House remodeling project

Well, our system now has all the walls torn down inside our house.
We have been seeing T 3x a week. This week we had a close friend who is a retired T and university professor fly into town to do a joint session with our T. It was almost 4 hours long. Our friend was able to help us break down the interal walls that Mick had. She had her own alters who had secrets. All of that happened Tue.

It is now Friday and I only have a slight sense of existing the past three days! It is a very strange feeling. We are all now in the house but the house has no walls. Everything is really sorta a mess. It makes me feel very sad in a way because I like things to be nice and organized. It makes me want to tell all the alters to just get out of the house so I can act like it is just one big room for me. That makes me realize that I feel like the DID was protection even from myself. Like I could not face who I felt I was. Deep shame issues I think.

The good thing is that we are all here and no one has lost it!
This has been more internal work than I even thought it would be.
It really has been exhausting and so hard. whine whine

I go see T again today and we have to make our action plan for what will happen next. Right now he has me just sitting in the dust of emotions. And for the first time in my life, I am feeling all the alters kinda like at one time. No one is vanishing... we do not want anyone to go away. We just all are sharing and being open with who we are on the inside.

It is cool in some ways, but it is kinda very confusing because each one is really different. So we all have to kinda work together to see what we will do.

WePow,

It sounds like lots of new, exciting changes going on for you. Our counselor has been trying to get us to take down the walls so there is less secrecy amongst us. Our host is hesitant though. Please let us know how this is all working out for you. It will be easier to do, if we know what happened when someone else did it. I am glad that you are having really good breakthroughs and I bet it helps seeing your T 3x a week. Usually we just see ours once a week. Do you find it is better to see yours more often? I know that we have been wanting to see ours more than once a week on a regular basis, but have not been able to because of lack of extra money. If it really works well for you though, we will be more inclined to push harder to find the money. It really does help to know what others are going through and I thank you for this post. Good luck with the remodeling and I hope things work out well for you.

Faith

Faith, according to that link I posted with DID information, DID therapy really does need to be more than 1x week for trauma work. I started off that way and ended up seeing T for emergancy session every single week between normal sessions. A person just needs that support when doing this deep work. I think once trauma work is done, the 1x week or even 2x month is fine. But DID is a killer to have. Litterally. They say the SU rate is very high with DID. And we all know why that is!!!! It is one of the most inventive ways a mind has to stay alive during the trauma, but the fallout is so painful when all we want to do is just live a "normal" life like everyone else.

It is not easy to take down those walls - I will tell you the truth on that.
And it is not easy to have to hear what the alters need to say in session and such.
They hid things for a reason. Things that tore us apart emotionally as children.
The agony of the trauma is still inside those alters. They are just containers we had to make to store the bomb until we were adults and could figure out what to do with the stuff those @ss wipes who abused us handed over to us. SOBs.

And this makes you very angry to know what others did to us as a child. So we have to deal with all the emotions from all the alters and try to figure out what to do with all the stuff. It sucks and stinks and is not fair period.

But the thing is that it really is going to be worth the hard work. I keep telling myself that and now I can finally feel times when all the alters are here but no one is hurting and we are just all kinda chilling out.

It is a real riot to talk with everyone in our system at once though! And the whole hair thing is just insane when you have boys who want one thing and girls who want something else. OMG!!! At least when there were walls, the hair belonged to whomever happened to be out. LOL.

But this way of life allows us the freedom to choose which alter we want to listen to and why... if that makes any sense. It is more of an adult way of being a person with DID rather than a person with DID who is trying to be an adult. So that freedom and knowing of what the alters are thinking is a frickin HUGE HUGE HUGE pay-off to all this rear-busting work. :-)

Wepow, you are truly an inspiration.

(((((((WEPOW))))) we thank you for sharing your exsperance. You give us hope and let us know that we are not the only ones going through this journry thank you

WePow, how wonderful for you!

We too have most of the walls down in the honeycomb and the words are flying back and forth amongst us all, for the most part. Also, so happy Mick and the others are freed up now too. It's good.

Yeah, we get the 'room for self' concept too, although more lately we like the input of the others. It helps us make more 'sane' decisions and choices so far, that is.

At first we did not like working together as it seemed we would need more hours in a day but now we see it takes a split second sometimes to get another's point of view. There is still more communicating to be done especially when outside stressor present but our therapist is saying stuff to us that helps there too. We almost feel that we are like her, not split anymore but with little divides that are appropriate.

The confusion is remainging about outside stuff though...so we still can't do it quite on our own yet.

Still, you have worked so hard these past weeks...thank you and thank your T's for us, okay, for taking such good care of you!

Hunny



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Thank you all and big big hugs to you !!!!
I am tyring to say I but still feel We :-) LOL.
But at least now I know that We is I and that is just fine.
Andy is not yet blended - he is our final one who is most resistant.
But he does have so much of the pain and anger. So we are all inside just trying to help him out by being there for him and letting him be heard.
He has stuff that we never would have thought could have happened.
But that is ok. It will all be fine.
And the wonderful part is feeling the awesome feeling we all have inside when we can just relax and no one is expected to be out there all alone sometimes!!!

Thank you so much for the update. I wish that all will be well for you during this time. and hope that all the coco will make tings easier to bear inside.