so they believe in DID, but... (trigger)

trigger warning for invalidation... again.

... they just don't think i have it. (my diagnosis is dissociative disorder though)

i'm in intensive outpatient, and switched today apparently - went out (for 3 hours) and "woke up" (as we say) in the middle of somewhere that was familiar to me. went back, told a nurse that asked what happened ("i don't really remember what happened") and we talked for a bit - i figured i could be more elaborate and test the waters, since i had come there to get help, to find out what i can do about it. for therapy. i said i was afraid of leading a double life.

and she said that was definitely not the cause because i had quite quickly "come to my senses".

3 hours?

i think i'm going back to saying nothing ever again.

((((((((((((( iamtwilight ))))))))))))))

(((fuzzybear)))

thank you very much *bows*

twilight

I'm sorry your having a rough time Twilight
Sometimes people just don't understand

Living

living - yeah. grrr like saying that i'm not an under cover agent doesn't change the fact that there are others living inside. oh well. it was better to find out now than later, when it would've been way too difficult to hide it. now hiding is still possible and to say that oh i'm just psychotic.

i think i'm just gonna tell all the mood stuff, that should open the door to therapy... (i'm doing this whole outpatient thing to "stabilize" for therapy)

thank you for your kind words, living.

twilight

Twilight-
No one even thinks we have a personality dissorder, so we can feel your pain!
We definetly understand you!
(Kay)Erik

is there anyone that specializes in DID that can help you and understand? That must be so frustrating and hurtful! Forgive me, I'm not extremely familiar with the disorder, but I can understand how angry you must get when no one seems to listen or understand

*agrees with podbady* it might take finding a specialist somehow...

it's good that you got to talk with the nurse though. We can't control how others react to what we say or do. Right now, maybe thinking of this outpatient thing as a "safe place to test the waters" (other than thoughts that would indicate any kind of self harm or harm to others... you know those can be misunderstood...)

How long has it taken you to understand what's happening to you? Maybe it'll take a bit of a while for someone ELSE to understand you too Not saying the nurse is the right one to do it, but keep in mind that even a relatively long talk may not have been long enough to get a really solid picture of what's going on.

sending hugs

kay erik - thank you for your post. i'm sorry you have to deal with this too. it makes my blood boil sometimes.. i wish it was easier to understand it, there is so much knowledge of it out there but still... so much remains unbelieved.

podbaby - many thanks to you too. unfortunately, i have no knowledge of DID specialists here where i live (in finland) and even trauma therapy is a very new thing around here. i know a lot of people from finland who think they have DID, though. oh well, guess i just have to wait lol.

turquoisesea - you're so right, it took me what, 19 years until i got names from others inside. i hope it won't take that long to find a specialist though. and yes, there was a mix of alters (and myself on the background because i remember this part) talking to the nurse, who do not really want anyone to know. they are protecting the perpetrators, i guess. but thanks for your response, and hugs are more than welcome!

thank you all. *bows*

twilight

Both of my T's say that being inpatient and even in outpatient intensive hospitalization isn't good for people with DID because the staff that work in these types of programs or on inpatient units are not well educated with Dissociative Disorders.

After being inpt myself...and being a Nurse with Psych experience, I know that she is right!! The Psych Nursing staff really don't get it!! And....they don't know how to deal with it either.

I agree with others...find a specialist and let them work with you. They can give you some diagnostic testing and do some interviews with you and make an actual diagnosis instead of a cracker jack stab in the dark that these other people are making.

I wish you the best!!

thanks elysium for the validation, i was so afraid everyone would say "yeah they're right, now get the heck out of here" - though i knew instinctively that this is where people support each other, and don't judge and make rash decisions based on something that was said in a rather delirious like state (which i was in after the switch - and mixed in with many others who are unknown to me - it was crowded lol).

i believe therapists (real, REAL psychotherapists) would know more, others with PTSD/other survivors of trauma have reported that their therapist suspects DID. psychologists have a lot more knowledge of this and it has always been a psychologist who has diagnosed me. one even totally _knew_ about other parts - and i thought i had hidden it well.

meh. yeah, these people just don't get it!

thank you all for your support, it's always good to see it and see that people care. and i did some introspection here that proved that i will not let them define who i am anymore. i know what's going on and them telling otherwise isn't going to change that (though i hoped so a bit at first.. *hides head in shame*)

hugs to all of you

twilight

It makes our blood boil, too! Belive you me!
(Webber)Erik

I've been married 29 years and dx with DID for about 15 years. My spouse says DID doesn't even exist - and yet one time he said, "I never knew what you would be like when I got home..." Well, duh, sounds like DID to me!!!

I learned eventually that I can't let his opinions dictate my life. I know that my others inside are a huge part of my life and they saved me when I was small. So, now I don't give a damn what he thinks about me or my dx. I care what I think and I think I deserve to be helped to heal from my rotten, abusive childhood. I AM NOT THE BAD GUY - THEY WERE!!!!

Sorry the nurse was so clueless. All that training and yet she can't grasp what DID is and that people do have it. That bites!!!

Leslie/Pixies

webber erik - let's keep fighting anyway. we know better right?

leslie et al - that's right, it doesn't change the fact that the DID is there, that the memories are there, that the wounds are there, no matter how much you try to prove that DID is not real. i'm glad you don't care about what your spouse thinks anymore, and he sure has the evidence!



twilight

oh man. they _don't_ really believe in DID, as i thought. the psychiatrist said that my suspicion of DID is an unrealistic fear (psychotic) and more real in movies rather than in real life.

this is an insult to a BIG group of people. eh. :P

like i said to webber erik - we know better.

we've just got to remain strong, even though it's a tough job.



twilight

How terrible!
Well, the good news for us is we found a T we like who's specitalty is DID...we just have to get diagnosied...this should be "fun".
(Webber)Erik

yay! very good! have fun - and hope it won't end up like the other one

keeping my fingers crossed.

try your best,
twilight

(((((twilight)))))

Just because it's rare doesn't mean it doesn't happen >.> *pouts*

Well put!
(Dance)Erik

That is the part where you pull out the DSM-IV off the shelf and go to the D section and point out DID to them.