In general, I don't mind my dissociation much. Probably because what I later learned to be depersonalization I never thought of as different at all. Now, more recent developments that involve identity and such, well, that's stressful...but I have other threads for that.

One thing that actually I find to be the most distressful, is being somewhere that you've been many times before...but then you have absolutely no idea where you are. Like, this neighborhood/city, which I've lived in several points growing up. But then, at some point I'd be walking by and not able to recognize anything like I've never been there before until someone has to point it out. Maybe that's one reason why I can never give out directions...

It's just distressful, I mean, what about when I go off into the real world with my own job and house and living out there on my own and suddenly I'm driving down the street and I don't know what my house looks like or what street to turn on and get lost? I don't think it's fly well with any boss if I get a job saying "sorry I'm late for work, I took a wrong turn and had to search forever to find the building because I forgot what this place looked like."

I don't know, maybe this has absolutely nothing to do with dissociation and my brain is just messed up, but I've heard a lot of things about dissociation and then you can't recognize something that you should be able to. But you know, it wasn't always this way, I mean heck, when my brother and I were in first grade as well as some other unspecified chunk of memories that I can't place on the time line we'd walk back and forth to school everyday (alone!) without any issues. You's think if it was a brain issue then it's be something that I was born with.

[TrespassersWill]

I don't know if this has anything to do with Dissociation or what you have experienced. But I grew up in a very rural, isolated community and lived there the first 29 years of my life. I then moved almost two thousand miles away to another state. Bigger town, more people, tons of traffic, everything is different. Though I've moved over a decade ago I still have these moments mostly when I am out sitting in traffic where I get this weird panic come over me. I think to myself OMG Where am I?? How did I get here??? I used to chalk that up to culture shock. But sometimes I wonder about that little panicing voice inside of me that has no clue how I got here, cannot believe I am living here, then cannot believe I would move here of all places, etc. Does that have anything to do with dissociation?

[Crew]

Hey!

Kaika, we have been there ALOT! Before Dx of MPD at the time now of course DID we would be heading to lifequard and at the time we lived in Arkansas and we ended up in Arizona. It was nice to know later after Dx of MPD that I had no co-consciousness at all. I often did that alot and it's actually normal for someone with DID to do that. Try getting co-consciousness going, get ppl talking inside and at first it may be harder but it's so nice being aware what my other parts are doing. Yet, even after being Dx we still had that problem.
If you are that concerned about your job, maybe your T or a good trusted friend can go with you and talk to your boss. I have done that many times before and usually the boss is glad to help because now you have a witness.
Maybe a good way of figuring it out would be to try to get the co-conscious inside going... And if you have already got that started start really listening, because those alters saved you and you are a SURVIVOR! That is Huge. Try not to be so hard on yourself(s)
Take care and your welcome to PM us if you have to talk or whatever. Are hugs okay just in case lets do the hug, less intimadating. Know were thinking of you ThaCrew

[jdteach]

wow! arkansas to arizona!
this happens to me a lot in large stores. my friends tease me about my "mall lung", the imaginary disease i get from all the clothing fumes while shopping, but what happens is i lose all idea of where i am and how i got there. it's kind of freaky, so it helps to try to shop, even for groceries, when i am at my best. then the others inside will help out and keep me out of the "men's intimates" department.

kaika, have you ever tried using gps? this helps me a LOT! i program it before i leave my driveway and haven't gotten lost since.

I've never tried GPS before (somehow I think it would be difficult to read) my friends and I joke about it too. they sometimes got a little exasperated, but figure I'm like Einstein or just very easily confused or something, it's the adults who get frustrated.

[multipixie9]

Kaika,

For a long time I just thought I COMPLETELY SUCKED AT navigating!!!My husband goes someplace once and can usually get back there again. I could go someplace three or four times and still get completely lost and panicky. It was awful. Sometimes I would totally FREAK OUT and scream and beat on the roof of my car and cry. That did not go over to well with my real KIDS!!!! I just thought I was stupid and defective.

I am not stupid or defective, but dissociation makes me so much more focused on what is happening INSIDE my mind than on anything around me in the physical world - and at the same time I am hypervigilant in some other part of my mind watching for any sign or hint of danger. OY VEY!!!!! That is not even the half of it.

So, much of what all of you shared is probably dissociative - though probably not exclusively from dissociation - we just seem to have a more extreme sense of being lost. Before GPS - which I haven't learned to use yet, I made written instructions for how to get places AND how to get back home!!! I kept them in the glove box in my car. It beat having hysterics when I got lost. Plus I gave myself extra time to get places and built in an expectation that I would get lost and plans for how to handle that without physical damage to me or the car.

Whoever said you should be easier on yourself is correct. Being harsh about these episodes just ramps up the tension which increases the chances you will blank out from stress and switch. When I learn to be kind and gentle with myself I do better all around. We deserve some kindness, we've been hurt too much as it is.

We are getting more co-conscious as we get help and it does many good things for us all. Hang in there and just keep on keeping on.

Leslie and the Pixies

Pixies

You know, I bet it would make life easier if I at least told my T about these things. but it's almost funny how interested he is in things I just pass off as everyday life...

I remember the first time this happened, I was about well, anywhere from 8-11 I think. Blah, horrible times remembering age. But anyways, I had a friend and we decided to go to this big party that was right down the street at the elementary school. Well, I was bored and wanted to go home. Well, what do you know? I turned around and didn't know where to go (little did I know my apartment building was right down the street) I wanted to find my friend so we both could go back but couldn't find her either! (just so you know, she was 7 years old) it worked out though in the end. My mom gave me a hug and a cookie because I was still crying

[multipixie9]

Hey Kaika,

I know what you mean. It is such a freak out to a small child to suddenly not know where they are and how to get someplace safe. I think my memory is the thing that bugs me the most about being dissociative. Things do not stay in place, they shift around or disappear - except for really bad stuff that stays in place like it was glued there!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!

I think it is a GOOD idea to maybe share some of this with your T. The more he understands your reality the better he can help you with your life. Plus, you can think of it as educational - you are helping him gain more understanding and experience as a T. Makes you feel downright philanthropic don't it....=) (i'm in a weird mood tonight=)

Pixies

I really like the T I have right now, he's not like other people.

It's something I plan on doing eventually, though I've only had two sessions so far. The first one he just asked a bunch of questions, the second one we ended up talking about my brother the whole time....

Anyways, I thought I had my time line straight, but then about 5 years I discovered one of my memories was made up, and then a long time after that I found presents I thought I gave to my mom back when I was about 6, turns out I was 8. And then I realized how off-kilter it actually is.

(((Kaika)))
It IS off kilter...that's a really good way to phrase it.
When I was young, I thought if I couldn't see my house of family, they didn't exist. As you can imagine, going to school was torture and I couldn't let it show or tell anyone how scared I was. Now, I'll be driving and trying to pay attntion, and suddenly I have no idea where I am. Nothing looks familiar to me. It is very scary but so far nothing horrible has happened because of it...just "minor" issues...
Does grounding help at all? I try it but by the time I realize I need it, I'm too far gone.
I hope this gets easier for you.

I don't really know, it's something that just happens sometimes, and is unpredictable, and really doesn't have emotional forewarning or anything.

[Kendyll]

I've had that exact sort of thing. Sometimes i just don't know where I am. where-ever I am, it just doesn't look right. I've even had it happen at home - suddenly I feel like i'm in a stranger's place and nothing looks familiar. Driving home and having to trust the street signs because I can't recognize intersections.

The flip side to it is that if I've been someplace once, I can almost always find it again. It's not so much about remembering directions as it is recalling the look and feel of the route.