realizing

bebop · May 18, 2009, 05:16 PM

that I can no longer be the woman I use to be is so very hard. to realize I can't do the things I use to that are needed in every day life. to realize I can't earn an income. to go out and do fun things anymore is taking its toll on me lately. well heck..let me be honest here. I have been severely depressed for over a yr now due to all things listed and then some. some days I just want to sleep and not wake up but that is not my path. I am too young to be retired! medically or otherwise! errrrrrrrrrrrr

May 18, 2009, 05:52 PM

aww(((bebop))))))) sending you caring thoughts.
your body may not be the same. But your inner spirit is the same.
Im so sorry this is happeneing to you .
please know i care
and you matter
wish i could wave my wand and fix it all for you .

bebop · May 18, 2009, 10:12 PM

thank you muffy. it is just so hard emotionally to admit I am half or less the person I use to be. I thought I had accepted it but some days are tougher than others.

cantstopcrying · May 18, 2009, 10:22 PM

Oh bebop!! I'm sending you gentle hugs--I know how you feel, sort of....thank goodness I am still able to work, but I too am mourning the person I used to be--at least I was until I read your post and saw you said, "...the woman..." you used to be and it hit me that we are still the same women we were, we just can't do the same things and we have this new lovely BFF that won't leave---depression. Like muffy said, you are still the same down inside, your spirit and heart and soul. It is terribly difficult not to be able to do the fun things. I, too, wish there were a magic wand to wave. I do hope that the depression doesn't keep you from seeing the terrific person you still are, despite the depression, despite the pain.

daggy · May 19, 2009, 06:31 AM

((( Ms E ))
we all get that down in the dumps way every so often and we arent as young as we make out to be are we

here is something that might put a smile on your face
If you think you got troubles I walked into the Dr`s office today for a simple blood pressure check and ended up peeing into a bottle

now they tell ME that my good years are behind me .
If I would have know there was a use by date on my equipment I would have well and truly given it a better run for my money

for us both I say

I skipped a whole section of good times in 1 day

we just have to pick ourselves up and dust of the poop and see what we can make out of things because there is no going back now

hows the non smoking going ?

huge hugs

bebop · May 19, 2009, 09:56 AM

can'tstop thank you hon. yes I am still the same woman I suppose. it is just so darn hard at times to see that. so much in my life has changed in the last 4 years.

daggy my dear...thank you. yeah I hate the getting old part. will be 52 here in a few days. scarey! hmmmm the smoking.....started back. I really need to stop!

Miracle1986 · May 19, 2009, 10:01 AM

(((Elaine)))
Do you need an ear to talk to whether than typing?
I can call you (you will have to PM me your # again though,
somehow it got erased out of my phone!!!)

January · May 19, 2009, 10:14 AM

(((((((((((((((((( Be )))))))))))))))))))

I am so very sorry you feel this way. Please know that your feelings are very normal as you try to adjust to being disabled. If you can get interested in some hobbies; reading, playing games on the computer, anything that your injuries will allow and might catch your interest.

You are so special and dear to this world. Even if you can't see it right now, it is entirely true.

Love and many hugs,

Jan

bebop · May 19, 2009, 12:43 PM

awe my awesome Jan. yeah I sit at this computer all darn day long playing games and coming here. yesterday for some reason was just really tough on me emotionally. missing having a real mom all my life. yes I had one until I was like 35 but she was never a real mommy to me. guess that brought all the other stuff out.

January · May 19, 2009, 09:19 PM

(((((((((((((( Be )))))))))))))))

I feel like I didn't say enough in my last post, but I don't really know what to add. Rest assured you are not in this alone. Rest assured you are definitely not the only one to feel this way. That may be cold comfort, but maybe it will help a little.

On my good days I want to reach for the stars and go after my dreams and then all too soon, reality sets in and I have to admit once more that my health doesn't permit it.

I know the frustration and the fear. We shall sit here side by side and drink cups of tea and eat hot buttered scones. We shall be all right. Ok?

Love and hugs,

Jan