Too many conflicts at once...

I'm very overwhelmed. My situation at home is only getting worse, with my parents fighting more, my mom working more, my dad being angrier, and money even tighter. At school, I'm in 3 Advanced Placement classes, which provides a rigorous schedule and a lot of daily homework. Then there's the good ol' dissociation, which (not to be left out) has gotten worse as well. Plus now I'm mixing up words more than ever before, and it's getting so bad that I won't even realize it unless someone mentions it. This of course adds to the seemingly common belief around school that I'm really weird and somewhat not right. Psychologically, I'm a complete mess. My ADD is really bad these days, which in turn affects school work and concentration, which then affects my stress level, and so on. Every little thing just amplifies everything else. I just need to get my stress level down, because I'm so wound up I'm liable to do something stupid. I haven't relapsed or cut or anything, but I've been thinking about it way too much lately. I've even had a couple periods of suicidality; though I highly doubt (unless something REALLY REALLY triggered me) I'd actually carry it out, nevertheless the fact that the thought is present is disconcerting. I hung out with my best friend yesterday and afterwards, I just felt so...carefree. I could breathe normally, deal with stuff, and I didn't always have palpitations or the beginning of a panic attack. I don't really know that that's a "permanent" stress reliever (cause it always comes back). I need to figure out a way to destress, without screwing up everything I'm working for.

Try deep breathing, muscle relaxation, grounding skills, and maybe color a page in a colouring book, I dont think there is any "permanent" stress reliever. But a bunch of small 5-10 minute things to do like the above things can help when you dont have all the time in the world. Take a break every now and then and just breathe. Hope that this helps.

AtreyuFreak,
really like the idea of breathing and muscle relaxation. What a nice friend to distract you mind and do fun things with. Hunny is here for you AF.

It sounds like you really to need to find a few times in your day where you can disconnect from the stress. Maybe a few times a day you could find a quiet place and listen to a CD, MP3 player, or read a good book for a few minutes. Maybe journal what you are feeling or just draw some nonsensical doodles when you get a little alone time. The important thing is to find some down time, even just a couple minutes every day if you can allow yourself to shut your brain off and just be. I wish it were as easy is it is to recommend but I hope you can find a way to allow yourself to "come down". Good luck and stay safe.

((((((Atrayue)))))))) we send u a nice quite place. we hope u can find it in real world too. we be thinking about u too baby girl

AF
You'r a strong one. Send your excess energy into the ground thru the bottoms of your feet. See the energy pouring into the earth as an offering of healing to the earth - some of us have so much excess energy and the poor planet is so drained - we can give some back and rebalance ourselves in the process. You can anchor your energy like the roots of a tree into the ground to help stabilise and centre you, picture your stabilising energy 'roots' taking hold and spreading out about 3-4 feet under ground. If its not too cold where you are, try doing this outside with barefeet. Inside works too. Takes only a couple of moments of mindfulness, and the rebalancing effect diminishes the stress load and gives back some room for coping.
Good luck, love to hear how you go if you give it a try.
Blessings,
kp

((((AF))))

{sends safe hugs to sam if okay}

How are you doing AtreyuFreak?

Sorry I have been so preoccupied by those things of life.

Love
Hunny

I'm doing okay now. I've started a new semester, and my classes are all things I'm really good at, so it's forcing me to challenge myself (which I like). Plus it's easier to use homework and being busy as an excuse not to interact with the family. I'm maybe even wondering if the Lamictal I started a couple months ago (and increasing every couple weeks) is finally starting to put things on a more "even keel". I even got into college I don't know if I told anyone on here that...Stuff isn't perfect, but right now it's...bearable. So I'm just gonna enjoy being able to breathe while it lasts.

BTW: I love your story about Fireweed