[purplang]

everything feels so stuffed and out-of -control...has been for quite awhile now. we seem to have so much twirling around that i've shut down doing what needs to be done. maybe i can explain it better.... for about a year now i've been flooding and my t wants to get it all out but i dont want to hear it so i've used my many forms of distrations to not deal at all.

its all very hard for me to do the work from "the past" when i have to live in "the present." but the more i deter the more it all seeps out. now i cant seem to keep up with anything. our health is failing, our finances are sinking, we are isolating ourselves from more and more people, and what was once a manageable and working system is now flighty, unpridictable, and just a plain mess. i'm just not sure where to go from here or how go get motivated again to get going.

everything now feels very hopeless and useless and why keep going like this............

[multipixie9]

hi purplang,

i do understand what you are saying. we've been in similar shape the last two years.

i think there comes a time when the parts inside holding onto all the pain and fear and horrors get tired and begin to lose the power to keep denying their misery. some even get angry and just want to get some help.

my system began to break down, get ill more often, have bad headaches and feel like crap all the time. when i managed to begin to see things from the insiders perspective and take care of their needs better, then they began to cooperate more.

if you feel miserable out here, guess how they feel stuck inside with the bad stuff from the past and no one to care that they went through such horrors and no one protected them or defended them from any of it (at least that was it for me).

the only way to permanent healing and workable solutions is through cooperative effort inside and out. i do know it is very hard and i sympathize, but the way out is through. gentle hugs if you want them,

leslie and her pixies

[purplang]

thank you....

we've worked on all the surface stuff, all the things that was already known. its the hidden and deeper memories that i'm having problems with. they are painful and scary and very hard for me to cope with.

we've worked very hard to let go of some very destructive behaviors and my t said "those things may try to crop up while working on harder issues." well i think that statement was like a weight that suddenly got put on my shoulders. i don't want a repeat of the past.

i'd rather just spend time with my happy 3 year old gr.daughter then to relive my painful childhood but i know that if i dont get things together soon i risk not even being able to do that.

angela

[Piper16]

Just wanted to say thanks for sharing that. I seem to be in a similar place. Things I thought were dealt with, really weren't. But I have been stable for many years and suddenly things are falling apart again. Sorry you are dealing with that, and I hope you can get going on it again, to get thru it and beyond it all.