[Monty_girl]

I went out tonight and bought make-up for the first time in almost 15 years. I have no idea if I even bought the right things. But for some reason I wanted make-up. I don't even know if I'll be able to put it on. I haven't looked in a mirror since I don't know when. For some reason I thought I could handle using the compacts mirror to put it on. Feel guilty for even spending the money on it. I spent all of $10 on 2 things and I have the money right now to buy something. But I still feel so guilty to buy myself anything. Just like I'm not worth the trouble or something. I spent an hour in wal-mart walking up and down like deer caught in headlights. I have no clue what I was even doing. But I wanted it, it made me feel kind of special.

[h0kie]

Congrats on spending money on yourself! I know how you feel though. If I spend any money on myself I immediate feel guilty.

Enjoy your make-up! Way to go!

This is great news Monty!

You did this for yourself! I know how difficult it's been for you lately...

Congrats!

Petunia

[Mahali]

Monty,

It is ok to spend some time and money on you. You deserve a bit of "feeling kind of special". There has been enough of not feeling special in your life, I would imagine.

I would have no clue what to buy. So I can understand the deer in the headlight thing.

Remember that little steps get us where we want to be. Keep taking them ok?

Take care.

place

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

This is a GOOD thing a step towards self esteem...keeping up looks is GOOD......If you have a Walgreens by you you can get a 5x magnifying mirror for like 7 dollars to help you see better when you put it on..I am HUGE make up fan...

BTW, what make up did you get ?

[Monty_girl]

TY 1day, it's really hard for me to spend any money on myself. I come from a very poor back ground and we never had extra money for anything. Even as an adult my husband and I have had our share of money problems. But now I've been working for awhile and my husband is working right now since it's summer and he's not in school. So I have the money to spend on little things. But the guilt that comes with it is sometimes hard to take.

[Monty_girl]

TY Petunia, It's been very hard on me lately. But sometimes I think the small things I can do for myself to make me feel better about myself, is well worth it. One of the biggest things I have always struggled with is feeling and believing that I was ugly. As a kid I was teased by the other kids and laughed at and told how ugly I was. It's hard getting past those negative massages that keep rolling through my head telling me I'm ugly. Buying make-up made me feel pretty.

[Monty_girl]

Place, I'm taking baby step. Ty for the encouragement. Sometimes the small step are the biggest. Make-up is overwhelming for me. Like I'm not worth the trouble. But small steps.

[Monty_girl]

Hi ButterFlies
Self esteem is something I always struggle with. Seems to be something I don't even like to talk about. It's like something that is so far out there that I just can't get. If it's make-up or even the clothes I wear it's hard to deal with. With clothes I've fallen into the "I'll just put this on" and not really care about how it looked. Just as long as it was clean I didn't care. I'm starting to get past that and look at what I'm putting on. Guess this is all small steps to self esteem.

[Monty_girl]

Forgot to tell ya what I got ButterFlies. Had a brain freeze. I got (reading off the case here ) a Fresh complexion pocket powder foundation. Thought I couldn't make to big of a mess with this. And I got some eye shadow.

[misty]

Yay!!!!!! Way to Go!!!!!! You are special and deserve it!!!!
The first time I spent money on self was one of the hardest things to do. Practice! Practice!
I learned to tell myself I deserve it. At first saying those words I literally felt sick to my stomach and like I had a rock stuck in my throat. It's a lot easier today to buy something for me. Now my debate is do I really need it because now it can be more of like a drug for me and when on a budget can be not so good. Seems I always go from one extreme to the other (rolls eyes). Oh well!
Sorry didn't mean to ramble on just happy that you took that step and wanted you to know it will get easier with practice and learning to believe you deserve it.
lrks

[(JD)]

Good for you! There is NOTHING wrong with this at all. Now to wear it! For myself, I find the more depressed I become, the more I work at getting some makeup on... to hide maybe? I'm glad you've had the "high" that comes with doing something good and okay for yourself.

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((((monty!!!!!!!!))))))))))))))))))))))

what a milestone! i've known you for almost 4 years now, and this is one of the proudest times! i know how hard that was! way to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

baby, steps sweetie, baby steps. this is progress in so my ways!

love ya,

kd

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One of the biggest things I have always struggled with is feeling and believing that I was ugly.

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Aww, Monty.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. I too, have the uglies. I barely look in the mirror most..okay.. all days.

<<<<<< But I see you looking all green and bendy over there.

You sure look beautiful to me.

Petunia

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

Too cool now you are a swan.....What color shadow? and do you have eye liner and mascara...maybe a gloss with some color...If not go to Walmart (man I would be a bad influence on you) and you can get inexpensive Rimmel make up...maybe all 3 for under 10..I know the glosses are only 1 or 2 dollars.

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Monty_girl said:
Forgot to tell ya what I got ButterFlies. Had a brain freeze. I got (reading off the case here ) a Fresh complexion pocket powder foundation. Thought I couldn't make to big of a mess with this. And I got some eye shadow.

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[Monty_girl]

Ramble, Ramble, Ramble, it's all good !!
Oh the sick feeling. I would put something in my cart then take it out. Then put it back in. See where this is going. Took a long time to talk myselves into saying that this was OK to do.
Oh and I practiced last night. i went to the Duran Duran concert and I bought myself a T-shirt and a mouse pad. When I went to the concert in march I didn't buy anything because I didn't feel like I should spend the money. I left the concert in march feeling really sad because I didn't buy a T-shirt even though I had the money then. But last night I wanted it. They have always been my favorite band and meant the world to me in my darkest times. I wanted something of their's. I walked up and laid my money down and said that one. I feel so happy to have my T-shirt and my mouse pad. Feel like a regular person.

[Monty_girl]

TY Sky
Hey I've worn it too. I'm not used to this "High" of doing something good for myself. But I really like the feeling. Think I should have it more often.

[Monty_girl]

(((((((((((((((((((((( KD )))))))))))))))))))))))))
Love Ya's, this much ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Hey Girl I'm Steppin out in style.

[Monty_girl]

Yeah Petunia, all I have to say about mirrors is ..............ekkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. People say I'm pretty now. But I still see myself as that ugly girl with the buck teeth that smelled. Low self esteem has been the norm my whole life.

But I'm cool and green. Gumby is a nickname I picked up in middle school from my sister's friend. Gumby is cool cause he gets flattened, but can bounce back up into shape just like that.

((((Gumby-Monty)))))

Gumby has a special place in my ten-year-old heart...

Sad but touching. Maybe I'll write about it!

Petunia

I hate mirrors. I HATE having my picture taken...lots of bizarre things I avoid. I also avoid the reasons behind those phobias but that's for another day...

[Monty_girl]

TY ButterFlies for saying I'm a swan. That meant a lot to me for some reason.
Eye liner, don't laugh to hard. I have a little eye liner that was a sample someone gave me years ago. I know that sounds pretty bad and I wouldn't blame ya for laughing at that. The things we never throw out. My mascara is even worse, we won't go there. Like I said been 15 years since I bought make-up. For my brothers wedding almost 2 years ago. My sister brought her make-up bag and put make-up on me. She fixed my hair as well. Yeah, I'm a newbie at this beauty thing. As a teen my sister always took care of all this for me. But then we moved away. I was on my own and lost.

My shadow is that Rimmel make-up. It's called, "A Type of Romance". Woo Hoo Kind of a purplely color with an off white with it. It's pretty. Have very blue eyes so I thought that would work well. I'm guessing my next make-up purchase needs to be the eye liner and mascara. hhmmmmmmmmmmmm I'll be in the make-up aisle at the wal-mart if anyone needs me. Just look for the deer caught in headlights. Monty

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

Way too cool Monty and I mean it on the swan

I can help you on the make up YES you need eyeliner and mascara to complete the look....The shade you picked for your eyes is prefect....PERFECT because they will look more blue...you will want to go with black mascara and a grey to black..soft eye liner....oh and in time an eye lash curler....but..hehe if youre feeling wild at the store get the one by Mabelline...I do not know that cost but its good the metal one....Also a tip when you are in a big department store always feel free to stop at the make up counters..Lancome, Clinique ,Channel also Bobbi Brown are known if asked to give out free samples and do a free make up job for you..wipe half of it off when you leave and you will like it.....I am so happy for you this is cool and so freeing for you.,.and a T shirt....I loved the song and video Hungry like the Wolf...