"oh, its not that bad. Your just lazy!" or other rude comments

I dont know about anyone else, but i have had it up to my eyeballs with my family or people telling me i "am just being lazy/my problems arent that bad/there are people out there who are way worse than I am/i need to get off my butt and just excersize"

it burns my butt

it burns mine too!

or...
if you pray hard enough you will be cured.
G*d must be mad at you; what did you do?
and I hate "there are people worse off than you..."
well there are also people out there better off, too.

at times, I lose my temper and will demand they show me the ones worse off...gee, I get the strangest looks

How about, "why do you think you are the way you are?" Uh, because this is how I was born?

(((Rainbowzz)))

"You're lazy and need to get off your butt"

AHEM... If YOU had a thousand needles like bees all being stabbed into your bones, muscles, tendons... at once, you'd not be moving either. Any questions?!

RIght there with ya, bowzz

• Why are you in a wheelchair?
• You LOOK normal!
• You must have done something bad for God to punish you like that.
• You've been cursed with disability for a reason. You should pray more.
• Just pray to God and he'll fix you (and if he doesn't, you don't have enough faith)
• What's wrong with YOU?
• You don't look hurt.
• There are people worse off than you, be glad.
• At least you didn't lose something, you never had it to begin with.
• What's it like being disabled?
• Why don't you get one of those electric wheelchair things?
• Do you want help? How can I help? No SERIOUSLY LET ME HELP YOU.
• God bless you for trying so hard.
• Can I pray for you?
• You know there's a pill/cure/prayer to heal you...
• Aww.
• You poor thing.
• You know, before medicine you would have died (and/or) things were way worse for you disabled people
• Why are you disabled?
• CAN YOU HAVE SEX? (I seriously have gotten that more than once)
• Do you understand me? MUST I TALK LOUDER? (assuming I'm deaf, blind, or mentally handicapped or "retarded")
• Good for you for not giving up.
• Good for you for trying.
• Good for you for doing (x,y,z menial activity that I do normally)
• Here, let me help you with that.
• You've got it easy ... _______ has it much worse.
• *pats me on the head* (Had that more than once too)
• *looks of sympathy* (had that too many times to count)
• *gawking, staring and/or pointing*
• *ignoring* (me in general, on purpose)
• You don't need x,y,z equipment/help... you should do it yourself.
• You've got a WHEELCHAIR (thanks for pointing out the obvious, really)
• You mean you can actually feed/clean/bathe/live by yourself?! WOW.
• (Speaking to other people with me, as if I can't understand/comprehend, and asking about my "condition")
• You should play x,y,z because it looks really cool (wheelchair basketball, rugby, racing).
• You must go really fast in that thing, eh? *chuckling*
• You should do x,y,z alterations on your wheelchair 'cause that'd look awesome!! (Pimp my wheelchair. Only boys do this one. At least they're inventive... sometimes)
• Woah, watch how you drive that thing!
• Hey, do you have a license to drive that wheelchair?? *laughing*
• Come on, you're just lazy... you look too normal to be disabled.
• You don't LOOK disabled. (except minus the wheelchair, right......)
• You must see the doctor an awful lot... you must be the reason why the healthcare system is in crisis and wait times for doctors are so long...
• What happened?
• You know, I know (random person) who has (random illness/disability) ... do you know them?? (no! I dont know everyone with a disability everywhere)
• Does it hurt?
• Can I get what you've got? Can I catch it?
• You must know/have met Rick Hansen (famous disabled person).
• Do you participate in the Special Olympics?
• Come on, stop complaining, there are people worse off than you are.
• You think YOU have it bad... what about ... x,y,z?
• *random people coming up to me* I'm sorry (you're disabled).
• Can I ask you x,y,z random question about disabilities/medical stuff/my personal life and history.

People are insensitive even if they are well meaning because they don't understand, are trying to make conversation by half-heartedly trying to relate or trying to make excuses for their own insecurities by disparaging you for your own problems.

Always remember, words have no power unless YOU empower them.

Hugs,
Stormy

My ex became completely insensitive, we used to be very active as a couple, hillwalking and climbing. Until i was diagnosed with a physically debilitating problem and had a breakdown things were good but after he just didnt accept it, he would leave me at times, unable to get up and feed myself so he could go play in the mountains with his friends and still have the cheek to say that i made him feel guilty for doing it! We were married a long time and i did everything for him, even doing his washing on my hands and knees in the end only to be told that i hadnt done the washing up! Needless to say, it got to the point i couldnt take any more so we are no longer together. Life is much better in some respects, i have to depend on my daughter and friends but at least they care. Im still disabled and still trying to sort my head but at least im the only person nagging myself now

You are all very brave and beautiful people, and I realize it is difficult to feel that way when someone is dumping on you... well, it's turn-around time, I say.

Time to say... 'why would you ask such a thing' or 'no, it is you being unfair to me, not the other way around'.

Even if we don't say to anyone but ourselves, we are laying out the truth of the situation before us, who truly matters in the big picture.

Sadly, people just don't think when they talk sometimes.

And some... well, they shouldn't talk at all, lol. 0;

Anyway, it matters, I have recently learned, what we tell ourselves and our bodies. We are so good, and as wholesome as anyone else, with our well-beings intact.

Except for severe pain, we may feel like a million bucks when we want to... and if that is difficult, thru affirmations and reassurance...

If I can't get it in time, some back-up to get me going when I need it, I pop in a tape that tells me to relax, goes thru the calming technique with me, then loads me up with fantastic affirmations relating to my problems with cancer and the surgery I had.

We are as good as ever. Better than we believe and even know.

I read that all humans only use a small percent of their potential. SO...all, being the jocks and starlets, that is everyone.

At least it is a blessing for us when things get better and change for the best, because we appreciate and recognize!

ahhhh.. lovely rant!

Peace and Love,
night

xoxo

oh that makes me so mad when...
I wait in line for that 1 handicap parking spot. I get in and then ppl come over and say... "you shouldn't be out in public because it makes ppl feel the need to do something for you"
Why can't you stay at home, ppl don't like seeing ppl like you...
You don't have a VAN how can you park here...
As I come back to my car with dirty notes, slimmy spit...

Makes me so sick that ppl feel they can get away with saying the horrible things ppl say.

My reason for being in a wheelchair is from years and years of extreme abuse to the point I no longer could walk but with Pain.
Then have someone say I don't belong "in the world" grrrrrrrrrr
Thank goodness I have you all. ThaCrew

I am sorry that you have had to endure this kind of BS, it is absolutely disgusting. And for a person who could very well end up in a wheelchair too, it is a little scary!

But then the world is full of sick, self obssessed people who parade around as so called 'normal'! I think ill stop there or i might lose the plot!

Be strong, remember that the kind of stupid idiots who do pathetic nasty things are just so gormless and that their one braincell doesnt comprehend empathy and respect ~ that makes them worthless human beings. They deserve no more passing thought than that.

Well i managed to keep it flowery for the sake of not upsetting anyone, but i hope you get my drift!

Take care

"I get in and then ppl come over and say... "you shouldn't be out in public because it makes ppl feel the need to do something for you"

OMG Crew, that makes me SOOOOOOOOOOOO GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! I GRRRR at those ppl for you!!! You know what? Let's all make a pact - from now on, when people have the nerve to say that crap (i can't even type I'm so mad!!!) let's have the NEVRE to respectfully answer back (and we can practice in here!!!).

I'll start practicing...

I'm sorry you feel that you have to belittle people to make yourself feel better. It must be really hard being you.

I'm amazed you can say such a thing and think that it would be ok with me.

Perhaps you didn't learn the lesson, "If you can't say something nice, don't say nuttin at all!" Go watch Bambi again.

Being a human, like you are, it really hurts that you could try to wound me with such words.

I don't need or want your pitty - I have enough self esteem without it, tyvm!

ok your turn =)

I could relate a lot to what you said in the first post. I'm feeling some of the same things dealing with or encountering similar idiots. One I'd like to add is being asked "how much do you make on disability?" and "can you live on that?". I never asked anyone how much they make at work or on retirement and I don't recall anyone ever asking me (other than my nosey father) how much I made when I was working. So why is it ok to ask how much disability a person makes?

That's another thing I'm not on disability yet. I've applied for it. But that's the thing I keep running into people I used to work with at the grocery store, etc and they always ask "where are you working now". There seems no good answer for that. If you say you aren't working they want to know why, then they always say well have you applied at such and such business. My therapist just said to say I've been having medical problems over the years that have suddenly gotten worse and that I have applied for disability. I tried that one but then they want to know what my problem is? Then they say but you look good or else they ask if you can live off what you make on disability. So I just say I'm disabled now and they say "OH" in that condescending way then I walk off quickly. Because of this I've become even more of a recluse than I was and try to do my shopping when others are still at work. The worst is when I run into people I worked with at the places I got fired from for disability and they look at me as if I am dirt under their feet for getting fired when all I did wrong was have difficulty learning a new task. I got fired for being a slow learner not for showing up late or not showing up at all, etc. I did everything right my brain just don't work right no more. Yet I'm trash because of this. I hate running into those idiots most just give me some kind of weird look and don't even say hi. I hate it! I'm staying home!

I hear you Rainbow and hate it that it is my husband that seems to say it the most.... not for sure if he is just trying to give my courage to go on or if he actually believes what he is saying.

Tresspasser... I think this is why the phrase "I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you" came to pass. Use a the right accent, a twinkle in your eye, and raise an eyebrow. Be mysterious. Then either walk off or change the topic =)

I am at a point where this couple (who knew me when I was "healthy and fit for society) now want to get together. Running into people for 5 min or less convo is one thing... purposely going over to visit people I used to know .... wtf do i say to them? Most my life is a secret from people because I have learned how easily info falls into the wrong hands. The rest is like you just explained - having to tell them things that is none of their business.
I thought I wanted to see them, too - until i gave it some thought. *scratches head*. now I don't know how to get out of it.

People can be very cruel....It makes me so disheartened to read these posts. My 25 y/o daughter (has an incurable, very painful bladder disease) gets "well you don't look sick"..."why don't you just try harder to do something with your life"....even from doctors......It's just so wrong whether your disability is visible or not. They should just feel blessed that they don't have to go through your hell or have a loved one that does.

(((((HUGS to all of you))))))

I agree Kiya! I'm coy enough to get away with things like that. Staying up on current events, including sports in general, gives me material to keep the spotlight off me. (but I do become paralyzed sometimes)

Plus, most people are keen to speak of themselves, wife, husband, children, mother, father, brother, pets, sprained ankle, housekeeper, hangnail, etc!

These days aside from two ladies everyone else I am friends with is disabled. I just can't stand to be around so called normal people anymore because they are so cruel. Even visiting churches is out because they always judge you at church by how much you make and they always ask you where you work. I visited a church for awhile and I had people being snooty with me telling me that "well we are all professional people" which translate into rich snobs. One woman I had known and was friends with a DECADE ago came up to me at the church picnic without me saying thing to her and she promptly told me how I my life was worthless and what all I needed to do to correct it as if I could change my physical disability of not being able to walk and having an incurable autoimmune disease. Did I mention this lady is a psychologist? Yes how is that for tact? Not only that she was judging me based how who she knew 10 years earlier as that was the last time we had talked and I've had a lot of stuff happen to me since then. And I'd rather not get into my mental disabilities of being born with learning disabilities and also having PTSD as I feel that is nobody's business. Surely as you tell them they will use it against you.

My husband was permanently disabled from an incident at work, that was Aug. 31, 1992. He fell going into the grocery store one day and people stepped over him, kicked him, and made fun of "that damn drunk" as he laid in pain. I was unable to pick him up. Cops drove by and wouldn't stop to assist us....I will NEVER go back to San Diego again.

He's unable to work since he can't stand more than 30 - 45 minutes and then needs a cane...he has a mobility scooter for any real distance. Because his disability left him in a weakened condition, (he WAS a heavy smoker as well) he developed COPD and he has sleep apnea and he's diabetic...plus other things...he did quit smoking 2 1/2 years ago amd he finds pleasure in his computer. He's not lazy, he's disabled!!!

I feel for every one of you. I was born deaf with blindness in my left eye. I grew up fighting discrimination. I was doing quite well until I acquired more disabilities over the years. Many people don't understand why I can't hold down jobs because I look normal to them, even physically. I can physically able to work, but I always pay the price with physical breakdown. I also have chronic major depression that I manage. I have had a stroke when I was 33. I may have an undiagnosed condition like fibromyalgia. So, it's tricky. I am quite ADD-ish and don't get certain things done. I'm sort of like lackadaisal (sp?). I try so hard and end up overdoing it, so it's counterproductive for me to push myself. Of course, I like to push and challenge myself and there's still a price for that. Makes me mad that I had to prove myself to be worthy in society. I will rant about disabilities rights anywhere whether people like it or not.

I feel for you and relate so much Hugssssssss

As a Christian, this one hurts the most. I've had two different pastors in two completely different types of churches say this to me.

The first was an ultra-Charismatic "name it and claim it" type and. If "claiming my healing didn't work, then they felt it was that it was the cause of "demons" and I needed to go through "deliverance." (A woman in this church was actually told by another member that her husband died of cancer because someone spoke negatively. )

The other is an Episcopal church. The comment was made by the elderly assistant Rector who I truly admire, but I really think that his generation does not understand mental illness. Heck, there are still people in our "enlightened era" that don't if they have not been exposed to it somehow. His response: "You can wake up in the morning and "choose" to be happy or depressed."

I would LOVE it to be that easy. Sure would have saved a LOT of money in pdoc visits, meds, emotional wear and tear, loss of the profession I love, unpaid student loads, bill collectors, etc.

I can sooo relate to this and find it despicable that other people are that blasted nosy. My standard answer now when people ask me what I do (meaning where do you work) is: "I'm semi-retired; looking into some volunteer work." I generally get looks of awe over this response since I'm not retirement age. I think the people get the impression I must be wealthy...lol. They generally do not continue the questioning

As for losing jobs due to disability - been there too. No one seems to understand crippling anxiety/depression. I swear I'm going to find a way to bring public awareness of these types of issues somehow.

I've learned that one the hard way. *Hugs*

ETA: And the fact that it happens in church just totally burns me up.

Good rants folks!

One day I'd love to respond to one of those folks who says "You don't look disabled." with "Well, you don't look like a moron either."

I have a co-worker who asks why I don't "just" control my fibro!?!?! Like I enjoy having this wonderful disorder! Does he think that I wouldn't do something to "control" it if I could?

Have also heard the "you chose to be depressed" from people. If only thinking cheerful thoughts was all I had to do to pull myself out of the abyss.

How about those folks who say you must have done something in this life (or a past one) to deserve having a disability. Trust me folks, I've never done anything to merit this.

People treat me like that all the time.
I am high functioning autistic and sometimes use communication device to talk. People talk to me like I am MR or something. It is like they feel like they have to dumb things down for me or something, and talk to me like I am a child , it really gets on my nerves.
I also get the family and people who think I am just lazy and everything. I am 25 and still live with my parents, so I get the 'you need to grow up and be responsible, and mom and dad wont be around for ever to take care of you, and you need to do this and that... But do you think any of these people will actually help me, nope, they dish it out, but then arnt around to support or help you to get there