Not sure what this will end up being about

We have a lot of trouble with being "engaged" with people. T's word. He says that other parts have been engaged with him, but not this part. The part that has been around for ages now is symbolised by a dragon we made. It is vicious, fire breathing, covered in really hard armour scales and has nasty spikes all the way up it. This part hates people and wants nothing to do with them. Does everything possible to stay right away from them, both physically and also inside self (like emotionally? not sure of the right words).

A while back we had big arguments with T about not getting any better and he basically decided that to get better we need to be learn how to engage and connect to people and other stuff I can't remember. But the first step in all this is to look at him. Been seeing T for over 5 years and never looked in his face. Seen his shoes. Sneak a peak at him occasionally when we are certain he can't see us. But never looked when he is there talking to us. Looking at us.

So we've been having these sessions where he is pushing us to look and some of us know we have to be doing this. But the angry hostile distanced part is the one usually there with him. If it's just that one there, then we get nowhere and T gets to hear a lot of swear words. But there is a part that helps. It is the one that learnt to soothe the young part. And it can help this hostile one to just focus on the actual looking at him (rather than on all the angry hateful things and the things that can go wrong and the bad feelings and stuff).

But this helping part is only there sometimes. If we could work out what helps it be there, then it would be good. We have tried having it write notes we can read just before going in to see T (in case those helping thoughts help it to be around more). But that often doesn't work. We know that if we do uni work in the waiting room, then it definately won't be around in T, so we have stopped doing that. We've tried to think of what feelings are around when it comes, but we aren't doing too well with identifying and being connected to feelings lately.

I guess I'm wondering if anyone else knows of any ways to help the helping parts be present, or what can make them present or away. Sorry, I think I'm starting to not make much sense anymore.

Dinosaurs...

I'm not really sure what to suggest about getting your helping part there more often, but I do think that it is very good that you at least have an understanding of where you are at and where you would like to be. I think this is kind of the first step of figuring out how to get your helper there more often.

It's been my experience that, sometimes knowing what doesn't work can be just as helpful as knowing what does.

Keep us posted on how things are going if you want and if I think of anything more I will drop you another line.

Take care!!

dinosaurs,

Good to see you posting.

Identifying what can trigger a certain alter to pop out when they do is tough. It takes a lot of paying attention to details and sifting through old, dusty puzzle pieces. Investigative work for sure.

Maybe you need to ask your angry part why they are the one always out in T? What is it that makes them come out for T? Are they protecting all the rest by pushing T away?

Maybe if the angry one can say what needs to be said, it will free up some time for your helper.

dinosaurs

thank you for your replies. sorry i don't have more words. things are just hard.

{hugs dino if hugs are okay} Perhaps you can ask the helper to write something that usually helps calm the dragon. Then while you're in with the T the dragon can read it over and over again until he's calm and understands that the T is only there to help. I'm sorry if this isn't helpful, just an idea that sounded good in my head. I hope that you make progress and the dragon will let everyone heal. It sounds like he may be trying to protect. That was his job for a long time. <3