[Fox]

Well my T asked me to draw myself because I've drawn her my imaginary friends and she's curious how I see me and wants to see if I picture myself the way she sees me. I drew her a total of four pictures. One (1)just a sketch of a faceless me which I (2)redrew and painted I'll show you guys that one since I took a pic of it. (3)I also drew someone peeking out from behind a partially opened door but there's no details it's a shadowed figure in a dark room. (4)I drew a little boy (I have a female body but have always seen myself as male) holding wilting flowers behind his back and covered in dirt standing in a mud puddle on the carpet, crayons on the floor with a drawing on the wallpapered wall, a cat rubbing on his legs, my first imaginary friend (a ninja) hanging from the ceiling carefreely giving the peace sign, and a guilty expression on the boy's face.

http://i577.photobucket.com/albums/s.../IMG000021.jpg <---- painting

http://i577.photobucket.com/albums/s.../IMG000022.jpg <---- RL pic of me

I was wondering what sort of reaction can I expect from my T. She's exploring the idea of me possibly having DD NOS since I do have DID traits but don't fit in the perfect box and haven't had an official evaluation in that direction. My psychiatrist knows about my imaginary friends and I think that my T talks to him about me because I'm "interesting" and a good topic over lunches apparently. So I dunno what's going to happen when I show her the pictures. I'd like to just have an idea of what I might expect since the unexpected is one of my many stresses. And yeah I kinda realize that she may not even be thinking about my dissociation, I just want to know in general what to expect of her.

[Luce]

Hi there.
That's a great painting. Do you paint other stuff too?

Here's what I reckon you can expect from your T - QUESTIONS!
Just because she's a T and T's a really annoying when it comes to asking too many of those.

I don't know exactly WHAT questions she will ask, but I am pretty sure you can expect some!

[kris9999]

That is a nice painting Fox, and you are very skilled but is this what your t honestly wants to see? Does it reflect your soul? I think by self portrait your T was wanting you to pain your soul mainly. If this does reflect your soul than I'm sure she will love it because it is beautiful!

[LivingMiracle]

Amazing fox! Simply amazing! I'm glad you decieded to do all of those so she can pick and choose which ones she wants. Being me though I wanna see the rest You know me! Love your art.

Luce is right too, except tons of questions.

[Fox]

Thanks guys.

Luce, great, questions that'll probably make me cry if she asks the right ones. I actually hope she does make me cry. I always feel so much better after crying but I don't cry often. Last time I cried was a couple weeks ago and it was because a dear friend watched a movie with me then after asked me what was troubling me because for the past few months I've been very withdrawn. I told her "I don't know" and she insisted that I did then began asking questions that made me think about all the things I've been trying to hide from in life. She's a great friend. When I was done crying because of all the guilt and the burdens I put on myself I started crying because I found a true friend and am now scared since she will die before me since she's my parents' age.

I don't know my soul to paint it though Kris. I'm a mystery to myself. Everyone else acts like they know me. But "me" is I don't know. Everything is just body parts, I think that my brain is me but brains are just meat that rots. So I dunno how to show myself on paper. If she were to tell me paint your soul I'd give her a blank paper. Which I also plan on giving her with the letterings "Self Portrait".

Okay sister I'll see if I can't use my webcam for the others too but they're kinda small but we'll try ^__^

Okay it seemed to work though kinda pixel-ie

http://i577.photobucket.com/albums/s.../IMG000023.jpg - inner child hiding
http://i577.photobucket.com/albums/s.../IMG000024.jpg - the sketch of the painting
http://i577.photobucket.com/albums/s.../IMG000025.jpg - how I see myself especially in my dreams.
http://i577.photobucket.com/albums/s.../IMG000026.jpg - this one I really don't know lolz. My oldest biological brother says it looks like a rabbit but the "ear" was supposed to be the top of his head opened up xD not a self portrait well in a way kinda I dunno.
http://i577.photobucket.com/albums/s.../IMG000027.jpg - Max's fursona. A Squirrel Husky Tiger. (A fursona's basically an animal form of yourself, you know like persona but fur instead of per. Online people usually rp as their fursonas)

[multipixie9]

Hi Fox,

Like Luce I think the T will ask some questions to get you talking about yourself and why you see yourself in these ways. On your pic of the inner child hiding in the darkened room - she might ask you, "why is your inner child hiding?" "Can you tell me why the room she's in is dark" "Why is the sketch of you blank with no features and what does that mean about you or to you"?

I don't think these will be too scary, because I think she wants to know how you relate to yourself in this life. It sounds kinda positive to me, like she cares to see you in whatever way you present yourself.

Once you go, maybe you can come back and let us know how it went and what she asked.... I gotta admit, now I am curious! (or maybe I'm being snoopy, I'm not sure) I will hope for the best for you.

Leslie/Pixies

[Fox]

Hee hee pixie thanks yeah my appointment's tomorrow. I'm trying really hard not to worry but this is going to be the first time I drive myself by myself that far. She's 86 miles from me according to mapquest. I was thinking it was further I think I don't remember now. But yeah I'm nervous cause it's a first.

I'll be sure to let you guys know what happens with the drawings I might make some other "self portraits" for her to keep my mind off of the driving. I've been so stressed out this week with a ton of things on my mind. I wish she had longer to spend with me each session since I feel like we're never going to talk about my past which is amazingly harder to talk about than what I go through each week. I'm not comfortable with her like that yet but I'm really trying. I have a lot of financial pressure to get as much accomplished as I can since I don't know how long I'll be having my insurance for.

[Eriksplus]

Originally Posted by Fox

Thanks guys.

Luce, great, questions that'll probably make me cry if she asks the right ones. I actually hope she does make me cry. I always feel so much better after crying but I don't cry often. Last time I cried was a couple weeks ago and it was because a dear friend watched a movie with me then after asked me what was troubling me because for the past few months I've been very withdrawn. I told her "I don't know" and she insisted that I did then began asking questions that made me think about all the things I've been trying to hide from in life. She's a great friend. When I was done crying because of all the guilt and the burdens I put on myself I started crying because I found a true friend and am now scared since she will die before me since she's my parents' age.

I don't know my soul to paint it though Kris. I'm a mystery to myself. Everyone else acts like they know me. But "me" is I don't know. Everything is just body parts, I think that my brain is me but brains are just meat that rots. So I dunno how to show myself on paper. If she were to tell me paint your soul I'd give her a blank paper. Which I also plan on giving her with the letterings "Self Portrait".

Okay sister I'll see if I can't use my webcam for the others too but they're kinda small but we'll try ^__^

Okay it seemed to work though kinda pixel-ie

http://i577.photobucket.com/albums/s.../IMG000023.jpg - inner child hiding
http://i577.photobucket.com/albums/s.../IMG000024.jpg - the sketch of the painting
http://i577.photobucket.com/albums/s.../IMG000025.jpg - how I see myself especially in my dreams.
http://i577.photobucket.com/albums/s.../IMG000026.jpg - this one I really don't know lolz. My oldest biological brother says it looks like a rabbit but the "ear" was supposed to be the top of his head opened up xD not a self portrait well in a way kinda I dunno.
http://i577.photobucket.com/albums/s.../IMG000027.jpg - Max's fursona. A Squirrel Husky Tiger. (A fursona's basically an animal form of yourself, you know like persona but fur instead of per. Online people usually rp as their fursonas)

These are rather good!
E.M.

[Fox]

{blushes at the compliments} I'm thinking you guys are just easiily impressed. I'm no artist. I just doodle and what not. I'm working on one more with a face but it's coming out baaaaaad. I'll show you guys when I'm done. I'm just doing it cause mom doesn't like that the details of the face on the one I painted aren't exactly there. Moms lol. She told me to paint how I see myself and I paint me without a face or at least an obscured one that you can hardly see and she gets upset. But that's how I see me I have no identity. I just am what I need to be to live.

[LivingMiracle]

~hugs fox~
You are an amazing artist! You know that some where deep down but you just don't relize it yet, or maybe your to modest
Here for ya always! <3
Sis