reveal a perp...or not ***warning for sa***

warning for SA, but we don't want in SA because we know it's about Dissociation...*sigh*

well, we had a very bad dream last night...maybe nightmare.

See, we woke up, we dreamed and were being something shoved down our froat and we knew it was not okay but we still instructed to do what we told...we were little but we licked it anyway. It was too big and choked but we had sexual feelings in our lower part as an adult.

So then, still in our dream, as a more grown up person we went to the mirror in our bathroom because we thought we would see what the perpetrator looked like and we were surpirsed to see that in the mirror it was all muted grey and black.

We were furious because it was told to us that we would find out who did that to us if we looked in the mirror and that we thought we would be able to know who made us do that but then to find out it was not revealed and that we were tricked again mad us very distraught. Then when the feeling of the adult, still in the dream didn't go away we woke up and were confused.

Lately we have been waiting to see the face of the perpetrator/s but have been so afraid to look...it seems the more they hide in the folds of our mind.

No, we are not a perpetrator but sometimes in alters we have carried the likeness of the perpetrators and we know that to be true even if our own self would not harm anyone.

We also, getting ready to go back to therapy and we know that stuff will arise that is supposed to be worked on...we just feel *@^(*% that we could not see the face or at least an outline.

Our defense mechanism seem powerful!
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Hunny, I'm so sorry. drems can be so confounding, besides being so incredibly terrifying. I hope you get your answer if you really want it. I know that i would, and I'm in the same situation with knowing stuff was done but not knowing who did what or when. I got 6 older brothers, so they are the primary candidates, but which one os ones? I don't know so all i can do is run away.
So i hope you get your answer so that if you feel strong and if you want to, you can point your finger and accuse. Maybe that's not what you want, I just hope you do get to end the dream in a way that gives you some peace. if safe....

(((((Miss Hunny)))))

I'm sorry you are having these uncomfortable dreams. I am experiencing something along the lines of what you're talking about myself...and one thing I keep reminding myself is what my T tells me.

She says that everything will begin to come when our mind is ready for it to come. As our subconscious is ready, it will be revealed. It is hell, but maybe we just have to be patient. Maybe you are not quite ready to see in the mirror yet...even though you feel you want too, and even though you may have an idea who you may see. Your mind will not go any faster than you are capable of tolerating it to...and if it does, that is when you would get into worse trouble.

One moment at a time. Hang in there. Your mind and your system are protecting you from something...and for good reason. Sometimes our coping mechanisms seem like they're not helping or that they're holding us back...but trust your system and your mind to tell you when it's appropriate.

Hang in there, Hunny!!

((((( Hunny )))))) It is so hard when we go through this trauma healing stage. It is so hard for the mind and the alters to open up and tell us what we want to know. They want to protect us and fight for us. That is why they were so good for us when the stuff was going on. I am sorry others hurt you. Big safe hugs!

((((Hunny))))

We all hear you. Dreams are so real and so frightening. And so many times it feels as though we are right there again. And if only we could see, it would stop. We know what you are saying and we are so sorry this is happening for you.

We do understand. We have been having the dreams again and they are so real and so vivid. Sometimes we wonder what they want to tell us and what is it that we are suppose to do know. But then it seems they do not tell.

Am glad to hear you are starting back in therapy. Know that we do not get the memories until we are ready for them. And many times we do not feel ready for them and that could be why the mirror did not reveal who just yet. Maybe you are not suppose to know until you are not alone.

The dreams we have been having are so real that it feels as though we are out of breath when we awake. So many times we wish we would not fall asleep. But we know that when we are ready it will happen. But our thoughts are with you.

Take care of you and all within. This is so hard and the work is so hard. And it is scary. But we believe in you, and know that you will be okay. Please know that we are right here walking with you. You are not alone.

We care so much and we love you our friend. Please keep posting and reaching. Sending you many gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps

(((((HUNNY))))) We be sending you lots of safe energy so you can feel safe. We are so sorry that you have to remember these things to heal. So please know we be praying for you to. May you find some peace in the night to reast for the upcomming events my wister.