[misty]

my brother is in prison for exactly the crime committed aginst me from the age of two. I know statistics say it prbly happend to him, I know he was doped up at the time I know I know I know.
I know he says that he wants to do better, I know he is getting schooling and passing with straight A's that he never dreamed he could I am proud yet I am hurt too.
Am I just selfish? I struggel day to day getting by trying to forget and yet he calls and says hay I'm on the deans list when I can't even hold down a job and it is a chore to just walk out my door and be social. My mother can do nothing but say how proud she is of him. I know she has alzhimers I know her mind is failing her and that hurts too. @#@#@%# !!!!!!!! She could never say she was proud of me and when I tried to tell her things that happend she could not believe it. Some times I'd rather be where my brother is she supports him. Yet I hurt in my heart because I saw how he was treated too growing up and I could do nothing but watch. I love him, I hate him I want to support him I don't want to support him . Oh God help!!!!!!! It is so confusing! I want to be there for him but some times it is so hard. I have needed to get this out.

[misty]

skrew this!!!!! Stupid to cry over such crap!!! srry

[SweetCrusader]

sweetheart, that is a LOT to cry over! that's a LOT to deal with. your feelings are so mixed up because that's what happens when we're abused by someone who is supposed to love us, not hurt us. it's hard to come to terms with seeing the person who has hurt you, in another light- such as seeing them as the victim of their own traumas. but please remember that MOST people who are abused do NOT go on to abuse others. and just because he was hurt does NOT give hima right or "reason" to hurt you.

i am very sorry for your pain and confusion...


Angela

[RhysMadison]

It is not stupid. Feelings are never stupid. If you want to be there for him, I think the best thing to do is take care of yourself first. You deserve it. Know that forgiveness is easier than forgetting. Don't push yourself tho. Some people do change their present, but they can't erase the scars they inflicted on another.
Yeah, stats say most mol. were mol. That's not an excuse to go do it. & since he's done it again, that's telling you he cannot be trusted, Still. So no matter how much you love your brother, if you are back & forth w/ this, maybe cut correspondence w/ any of them for awhile. Get you back to you first.
People do change but it doesn't seem like HE wants to. My T always told me I should be w/ people who helped pick me up, not bring me down.
I hope this helps some. I understand tho. My bro hurt me as well. He died in '85 drinking/ driving. He was hurt himself... Still. You know what my dad said, If he wouldn't have died, he would've went on to mol. his own 2 kids. He mol. his sisters, wouldn't have stopped him.
This is tough. I so feel for you. PM if need to.
Love,
RM

[fgh]

Hello. Does your brother know how much he hurt you and how much it still makes you sad? One of us told our brother that and he said he had no idea that was a problem for her and he said he was sorry. He is ok it was just teen hormones or some ting like that. jj

[fairygirl]

you posted good I think
sometimes I feel similar about people out in the world
feelings aren't good or bad they just are and you are entitled to feel anything you feel

sorry life is so hard for you right now

Fi

[Jinsi]

definately not selfish for having so many feelings! I can empathize with having the conflicting emotions and just wanted to let you know I hear you.... good for you for letting it out. Please remember to take care of yourself.
Jinsi

[misty]

Thank you all for your support. Need to clear something up. My brother who is in prison is not one who abused me. The one who abused me should be in prison too but he's who knows where. That is a whole other mess of emotions.
Thank you agin!
Was kinda scared to come back after posting was afraid I'd be ignored or told to be over it all ready, and all sorts of other fears. Thank you for not doing any of that!
lrks

[RhysMadison]

Thanks for clearing that up 'bout the brothers.
I too was told to "get over it" as I was growing up. That hurt. I never knew what it was I was supposed to get over! So I would never say that to another. It's just not that easy. I hope you continue to post here & tell us more of what's going on.
Love,
RM

[cat_eye]

I'm sorry you're going through this icky stuff! Alzheimer's a scaaarrryyy thing, too - I work at a retirement home, and it's really hard to watch.

((((((((((((sky)))))))))))) <--if ok

lrks,

nobody here is going to tell you to get over your fears! We all have some super scary fears of our own so we understand being scared.

I am sorry you have so many confusing emotions going on right now. I wish things were more clear and that you all felt calmer.

What you describe with your family would drive almost anyone crazy trying to figure out how to handle them. You are kind to recognize your brother's accomplishments and his changes. You also are wise to acknowledge your own pain and confusion about this.

It is a doozy of an emotional rollercoaster with all you have mentioned.

Please try to stay as safe as you can as you go about this and do good things for yourselves this week .

take care lrks