[kasva]

has anyone ever sued or thought about suing an abuser from the past?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by kasva

has anyone ever sued or thought about suing an abuser from the past?

I didnt sue but my family and I prosecuted. it took about two years and I had to tell a rape crisis person what happened. then I had to tell the police, go to the hospital and they did all kinds of tests and collected evidence. the police went and arrested the guy. then the crime victims board paid for a lawyer for me. I had to tell the lawyer what happened. then I had to testify before the grand jury so they could decide if there was enough evidence and cause for a trial. they decided yes so them we went to court. Most of the time I couldnt be in the court room because I had to give testimony and cause I was not an adult. after I gave my testimony I was allowed in the court room if I wanted to be. I went cause I didnt want the guy to think I was still afraid of him. then the jury deliberated for a few hours and he was found guilty. he got 25 years. of that he only had to serve 8 years before parole. the first 3 times time he went before the parole board they denied his parole. he will be up for parole again soon. hoping they deny him again but if they dont my life will go on. he cant hurt me physically or emotionally any more.

[anderson]

Yes , but it very hard even if you have a good lawyer. Those that have won had physcal evedence or those that was willing to take the stand for them as witnesses of the abuse. I tried once to sue my family but because the abuse happen to me as a child and the bio family was not willing to take the stand againts him. It was pointless to try. Those that have still gone after them with out proper surpoting evedence did not come away happy. So if you do it makes sure that you have all the surport you need to have a sure win hearing. This was a bitter tast in our mouth knowing that others where willing to cover his tracks even after all he had done to them and to our children. In the end we looked bad and he had people eating out of his hands about his poor daughter and she must be on drugs. So make sure you look at all the out comes.

[kasva]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

I didnt sue but my family and I prosecuted. it took about two years and I had to tell a rape crisis person what happened. then I had to tell the police, go to the hospital and they did all kinds of tests and collected evidence. the police went and arrested the guy. then the crime victims board paid for a lawyer for me. I had to tell the lawyer what happened. then I had to testify before the grand jury so they could decide if there was enough evidence and cause for a trial. they decided yes so them we went to court. Most of the time I couldnt be in the court room because I had to give testimony and cause I was not an adult. after I gave my testimony I was allowed in the court room if I wanted to be. I went cause I didnt want the guy to think I was still afraid of him. then the jury deliberated for a few hours and he was found guilty. he got 25 years. of that he only had to serve 8 years before parole. the first 3 times time he went before the parole board they denied his parole. he will be up for parole again soon. hoping they deny him again but if they dont my life will go on. he cant hurt me physically or emotionally any more.

Bless you Amandalouise...thankyou for your reply...you were a very strong girland it sounds like a horrible experience....but you prevailed!!!!!!

[kasva]

Originally Posted by anderson

Yes , but it very hard even if you have a good lawyer. Those that have won had physcal evedence or those that was willing to take the stand for them as witnesses of the abuse. I tried once to sue my family but because the abuse happen to me as a child and the bio family was not willing to take the stand againts him. It was pointless to try. Those that have still gone after them with out proper surpoting evedence did not come away happy. So if you do it makes sure that you have all the surport you need to have a sure win hearing. This was a bitter tast in our mouth knowing that others where willing to cover his tracks even after all he had done to them and to our children. In the end we looked bad and he had people eating out of his hands about his poor daughter and she must be on drugs. So make sure you look at all the out comes.

thankyou for your reply anderson...you are probably right i dont have any real evidence or people who even admit that it happened to me and my sister...not even my sister. im just so mad he gets to die as if he were an innocent citizen...growl. if okay...kasva

[anderson]

You are not growling alone. 90% of the abuse that I am now enduring is from my unwillingness to let go. We are greatfull that he is now dead. The bit we read his abutary and it said that we had loving memiors of him. NOT! We dance a jig. and threwed one heck of a party. WE recently found out that our middle sister passed away to. To be honest we were sad for that in truth she was just as much of a victim as we were. But WE still watch and wait for the others to cross over with each one we feel more free from them. It is sad but true. The fact that my foster family gave us a chance at a some what normal life We will be always greatfull. We even understand why she choices to lay low. but the simple truth we probally would not have been able to survive the abuse of the past couple of years if she had not taught us to find value in the fact that our son may not have been able to exscape the blake gossip of what we did to keep him from our bio-family but he did not have to endure the cronic physcal abuse that he would have had he went to our bio family. We can not make our family see the truth we can only heal our selves so please remember this one fact that our Nana tought us. The best revenge is to live well and happy. And to walk in truth. People can say what every they want to about you but when you walk in truth. It helps you walk streight and tall. You will have the inner strenght of a season warrior. Just think you are Marine trained without the boot camp or senior officer shoutting down you througt. Had both like boot camp better. Stand tall Kasva Stand Tall and remember that that by choicing to heal you are stonger then they are.

[notz]

The primary abuser did so until I was 14 and I told him no or I would tell. Of course I had already "told" but wasn't believed. After all, he was my father's best friend and my sister's father in law. He wouldn't do something like that. Poppycock.

He's been dead a number of years now. He's buried in the plot next to my parents. When I go back to the hometown I usually bring a couple of quarts of my urine and pour it ever so slowly across his name on the marker. I enjoy that immensely. Would never have been able to sue or prosecute him in that town.

[anderson]

(((((NOTZ)))))))) That is so cool. I don't think that we will ever go back to that town but if we do. We plan on doing the same thing. But it does our heart good to know that it has been done some where. "BRAVO!"

Originally Posted by notz

The primary abuser did so until I was 14 and I told him no or I would tell. Of course I had already "told" but wasn't believed. After all, he was my father's best friend and my sister's father in law. He wouldn't do something like that. Poppycock.

He's been dead a number of years now. He's buried in the plot next to my parents. When I go back to the hometown I usually bring a couple of quarts of my urine and pour it ever so slowly across his name on the marker. I enjoy that immensely. Would never have been able to sue or prosecute him in that town.

[Hunny]

(((((( All )))))))

They are all dead but what really p'd me off was to have my sister bring me a photo of her and my abuser's (the one when we were children) grave and there sitting on top was a nice pretty white cross.

Can't tell you the O U T R A G E I felt. But Notz, now I have a solution and when I return there, which for sure I will, you can bet I'll be takin' a jug of it. I was waiting for just the right response. In the meantime, like Anderson, just the thought of all that pee flowing on that grave, lets some steam off. I have the same kind of disgust around those that kept silent back then and now. But, living life to the fullest on all levels is how I can best have victory against the perps. I say this with a very crusty tone, not a cutesy, ditsey innocent.

As for the abusive psychologist, he too is dead. But I have a copy of a book he wrote, also waiting for the correct demise of it and I would really like some ideas of what to do with it. All will be considered.

I admire those that have gone to court and won but I have heard of those that go to court and have not had the outcome they hoped for. In the meantime I think finding my healing, standing for justice and taking intelligent action where I can is what I can do.

To those who have carried the abuses against them alone, it is never to late to find help and healing but for the younger ones I say 'good on you' for finding your healing, early. There are people who can help and healing is available!

To: Truth & Justice
Hunny

[notz]

Addendum: If you go the urine route, be discrete. It very well may be against the law in your area. (cya statement)

[Hunny]

ah, the beauty of it
I get put in jail for peeing on his grave...
he gets nothing for abusing me as a child...
I get that justice

Notz, thank you, you bring life to the crusty me...


Hunny

[anderson]

Okay, so we go to jail at least we will be in good company with all the rich and famus. If not we can just make sure we go when there are only a few there. If not may be we can recuite a couple of good guys. That feel empathy for us to go do the job for us? or just bring some flowers to provide camoflouge for when we do the deed. LOL eather way it would be worth it.

[justdontknow]

Hunny,

What about pouring concentrated sulfuric acid on the book of that ***hole who called himself a psychologist? It is pretty satisfying to watch the acid literally burn a hole through things when we are frustrated and mad. How you would get a hold of concentrated sulfuric acid, we are not so sure? It is readily available to us at our place of employment. I am not saying that we have done that before *wink wink* but it is kind of satisfying seeing the burn marks on the edges of the hole where it ate away the material. Sorry that was kind of morbid a little, but a suggestion.

Faith

[notz]

We should make Urinizers guns! Along the lines of Supersoakers!! Let 'em rip!

Taking control away from that bastard, that's what I'm ALL about. Even thinking about desecrating his headstone works wonders. It gives me some gumption! Gives me some energized feelings that are the stuff proud people are made of.

My posture is more erect already *proud smile*!

Love to all

[kasva]

hi all
im still waiting for my scariest abuser to die. i hope that when he dies i wont be so afraid.
kasva...power to us!!

[Hunny]

Dearest ((((Kasva))))

You are doing all things you need to do and doing them well. It is enough to have gone through everything and to be sorting it out and to keeping your head above water.

Please know that when you are forging ahead the fear diminishes and the strength seems to replace it. It takes lots of time and being so kind to yourself and let safe others gird you up till you can stand.

You are such a good leader when you say "power to us". These imaginings about what we would do to our perpetrators are maybe part of the healing process. But we all deserve to be at peace internally and at peace externally and live without this constant fear. Sometimes it takes the drive to continue to seek our healing and sometimes it takes courage to withstand the day's challenges.

You are doing so well, Kasva.

Cheerio,
Hunny
.

[anderson]

((((Kasva))))
You are doing so good even by coming here. To be with those that know and understand your fear. Those of us that have done things to take back our power are getting kind of a head rush form others coming forward telling how they took back their power. Even if that person is still alive. You can even find your own ritual that will allow you to regain some inner strength. We hope that the abuse is no longer in your life.
Some of our private rituals are:
~The persons picture or representaion of the person. Placed on a dart bord. Threw darts until feeling happy.
~Writing long letters then buring them in a safe mannor.These letters contained all the pint up emotions the anger, the helplessness, Everything that the pereson made us feel but not able to tell them to their face.
~For one person we wrote a letter then barried it on their grave so that my words would always be near them.
~Some times we would get a blow up puching bag that they have for kids and knocked the air out of itsaying out loud all the things we wished we could have said to that person face.
~Regardless of what you choice to do the first step in recover is putting it into words or actions that tell your inner being we are no longer your slave, WE are no longer going to be afaid of you and your sick desires. And we will not go quitly into the night but we will stand tall and fight for who we are.
~But regardless of what you choice to do remember that you are not alone and we are proud that you are here choicing to heal from pain that most choices to run and hide from.

[kasva]

A dartboard sounds like fun...but I know I will pay and be terrified for days that he will come and kill me. Thankyou for making me laugh......maybe I will make a dartboard. Ha! to him. Kasva

[anderson]

((((Kasva))))) That is a fear that we all face from those that have hurt us in the past. To say that we no longer feel that fear would be a lie. But as each day gose by and we are able to get stronger we replace that fear with hope and courage. The trick is in beleiveing in it and keeping those that harm the body away from it good luck and we are here for you to.

Originally Posted by kasva

A dartboad sounds like fun...but I know I will pay and be terrified for days that he will come and kill me. Thankyou for making me laugh......maybe I will make a dartboard. Ha! to him. Kasva