how do you be nice?

i want to be nice to this lady at work and i want to quit this job. she wants me to be in place of her daughter who died 10 years ago by killing herself from depresion. im not her- and i feel bad for her- but i dont want to BECOME this daughter whose dead. if i quit she will think i dont like her.

My aunt, who is 83 and lives in Hungary, had a daughter that died about 6 years ago. She still has an eternal flame and a shrine for her daughter in her living room, and every time I see her, she cries and hugs me for hours, and calls me her new daughter. It's sad but at the same time, a little creepy. I don't mind her thinking of me as a daughter, but I can't really think of her as my mother.

I hear your dilemma but I don't have any advice. Maybe you can just send her cards in the mail occasionally after you quit?

i only been working ther about 5 months and shes only on the week ends. but its like she is imposin this other identity on me and i COULD become her ans i do at work there so she can feel better- like if i do its habit- its natural to me to just turn into who ever you think you see - when its an old lady like that. its like the ones from childhood that could do anything with me . make whatever they want out of me. At work shes not mean - its not her fault im not normal but i dont feel good to be under her wing. its making me shrink.

Maybe you could explain that your honored by the thoght but you don't want to replace the image of her daughter because that is such a special part of her life
Hope this might help
Angie

Kathyanita,

If you want to quit the job and not hurt her feelings maybe it is best if you can explain to her that it is time to movw on for you. Time for a new opportunity.

"Children" move from under the "mothers" wing every day. Good parents know this is natural and healthy.

Otherwise there may be no other way than to just move on. It may cause her pain but above all you must protect yourself while causing the least amount of harm to others.

Take care

Place that gives me an idea- i could posibly let her have the input that she will agree its for the best for me to go to something else. If she is alowed to feel she is part of a good desiscion she may be happy to see me leave rather than resenting and feeling rejected- as a good mother would be happy. I have to think this all through to approach her considerately. Thanks.

Good idea. You are welcome. Good luck in this.

Take care.

Let us know how it goes. This has to do w/ boundaries which is so difficult to master.
Love,
RM