[Piper16]

So I have been having bad dreams about some abuse I never talked about. I mentioned the bad dreams to my T who said that along with my wanting to cut again, means pain, probably around past abuse, and asked if I am going to let it control me or if I can just let it go. In the meantime I am switching like crazy due to the stress of even bringing it up and she is acting like I can just let it go and move on. Am I the one who is hanging on to this stuff or is she being clueless? I honestly don't know how to just let it go, I can't control the dreams or the memories. I seem to need to switch which she is totally unaware of and some of us find it humorous which also helps us cope and not react while in T. But is it possible to just choose not to let this stuff bother us? I have come a long way but have still talked little of the abuse and do better writing it down so I won't react emotionally. But can't seem to let it go, I can put it out of consciousness for a time but eventually it creeps back in. What can I do to let this go?

[Hunny]

Piper,

Our abuse we never talked about came out in dreams first as a young child, then acting out as an older child and young adult, then as rebellion as a teen and as depression and anxiety and trauma as an adult and finally recognized a pattern or dissociatin as an older adult.

For you, it need to com out and likely, for you, in a few more creative therapeutic ways, since the way she/he has been working with you, just using power of positive thinking/changin you mind, is not working...you are even dissociating more, an insider laughing etc! Can she use a few more creative ways to help? Or, maybe a therapist who knows about DD. We feel concern for you. Therapy takes long for this so be gentle with self.

Originally Posted by Piper16

So I have been having bad dreams about some abuse I never talked about. I mentioned the bad dreams to my T who said that along with my wanting to cut again, means pain, probably around past abuse, and asked if I am going to let it control me or if I can just let it go. In the meantime I am switching like crazy due to the stress of even bringing it up and she is acting like I can just let it go and move on. Am I the one who is hanging on to this stuff or is she being clueless? I honestly don't know how to just let it go, I can't control the dreams or the memories. I seem to need to switch which she is totally unaware of and some of us find it humorous which also helps us cope and not react while in T. But is it possible to just choose not to let this stuff bother us? I have come a long way but have still talked little of the abuse and do better writing it down so I won't react emotionally. But can't seem to let it go, I can put it out of consciousness for a time but eventually it creeps back in. What can I do to let this go?

[possum220]

Dear Piper

Have you shown what you have written down to your T?

Maybe talking about things with your T will help you to release some of the pain. Sometimes it can take a while to let things go. It just doesn't happen over night.

I do wish you well on your journey.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Piper16

So I have been having bad dreams about some abuse I never talked about. I mentioned the bad dreams to my T who said that along with my wanting to cut again, means pain, probably around past abuse, and asked if I am going to let it control me or if I can just let it go. In the meantime I am switching like crazy due to the stress of even bringing it up and she is acting like I can just let it go and move on. Am I the one who is hanging on to this stuff or is she being clueless? I honestly don't know how to just let it go, I can't control the dreams or the memories. I seem to need to switch which she is totally unaware of and some of us find it humorous which also helps us cope and not react while in T. But is it possible to just choose not to let this stuff bother us? I have come a long way but have still talked little of the abuse and do better writing it down so I won't react emotionally. But can't seem to let it go, I can put it out of consciousness for a time but eventually it creeps back in. What can I do to let this go?

is it possible for you to ask your therapist what she meant by that question. I have found that each therapist that I have seen meant the question in a different way. I took the risk of telling my therapist I didn't think she was being fair expecting me to just get over it. and risked asking her what she meant. I was surprised to find out that she didn't mean that I should just get over it by letting it go. I found out that question meant something very positive to her.

she said that we all have our chosen coping mechanisms smoking, drinking, cutting, spacing off, being promiscuous. when something bad happens the first reaction is go for that coping mechanism. its not something we never had any control over. its something we taught ourselves to do instead of meeting the challenges we are up against. Then she said I could continue giving this nightmare a reaction by reaching for that negative coping mechanism of cutting that I taught myself to do at a very young age, or I could tell my nightmares, the stress in my life, that argument with someone "sorry but you are not going to make me go running for that knife. You are just a dream about memories and I'm going to sit here and let myself feel sad, feel angry feel whatever that nightmare is making me feel and when I cant stand it anymore Im not going to pick up a knife Im going to pick up the phone and call my therapist." took alot of practice but I was able to change my negative reaction to my nightmares of cutting to the positive of turning on the lamp sitting for a minute then calling my therapist. as time went on that minute turned into two, 5, 10.its still a challenge to sit with my feelings but now my nightmares don't control me by my reacting with a knife after a nightmare. I now control myself by not reaching for that knife and reaching for the phone instead.

maybe your therapist meant the question to be positive and in this way instead of expecting you to just let go as if she thought you could just get over it.

[anderson]

Thank you amandalouise we learned from you today thank you.

Originally Posted by amandalouise

is it possible for you to ask your therapist what she meant by that question. I have found that each therapist that I have seen meant the question in a different way. I took the risk of telling my therapist I didn't think she was being fair expecting me to just get over it. and risked asking her what she meant. I was surprised to find out that she didn't mean that I should just get over it by letting it go. I found out that question meant something very positive to her.

she said that we all have our chosen coping mechanisms smoking, drinking, cutting, spacing off, being promiscuous. when something bad happens the first reaction is go for that coping mechanism. its not something we never had any control over. its something we taught ourselves to do instead of meeting the challenges we are up against. Then she said I could continue giving this nightmare a reaction by reaching for that negative coping mechanism of cutting that I taught myself to do at a very young age, or I could tell my nightmares, the stress in my life, that argument with someone "sorry but you are not going to make me go running for that knife. You are just a dream about memories and I'm going to sit here and let myself feel sad, feel angry feel whatever that nightmare is making me feel and when I cant stand it anymore Im not going to pick up a knife Im going to pick up the phone and call my therapist." took alot of practice but I was able to change my negative reaction to my nightmares of cutting to the positive of turning on the lamp sitting for a minute then calling my therapist. as time went on that minute turned into two, 5, 10.its still a challenge to sit with my feelings but now my nightmares don't control me by my reacting with a knife after a nightmare. I now control myself by not reaching for that knife and reaching for the phone instead.

maybe your therapist meant the question to be positive and in this way instead of expecting you to just let go as if she thought you could just get over it.

[Piper16]

Thanks everyone, even if I don't bring it up again with my t I now have different ways of looking at this. Thank you so very much!!!