in their in put.

and a grandma who thinks depession is the 'devil working".
Ohh great, straight out of the mother from the Water Boy, huh?
Ignore her as best you can her in put is meaningless don't allow her views & opinion to control you...it's a waste of oxygen

I hate living in this situation.
If you truely hate the situation...then things MUST change for you. Don't keep trying to solve the same equation, the same way if the answer is wrong

i can not stand it when no one understands me.
Me either, this feeling sucks
When I get yelled at it makes my anger anxiety and depression worse.
This is a logical feeling here. Yelling doesn't solve anything. Does the yelling happen often?

It makes me feel like a piece of Sh---t like I am worthless becuse I am not good enough to be a good wife.
Yeah, yelling does do that to people. I'm assuming the yelling is when the terms ****** & selfish come out. I personally seperate these two criticisms. The B-word never serves anything constructive....Selfish can depending on the situation if it's an honest feeling & not being said while YELLING or repetively just to make you feel bad...My question here would be is what specific actions does he consider selfish? If it does not come with concrete examples it's nothing more than a hollow insult.

Makes me want to do stupid **** like leave for days and just get high again.
Leaving for a few days is not a bad thing but leaving & getting high is. If you left for a few days make it productive. Really think about where your life is & what you want out of it. This can be done much easier with a clear mind. All getting high will do is temporairily dull the pain & give them the ammo they are looking for to say "told ya so"

What is so wrong with me that every one has either grown to hate me or has abandoned me.

I've been abandoned alot in my life...it's never once had anything to do with me but I understand that doesn't stop you from feeling like that.

I'm assuming you are specifically refering to your parents, sister, husband & in-laws. Which can all have different reasons, excuses or short comings in themselves that result in them abandoning you.

I recall there was child hood sex abuse in your family right? If my memory is incorrect I appologize...my meds are wearing off

I am truly alone. No one to go to No one to talk to.Id o the best I can and that ain't good enough for him.
Is this repeatedly going on or is it a one time blow up? I know a couple weeks ago it seemed things were o.k.
Nothing.

Just a random idea & if you are truely against this that's cool, I'm not judging...have you ever tried rehab? I say that because if you go through an in patient facility...you can be clean, which will clear your head to think about your life & what you want plus once you enter there, their consern is getting YOU well, not him.

Then you can get a way for a bit & they can't see that as "bad" or "running off"

Just a thought,

LK

[thunderbear]

Originally Posted by thelionkinglives

TB: To have no one. And literally no one. No mom no dad not much of a sister
You said you live next door to your in-laws right?
I know in the fall when BC & I had the first major fall out of our marriage I felt extremely ISOLATED & alone. We live very close to all of her family & I feel alot of times they only tolerate me because I'm with their daughter or sister. It is frustrating to not have any one who "is in your corner" so to speak. Not to just simply agree with you, but someone who puts your feelings & point of view first in their in put.

and a grandma who thinks depession is the 'devil working".
Ohh great, straight out of the mother from the Water Boy, huh?
Ignore her as best you can her in put is meaningless don't allow her views & opinion to control you...it's a waste of oxygen

I hate living in this situation.
If you truely hate the situation...then things MUST change for you. Don't keep trying to solve the same equation, the same way if the answer is wrong

i can not stand it when no one understands me.
Me either, this feeling sucks
When I get yelled at it makes my anger anxiety and depression worse.
This is a logical feeling here. Yelling doesn't solve anything. Does the yelling happen often?

It makes me feel like a piece of Sh---t like I am worthless becuse I am not good enough to be a good wife.
Yeah, yelling does do that to people. I'm assuming the yelling is when the terms ****** & selfish come out. I personally seperate these two criticisms. The B-word never serves anything constructive....Selfish can depending on the situation if it's an honest feeling & not being said while YELLING or repetively just to make you feel bad...My question here would be is what specific actions does he consider selfish? If it does not come with concrete examples it's nothing more than a hollow insult.

Makes me want to do stupid **** like leave for days and just get high again.
Leaving for a few days is not a bad thing but leaving & getting high is. If you left for a few days make it productive. Really think about where your life is & what you want out of it. This can be done much easier with a clear mind. All getting high will do is temporairily dull the pain & give them the ammo they are looking for to say "told ya so"

What is so wrong with me that every one has either grown to hate me or has abandoned me.

I've been abandoned alot in my life...it's never once had anything to do with me but I understand that doesn't stop you from feeling like that.

I'm assuming you are specifically refering to your parents, sister, husband & in-laws. Which can all have different reasons, excuses or short comings in themselves that result in them abandoning you.

I recall there was child hood sex abuse in your family right? If my memory is incorrect I appologize...my meds are wearing off

I am truly alone. No one to go to No one to talk to.Id o the best I can and that ain't good enough for him.
Is this repeatedly going on or is it a one time blow up? I know a couple weeks ago it seemed things were o.k.
Nothing.

Just a random idea & if you are truely against this that's cool, I'm not judging...have you ever tried rehab? I say that because if you go through an in patient facility...you can be clean, which will clear your head to think about your life & what you want plus once you enter there, their consern is getting YOU well, not him.

Then you can get a way for a bit & they can't see that as "bad" or "running off"

Just a thought,

LK

He does this every 2 weeks or so idk but i think men have pms too he can be mean neevr pyschially but hateful n his words. Yeah SA happened but it hapenned to my sister I was beaten. I went to OP rehad for a year then NA and AA for another year. They worked. I don't get high. Except every now and then I slp up on Vicodin but usually it's after I had dental surgey or my back goes out again. Then even after the pain is gone I go to doc and get more. Then my husband has to take them and hide them. Thanks for reading and your in put. Thank BC for me too hugs to you both

[trevorzero]

The people who are around you are FAILING you. Put the burden where it belongs - on them. Do whatever you must do in order to survive, and don't worry too much about hurting the feelings of those who are sucking up your air.