[Bella92]

I was with my ex for a year, he was my closest friend for well over a year before that, and we broke up 6 months ago. For the first 3 months we were still talking a lot and he wanted to be friends, but we also argued. Since after Christmas hes hardly wanted anything to do with me.

I don't really think I need to go into details about the relationship, except that we loved each other very much and I still love him. In the last few months he started getting confused with his emotions etc and what he felt, he said he didn't know if he loved me or not. He had always had anger problems but they started getting really bad. He had to self harm to let his anger out. We'd argue a lot, because I was so upset over how he now felt.

It was up and down for a while, but at the beginning of September things were good, but then we argued and he got really angry and 'snapped'. After that he said everything he felt had just changed, he hardly felt anything any more, and he couldn't be with me any more.

I was devastated, and just 3 weeks later he was seeing someone new (he didn't know her before we broke up so he didn't leave me for her). He still talked to me everyday and really wanted to be just friends. But me wanting more made us argue, until he 'snapped' again and he said this time he just felt angry with me all the time now. He didn't want to speak to me, but every few weeks hes contacted me for a little while. He says I'm the only one who understands him.

Hes been diagnosed Schizophrenic (he doesn't have delusions or hear voices, his thinking and emotions are confused), Autistic, and with Dissociation Disorder.

He says he frequently dissociates and doesn't care about anyone or feel anything for anyone or anything. He says he doesn't think he cares about me. When I talked to him he got very angry and he said he didn't even like me, and that he hates that I'm the only one who understands him...

How is his dissociation affecting him? Is there anything I can do? Did he dissociate from me or towards me, and does that mean that when he starts dealing with it some feelings will still be there?

He has a new girlfriend now, but he doesn't tell her anything thats going on with him. He says he has to 'act' all the time, with everyone, so he can act happy and interested and not just emotionless. He is always angry, and dissociates where he doesn't feel anything for anyone, including her. He says he can't talk to anyone about anything really, except for me. I'm really worried about him, I miss him so much but right now I'm willing to be there for him as just a friend.

Is there anything I can do?

thanks

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Bella92

How is his dissociation affecting him? Is there anything I can do? Did he dissociate from me or towards me, and does that mean that when he starts dealing with it some feelings will still be there?

we cant answer these questions. the answers are in him. he told you the answer to one of them he dissociates so he doesn't feel anything anything for anyone or anything. Dissociation doest work like gravitating towards or from someone. its a reaction to stress, trauma and not being able to face your problems, so you space off, numb yourself so you don't feel that stress, trauma and your problems.

there is such a thing as love at first sight, this is when you meet someone and you have an immediate lustful romantic attachment to a person. sometimes it lasts a life time other times after getting to know the love interest you find out that it wasn't what you wanted, sometimes people get hurt sometimes the break up is friendly.

Sounds like you are trying to make the break up as friendly as possible. I know your hurting right now but maybe he's the kind of person that has alot of love at first sight romances and he's trying to be honest with you about his feelings that he loved you for a while but now that romantic love in him is gone. you said he's already in another relationship and its only been a few weeks. that to me says here we go again another love at first sight situation.

try to consider yourself the lucky one. he could have been the type of jerk that keeps his mouth shut and has you and a lot of love at first sight mistresses on the side. he values you and your friendship and respects you to, to the point where he wanted to be honest with you.

What can you do now. give him the space he needs and wants and go on with your life. who knows someday when he outgrows his love at first sight flings he may look back and realize what he had with you was what he has been looking for and come back to you. if not well then it just wasn't meant to be.

when he starts dealing with his feelings will they still be there - that depends on the type of dissociation disorder he has and how deeply he burys those emotions within himself. it could be years before he allows himself to deal with his emotions and it could be that he never will because he buried them so deep. each person with a dissociation disorder deals with their emotions and problems differently so theres no way to tell you a definitive answer to this.

theres someone out there for all of us. sometimes it takes a while to find that mr.(S) right. but they are out there.

[anderson]

Safe Hugs for this situation. It is hard on the person dealing With DID/ or black out schizo. and the people in thier lives. But the main thing is to get the person to start journaling about what is going on with him. and to state your bonderies so that this person will know what you can or can not deal with.
I my self have been in the oppisite postion the people that I wanted to be safe with. Where told that parts of us was scared of them so they removed themselves from us, which in turn made us loose trust in them. But ifyou are will to talk to this person face to face and be willing to help this person to start journaling out the issues that he is dealing with then you can be of great help to him. Please allow the fact that if he has Alter that each will feel differently but as you get to know each one you will be able to tell how to adreess each one. In the sticky notes at the top of this section is a post that we put there are books for friends and family of people to help them understand that which we go through good luck.
http://www.sidran.org/store/index.cf...&category_id=1

The above link is to a place that I first started to get materials that helped us to heal.

[ruffy]

Youve already identified the answer. Be there for him and be his friend. Thats what we do for the people we love. Ive never understood how a man can go from one relationship to the next. I guess its just the way men are wired. They all do it, so try not to beat yourself up too much. Its him, not you. Woman are wired to be emotional and men are not which is why he probably gets so angry when you push him. I have bipolar disorder and what youre describing is the very reason I dont date or seek a serious relationship. Its too hard to cover up the illness, and the illness is impossible to control. Hes lucky to have found someone like you who is willing to love him unconditionally, but you will have trouble. Hugs and kisses sweetie!!

[Bella92]

thank you, both these answers really help
Its hard to continuously try to be there for him when he makes it really difficult
but I'm still going to try. I do love him unconditionally. And I think maybe he'd still love me unconditionally too if he didn't have all the disorders getting in the way.