[Sad_Chelsea]

I'm 30 years old and have had health problems throughout my life. Obviously mental health issues have always been a problem for me, even as early as my preschool years it was evident there was something wrong with me. I was incredibly shy and withdrawn, anxious, I struggled academically and needed a lot of support which I never received. All the while that I lagged behind my peers, no one ever felt the need to have me evaluated to see what was going on. Instead the general assumption was that I was lazy, not trying hard enough.. my parents belittled me constantly calling me a problem child and telling me I'd never amount to anything.
Well my parents may have been psychic because indeed I never amounted to anything. After dropping out of school, I spent several years being unemployed, living in a shelter and receiving welfare. From the age of 23-25, I moved to a cheap apartment, worked 12 hours a week for minimum wage while still receiving some welfare. After quitting that job and being unable to find work for an extended period of time I found a low skill job, minimum wage, 30 hours a week with no benefits (such as health or dental). I've worked there for four years now and have managed to under perform to such an extent that I've never got a raise or been put on the health/dental plan other employees receive (which would obviously help me out greatly).

Now the lame thing is that I have genuinely tried to be a good employee and get ahead in life but there are just so many layers of problems that I feel incapable of making improvements. Besides my mental health issues, low self esteem and shyness, I also have multiple physical health challenges. I have a diagnosis from a neurologist of dystonia. Some other symptoms I get include tremors, coordination problems, slowness, frequent headaches, generalized pain and stiffness, and crippling fatigue. I also have had strange occurrences where I felt like I was having seizures and a few times I've had strange delusions/psychosis but that problem will go away. I suffered tremendously with trigeminal neuralgia for a length of time but it has gone into remission. I haven't had a brain MRI or any testing, my diagnosis of dystonia was based on the fact that it was visible to the neurologist. I've been surgically diagnosed with stage 3 endometriosis and allergies but those conditions are not troubling for me. I did start taking medication for my dystonia a few weeks ago. I made a huge mistake and had a few drinks while at my sister's birthday party.. well apparently medications and alcohol don't mix too well. I completely embarrassed myself. I passed out on the toilet and couldn't get up. Some people dragged me to the floor, I threw up on myself and on the carpet. I remember being unable to respond or move, yet I could hear people around me talking. And of course it was my sister and boyfriend talking about me, saying that my health problems are all in my head and that I fake being sick either for sympathy or so doctors will give me medications. Then not only that but they complained about how much of an inconvenience I cause other people by asking for a ride to my specialist appointments. The only reason I ask for a ride is because with all the issues going on I don't feel I'm safe to drive. I can barely manage driving a few minutes in a small town with minimal traffic. I don't think it would be safe to drive on the highway in order to get to the city to see my neurologist.
I apologize sincerely if I sound like I'm being a victim or anything like that, it's been a really hard day for me.

[sideblinded]

Sad_Chelsea Hello and welcome to PC.

I am glad that you found PC. This will be a great place to get extra help and find some support. Your situation sounds so awful to me. I can only imagine how frustrated you must feel at all of your circumstances. You certainly have a lot of things going on. I was wondering if you ever got an evaluation due to your failing grades and difficulty in school. Something could have been missed there. Also, have you been evaluated by any mental health professionals? I really feel for your issues and I hope that things will get better for you.

I was overlooked as a youngster for ADHD. I was not diagnosed until about 10 months ago. I am now 57. It has been a long road of mishaps but I was just curious in your situation. Sometimes doctors miss disorders and we can spend our lives picking up the pieces.

Please keep reaching out here and at home. Many others will want to offer their support and give you some great feedback.

If you have any questions about how to navigate this site feel free to contact a community liaison or moderator. Best wishes here on PC and in your life.

[CANDC]

Welcome to Psych Central Sad_Chelsea. Sorry you are feeling sad in a pattern of low self esteem and physical ailments. Your parents appear to be less psychic than they are lacking abilities for being nurturing of you and your needs.

You are not alone here a Psych Central. There are many nice, caring people here. Feel free to private message me or any community liason by left clicking on their name underlined in blue to the left of the post and selecting Send a private message to .....[their name]

There are many forums here
http://forums.psychcentral.com

Thank you for sharing your story.

[avlady]

i feel so bad for you, not pity but total concern. you should see a doc and t for one thing just to talk all this ovr with. i know sometimes ignorant people don't understand or can't be bothered. your sister and bf don't sound like people you should see much of. your parents were ignorant too. you definately have some serious problems that need to be addressed right away

[Christina86]

Hi Chelsea!

I'm sorry your family is so insensitive. I've been accused of being a hypochondriac too by my family -- and it is definitely not nice or supportive!

Family can be either our greatest support, or greatest annoyance (and sometimes both!)

Sorry you're dealing with so much. But you've found a great group of supportive people here.

[Sad_Chelsea]

I agree my parents were very ignorant, I have two sisters actually, the other one I never talk to, only see her during family gatherings. My parents were good to my sisters and not surprisingly their lives turned out very different from mine.. both are successful, married and have children. I rarely talk to my mom, no interest in calling her. I'm going to try to make friends so I won't be so lonely as I have been.

[Bird Feeder]

Try really hard to get an MRI. A lot of your symptoms sound like I once was..... I thought I was a hypochondriac. Then a neurologist did an MRI and found I had a brain malformation called an Arnold Chiari Malformation. I had surgery and most everything cleared up. PM me if you want more info. Good luck.

[Sad_Chelsea]

Thanks bird_feeder, that's something interesting I never considered.. never heard of arnold chiari malformation but I'll read about it. I've had an MRI and CT scan but that was to look at a problem with my left TMJ.. never got a clear answer on why I have such a hypermobile jaw and eventually I stopped asking.

I know this is stupid question, but any suggestions on how I can ask to get a brain MRI? I'm extremely passive and most doctors are intimidating.. When I asked my neurologist why I have dystonia all he said to me is that there's no way to know what causes dystonia.. he didn't saying anything about running some diagnostic tests, he just gave me a prescription for clonazepam and sent me out the door with plenty of unanswered questions.

[Bird Feeder]

Have you had an MRI of your brain and brain stem? That is what finally led the drs. to the correct diagnosis in my case. Read up on Chiari malformations and see if those symptoms fit, there are a ton of different symptoms, and see how those fit with you. I would go into the drs and tell him you have done some reading, ask if you could have an MRI of your brain to rule out a chiari malformation. They are not as rare as they would have you believe. Good luck and feel free to ask me anymore questions. I can get as specific as you need.

[Sad_Chelsea]

I haven't had an MRI of my brain or brainstem but I agree that would be a smart idea to ask about that. My first appointment with a neurologist was in January, I'm seeing him again in April. The clonazepam has surprisingly been helping my type of dystonia to an extent... unfortunately the bad side effect has been that the clonazepam has significantly worsened my pre-existing depression. I've always had problems with self-loathing but it's at a level now where it's as bad as it can possibly get..also experiencing suicidal thoughts, I haven't attempted I just feel I'm so done with this life and that the world would be a better place without me in it.
I also have a psychiatrist appointment this Monday, will talk to him about it too, but my psychiatrist is not usually much help to me.. Thanks again for the replies, I very much appreciate how helpful everyone has been