Anyways, this has been bugging me for quite awhile...how much are you supposed to remember? I mean, I remember a lot of little things really, but those little things rarely have any context too them, they are just...there so it get's really confusing when I stop and think about it because even though I probably remember a lot many times I can't really place them anywhere. Then again it's supposed to be impossible to remember before you were 3 years old but I do.

[kris9999]

(((((((Kaika)))))) memory is such a funny thing. A lot of people can't remember things, mostly unimportant things. I'm fairly good at being able to place pictures with time frames only because of the different houses we lived in, as far as the pictures go though... I don't remember 1/2 of them being taken. My husband can remember the first thing he wore to school on his first day of kindergarden.

I think it's much more frustrating for people with DDs. You never know if it's your bad memory or if it's the DD why you can't remember. If you keep looking into certain things that you can't remember, some pieces of your life might come together but you might not like what you find.

I'm learning now, I don't really care if I know anything about my childhood. I don't want to dig deeper to try and remember things because the things that are gone, are gone for a reason.

I hope all of this confusion starts making sense soon. I'm sorry you're so confused and worried right now... I don't even know if my post is making sense or relates to your thread since I just woke up but I'm here if you need anything. Don't try to force the memories back either. This can cause a lot of pain, if it was important, you will remember one day!

(((((((((((((( Kaika )))))))))))))))) Take care of yourself

[reg12]

I find people with DD may remember things from very early ages and then there are the gaps. Other memories will float in and out, but because of the gaps they do not connect to anything, so they will seem to have no context. Generally mostly everything that you see is in memory for a reason.

Originally Posted by Kaika

Anyways, this has been bugging me for quite awhile...how much are you supposed to remember? I mean, I remember a lot of little things really, but those little things rarely have any context too them, they are just...there so it get's really confusing when I stop and think about it because even though I probably remember a lot many times I can't really place them anywhere. Then again it's supposed to be impossible to remember before you were 3 years old but I do.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Kaika

Anyways, this has been bugging me for quite awhile...how much are you supposed to remember? I mean, I remember a lot of little things really, but those little things rarely have any context too them, they are just...there so it get's really confusing when I stop and think about it because even though I probably remember a lot many times I can't really place them anywhere. Then again it's supposed to be impossible to remember before you were 3 years old but I do.

everyone remembers parts of their life differently than other people. I can remember being with a friend at a fair and remember we went on the farris wheel but she doesnt remember the farris wheel she remembers the rollercoaster. what made an impression on me didnt make an impression on her. the same with you. you are not going to remember the same exact things I do or anyone else here does. You are going to remember things from what made an impression upon you, good bad or whatever.

there is specifc things that people with DID dont remember about their lives but even those things are within context of what went on in your own life. your therapist can tell you where you fit in with that diagnosis memory loss symptoms and why those things you dont remember fit into being beyond the normal realm of forgetfulness and what is normal forgetfulness for you.

I was writing about this is my journal to my T (basically saying the same things, probably in different words though) and it started causing me physical pain (not/instead of emotional pain) is that normal or something unrelated that I'm looking too much into?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Kaika

I was writing about this is my journal to my T (basically saying the same things, probably in different words though) and it started causing me physical pain (not/instead of emotional pain) is that normal or something unrelated that I'm looking too much into?

thats normal this happens to people without problems. I was in class the other day and we had to write a paragraph about a memory of any kind. most picked going to lunch memories cause it was almost lunch time. then we had to answer some questions on a paper the professor handed out after we all got done writing. one fo the questions was- "while you were writing did you notice any sensory reactions?" There were answers like yea I could just smell that stew I was writing about, I could feel that burn I got when I spilled a pan of hot water on my leg, my stomach growled, my neck started aching from looking up when I was looking down at my paper but in what I wrote about I had been looking up watching airplanes flying in formation. Then the professor told us all that this is called body memories, and that every day of our life our brains have been doing just this storing memories and throwing them back in our faces when we think about something. Then he told us to go throw something in our faces its lunch time we would continue the topic next week.

[reg12]

Physical pain is most common. Headaches, back and joint pain or stomach pains. It is possible that they are related.

Originally Posted by Kaika

I was writing about this is my journal to my T (basically saying the same things, probably in different words though) and it started causing me physical pain (not/instead of emotional pain) is that normal or something unrelated that I'm looking too much into?

[possum220]

Also including any other pain that your body remembers at the time of the trauma. I personally experience pain and sensations not listed. It all depends on how your body chooses to remember or not remember the trauma(s).

[DLHsSystm]

For me often before I have a clue whats coming up for my alters I will experience physical symptoms. Sometimes pain other times things like weird rashes, often headaches and nausea also parts of my body will become numb...I have even had bathroom accidents during the night or if I switch in public a frantic need to go. Kind of sucks but now that I know there is almost always a reason it is happening it is not nearly so scary or upsetting.

my situation is confusing. I remember so much but it doesn't add up to diddly squat if they aren't real memories, or are just in general vague as to when they actually happened. I'm beginning to think maybe my brain is just incompetent

[DLHsSystm]

I'm sure your brain is top notch Kaika! I too really struggle if my memories are real.
Back and forth, back and forth.
true not true, true not true
sometimes I feel like my head will explode from not knowing what is really true but we can't go back and find out. I don't think I would want to anyway. On my "good days" I can realize there is a reason I remember what I do and accept that to someone in my system they are absolutely true and very important. For me this brings some peace.

I wanted to validate your feelings.

[billieJ]

I think your brain and body are just growing into the memories and that you should discuss it with your T, write about it, if you want, but don't force it or worry about it. It will connect up when it connects up, i.e. when you are ready. Just a though from an ignorant soul, but one that cares! billieP

[Fox]

Everyone's memory is different. But generally people tend to not remember most of their life before the age of 6, then ages 6-10 a lot of people only remember big things. So yeah it's hard to say what's "normal" when it comes to memory.

For me, I remember a lot of events before school age. I remember some things in school but not as much as before school age. It's kinda all spaced out. Mom says I have an excellent memory, but she doesn't even remember one of my brothers being a kid. Funny thing is I don't remember him being there except for in two homes. So maybe he wasn't there? I dunno. But it's sad when your own mother doesn't remember things about you that you do. I always attributed my memory problem to genetics.

[anderson]

Originally Posted by Kaika

Anyways, this has been bugging me for quite awhile...how much are you supposed to remember? I mean, I remember a lot of little things really, but those little things rarely have any context too them, they are just...there so it get's really confusing when I stop and think about it because even though I probably remember a lot many times I can't really place them anywhere. Then again it's supposed to be impossible to remember before you were 3 years old but I do.

we remember lots of things, but the first thing we had to learn is that we remember not in physcal time line but as each part remembers the things and time that they exsperenced both the good and the bad.this is how it was expland to us. say you have an apple on the table it is not until you pick it up that you can truly look at it. until then you can say you know the side of the apple you can see but you will not know the rest of it until you pick it up. our memiors are not stored like monos even soft memiors are stored out of order. this was how we survived the bad things. so in truth its frusterating but it is the gift that saved our lives.

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by Kaika

... it's supposed to be impossible to remember before you were 3 years old but I do.

So do I. Who says it's supposed to be impossible, anyway? I remember at least half a dozen incidents that must have happened when I was two; by the time I turned three, we were living in an entirely different area:

-- My mother was explaining to me how birthdays worked. I must've been two (i.e., I was old enough to talk but we hadn't moved yet) and it's possible but not certain that it actually was my second birthday. I asked her if on the day a kid was born they did the cake thing too. She explained to me why not but I had some difficulty following her explanation.

-- The summer when I was two, we visited a community garden and someone presented me with an onion. I took it home, started taking it apart (naturally!), and quickly learned a lot about onions.

-- Around that same time, we went to visit my great grandmother. She had some very interesting-looking plants on her porch. I knew what you were supposed to do with flowers: you smelled them. I stuck my nose in one of her plants and pulled it out full of spines. I learned that plants like those were called "cactuses" but couldn't understand why anyone would want to keep them around.

-- We were visiting my extended family. My uncle was talking to somebody on the telephone. I knew just what to push to hang up a phone, and demonstrated. My uncle got mad.

-- During the same visit, I was running barefoot across the grass and stepped on a bee.

-- During that visit or one like it, someone showed me a cupboard full of honey they'd put up in wine bottles. We were going to have some ordinary yellow honey from a clear bottle but I wanted the kind from the green bottle because it looked so much more interesting.

Scientists say that it is biologically impossible to remember before the age of 3 because the brain of a baby and toddler is still developing and hasn't quite developed the ability to store long term memories. (Of course we prove them wrong...)

I mostly remembered playing with my toys (I thought that barbie walking horse was the best toy ever...it moved by itself! and I know that's when I was 2 because it came out in 1993) and watching cartoon movies about animals and lots of other things like that but the details aren't too important to post even if I remember them... but you see? No big events, just little things like turning on the switch and watching the horse walk across the kitchen floor

And I did prick my finger on a cactus, and I did get stung by a bee (but this time I thought it was a fly and crushed it in my hands which by the way is a HORRIBLE idea) but I was 6 those times :P

[multipixie9]

I used to push and push to validate the snapshot memories of bad things I experienced. I hurt myself a lot doing it and began to quit and finally I realized that part of the "programming" was to set me up in mental things that bug me and I can't ever resolve the "mental itch".

I always had a few bad memories that I called "red flag" memories and they never changed. Many times I've had thoughts that I wasn't sure if it was real or suggested bad memory. It helped when my T got me to understand that it doesn't "matter" if it is absolutely 'real' or if it is part real and part a dream or some other source for the info. Whether or not it is a LITERAL memory the solutions for me are the same. I need relief and healing in my mind/heart and I do have more than enough clear memories AND living problems/pains/mental anguish to verify that I was treated badly as a powerless infant onward.

There is no #1 absolute amount of memory that shows how hurt a person is. There are many ways that a person knows "something is wrong". For me it was a really big deal to "trust" myself that all these problems, feelings and the mental pain are as real as they need to be for me to deserve help and healing.

Sorry if I got repetitive. I spent literal years agonizing over these issues and finally realizing I do NOT need to "justify" my life or my needs or my reality TO ANYONE ANYMORE. (can you sense my intensity ?)

I know what you are saying, the thing that set off my something is not right button was that there are several memories that I have pretty much gone through my entire life thinking where real but actually they either weren't or were pretty different interpretations.

It's really more of a personal thing for me rather then for other people. In my head it's like if it's not a fact then it isn't worth anybody's time, I'd rather have my T try and help someone who actually needs help and isn't just faking it for attention.