"oh, its not that bad. Your just lazy!" or other rude comments

VickiesPath · Aug 13, 2009, 03:19 PM

Not sure I'm a very good ranter but here's my two cents.

For those of us who learned early to NOT REVEAL to most people that we have disabilities, we suffer privately. My family never cared. I had one good friend who cared and was always there for me. She didn't understand everything but she was my friend. Unfortunately, she died 12 years ago and I miss her every day.

My current husband is very supportive but he wasn't always. He used to think I was lazy, too. I have been slowly teaching him about bipolar illness. Last fall, I fell down my basement stairs and broke my left femur into four pieces. I was alone in the house and had to drag my leg about 30 feet to get to a phone, was carried out in a sling and now have two titanium rods in my leg that go all the way down to my artificial knee that was already there. I am left with an obvious limp but am pretty strong physically. My recovery was miraculous only because I was placed in the most God-forsaken hell-hole of a rehab hospital you can imagine with nurse Ratchett and everything and I worked hard to get out of there in one week.

My point is this: I pointed out to my husband all the pain, determination, and effort it took for me to learn to walk again. He said yes, he saw that. Then I said, when you have a mental illness, THAT determination and effort are the very things that are often lost. Lots of people asked me how my leg was coming along but I've NEVER, EVER had anyone ask me how my bipolar is coming along. Giving him that comparison helped him to understand a little more.

I am through with suffering alone. I am so happy I have found all of you.

VickiesPath · Aug 14, 2009, 02:22 PM

I had an experience that is a little different than I've experienced before.

Being bipolar, I was very lucky and stayed out of the hospital for a very long time but had a particularly tough two years and ended up in the hospital in May. After I was dc'd, my husband's daughter, who is a member of a cult of people who believe in physical immortality (I am not making this up), told my husband that I was faking my illness, that my trip into the hospital was a dramatic ploy for attention, and that her father, my husband, was a coward for putting up with it. Yes, she had the audacity to call her father a coward. Her sister told her she had no right to do that and that she had best not say those things because she didn't know me well enough to make that determination and she'd best be careful of what she says to her father. But there was no reasoning with her, she is completely brainwashed.

They haven't spoken since. My husband is heart-broken .

SophiaG · Aug 15, 2009, 08:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TrespassersWill

I could relate a lot to what you said in the first post. I'm feeling some of the same things dealing with or encountering similar idiots. One I'd like to add is being asked "how much do you make on disability?" and "can you live on that?". I never asked anyone how much they make at work or on retirement and I don't recall anyone ever asking me (other than my nosey father) how much I made when I was working. So why is it ok to ask how much disability a person makes?

That's another thing I'm not on disability yet. I've applied for it. But that's the thing I keep running into people I used to work with at the grocery store, etc and they always ask "where are you working now". There seems no good answer for that. If you say you aren't working they want to know why, then they always say well have you applied at such and such business. My therapist just said to say I've been having medical problems over the years that have suddenly gotten worse and that I have applied for disability. I tried that one but then they want to know what my problem is? Then they say but you look good or else they ask if you can live off what you make on disability. So I just say I'm disabled now and they say "OH" in that condescending way then I walk off quickly. Because of this I've become even more of a recluse than I was and try to do my shopping when others are still at work. The worst is when I run into people I worked with at the places I got fired from for disability and they look at me as if I am dirt under their feet for getting fired when all I did wrong was have difficulty learning a new task. I got fired for being a slow learner not for showing up late or not showing up at all, etc. I did everything right my brain just don't work right no more. Yet I'm trash because of this. I hate running into those idiots most just give me some kind of weird look and don't even say hi. I hate it! I'm staying home!

That makes me mad. I hate it when people ask questions that force you to give them answers that make you look bad.

Just tell them you had a breakdown in health and cant work at the moment but are doing fine.

...

Idk if that helps. I hope it does. People can be so judgemental...

(JD) · Aug 15, 2009, 08:03 PM

When someone minimizes what you are truly going through... just imagine they did that to their brain!!! DOH! They don't know they are showing their ignorance!

Puffyprue · Aug 17, 2009, 03:27 PM

(((((((((((everyone)))))))))
i know how its feel excatly , i having polio when i was a kids and now i have disabillities and somepeople give their rude comment and treated me like iam an alien from other planet those who doesnt deserved to lives here on earth or their will laughed at me coz the way i look and its hard for me to find a school (there is nothing wrong with my brain

) but there is nothing i can do .. its feel better to know that iam not alone on this ...

thunderbear · Aug 24, 2009, 12:49 PM

I have been reading the rants on here and one made me very angry the one from Crew.(I think. About the parking spot.) I'm not in a wheelchar. My body hurts but not too bad. But I get alot of that because of my mental illness. People think that just because you walk, talk, and act normal, you must be faking or overdramatizing your illness. I totally get the one above my post about the religious people. I am religous. My whole family is too (some waaay more than others) But my dad's mom she thinks she is God's prophet (don't ask me) and one day I was visiting her to make sure she was ok after my papaw died. Well while I was sitting there I had a bad panic attack. I kept calm and tried to hide it. Then all of the sudden she got up, grabbed my head and rebuked satan. No ***** That's what she did. I love God I don't mind recieving prayer but that scared the crap out of me. Seriously. And if I had a dollar for everytime some one said "oh it's not that bad. you're just lazy" I would have an oceanfront condo in St Tropez. Really.

January · Aug 24, 2009, 11:46 PM

The guidelines state there will be no discussion of religion at PC. I ask all of you to remember that as you post.

Thanks,

Jan
Moderator

mychloe · Aug 25, 2009, 02:13 AM

"you must be getting something out of this, noone is this young and this sick"

how many physicians have said that to me????

"if you just loose weight this will all get better"

-they said this to me on prednisone, with lung disease.....um ok? helpful how? and quess what, 50 pounds lighter-still sick as a dog.

Michah · Aug 25, 2009, 09:24 PM

((((((Rainbowzzz))))))

I say to people "I would gladly exchange if you like"(You moron!)......(I have an endocrine problem......very, very secret!!)

And the moron just looks at me.......well........ like a moron.......

And quietly goes into the night.........

And I am left in peace........people do not question me any more......

Take good care of you babe.......for you are precious....

Hugs,

Michah

lynn09 · Aug 26, 2009, 07:38 PM

I hear you. Here's a few more good ones:
"You're just lying about and faking your medical conditions to get sympathy from others so you can manipulate them into doing things for you."
"But you LOOK good."
"You're just a neurotic hypochondriac who needs to learn how to do things for herself."
"You've been fooling your doctors for years and have tricked them into putting you on disability."
"You CHOSE to be disabled."

My thinking now is that instead of being hurt, defensive, and reactionary, it might be better to develop some pointed responses, such as:
"I don't recall requesting a medical consult from you?"
"Really -- and where did you get your medical degree and what are your qualifications?"
"I believe my doctors are more qualified than you to evaluate and assist me in managing my disability, and I am managing my disability as best I can under their supervision. Unfortunately for you, however, unless you seek professional advice and treatment for your complete lack of empathy and compassion for your fellow humans, there isn't much hope that you will ever manage your disability or recover from being an emotional cripple."
"Perhaps you should try to find out why you feel compelled to attack, criticize, and bully those who are least able to defend themselves, especially those who are disabled."
"How have you deluded yourself into believing that you are so omniscient and omnipotent as to be authorized to measure and define the degree of suffering of others?"
"Your bitterness over not receiving enough attention from others is showing."
"Sounds to me like you have a personal problem."
"So what?"
"Are you so insecure that you're afraid others might pay more attention to me than to you?"
"So what you're saying is that anyone who is suffering less than the one person in the world who is suffering more than anyone else in the world isn't suffering at all?"

These are just a few that I'm working on myself. Obviously, anyone who would say something like that to you is being condescending, demeaning, insulting, etc., with the intention of hurting you. So, instead of addressing the words these people are saying to us, perhaps we need to learn to address the intent of their words and what their words reveal to us about their insecurities and dysfunctions. Remember, no one has the right to define you other than you, and you're disability does not define your identity either.

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