I'm here

you can write your anger out in poetry definitely! and that's a great way to get it out. and if you write those angry letters you can PM them to me and we will talk about how all the people you wrote them to make you angry. i won't be upset by them, promise. we'll just talk about them together to help us remember that anger is okay. how about that?

TBO
I am now thought of as the one who holds alot of creativity for the whole of us. I write alot now--well not so much as I did. w_i said if I spend less time here and more time writing...I still feel angry--sometimes REALLY MAD
I sometimes would hurt myself cause I didn't want to hurt a person. Don't do that!!! Don't hurt a person either. Just cause they did bad stuff to you or your others or your friends. I think that If I hurt them, then I am just like them. And I don't want to be like them. I don't think you do either. I still have mad inside me and I sometimes don't know what to do. I think it takes a long time to go away.
Vicki

Hello bad one. I just want to say that I had to go away yesterday.......... Audrey had somthing to do. Anyway I would like to be friends with you, because you remind me of myself. I like to hear what you say. I wont send you a cuddle if you think it will cause you problems but Im just gonna be your friend if you want that is. What a bout a little kiss then, would that be allowed for me to send to you?

Adele

OK, I will put poems.
I might send you the letters but at the moment I will do poems.
I might send you some angry words too.
Shula

Thank you Vicki

I understand what you said about feeling angry. I do too. I am angry with lots of people who did not see Little Caroline - or did not choose to see her - and who did not take any notice of how sad and scared she was. I know they should have seen.
I am angry with people who still think it is OK to hurt my friends.
I am sometimes andgry with Caroline and LIttle Caroline because they let people hurt them.
I am angry with the people who make other people sad on purpose.

But you are right, I don't want to hurt people. Or I do, sometimes, but I am not going to. B ecause, Like you say, that makes me as bad as them.

My T said I need to get my anger out. But Caroline is scared of that. She thinks if she lets me out I will really hurt p[eople and do bad things. I'm still not sure about that but I am coming out in ways that she feels OK with. Because I don't want to hurt her any more than she has been hurt already.
Yesterday we were fighting, I think. That's why everything was so hard with T and with the dr. I wanted to come out and she didn't want me to and she got very upset and scared. But the new medicine we have is helping us to talk to each other, to understand each other and I think she trusts me more now. She has said I can write but not do anything else yet. I am glad she is not shutting me up all the time now.
Shula

Hello Adele

It was OK you going away. I was surprised you wanted to talk to me so long.

I don't know about friends. I never had friends because I was never out before. But I would like to try and learn about friends. You have to promise, though, that you will tell me straight away if my anger hurts or scares you. Can you do that?
If you cant hen I think I can learn to have cuddles from you - but just little ones to start with. But I don't know if I can give them back yet. I hope that is OK. The reason I can't give them back yet is because my job is to be angry for the others.

What makes you feel angry? I already wrote about some of mine and I am going to make a list later but I wion't put it here because I think some of the littles would be scared by it.
Shula

Shula...... like your name. It sounds great. Im really pleased that you want to be friends. I know that you are angry etc, and if you cant give me cuddles thats ok. Im sending you a tiny wee cudle now ( ), I hope you are OK with that.

What makes me angry ??????

BAD LADIES AND BAD MEN !!!!!!!!!!

Hi Adele
Bad people make me angry too. What is worst is when you think you can trust them - or you think you should be able to trust them - and then they hurt you anyway. Like bad friends - that makes me mad.
Thank you for the little cuddle. That was kind and it didn't feel wrong. I'm going to send you a little one back too (Adele)

I'm glad you like my name. I like it too. It fits me and it is good to have a name.
Shula

Hey Shula, Im really pleased to have got a cuddle from you. Thankyou so very nuch. I appreciate it. You give good cuddles. Im glad you were able to accept my cuddle.

I agree shula, when people who you think are friends end up being untrustful then it hurts. It sort of makes you wonder what its all about doesnt it?

You say its goos to have a name. I agree. I remember what it was like before I got my name. It felt like i didnt matter as much or something. Did you pick your name yourself? I picked mine.

You seem a bit more settled today but its always going to be OK if you want to be angry. If thats your job then there is not much you can do about that.

My job is to shout, scream, kick and be cheeky to BAD LADIESand BAD MEN. Oh i can be rude too but thats only cos I want to be left alone and not have any trouble.

Adele (shula) X

Hi Adele
Lots to think about here.

I'm glad you liked my cuddle. I still find cuddles a bit scary. Because it is my job to be angry, I have to stand back a bit from people.

Yes, I don't know what it is about. Especially when people use parts of your friendship and turn them against you. That makes me REALLY angry. Caroline is angry with herself when a friendship stops. But I am angry with the other person most. Because I know she tried really hard.
I picked my own name. I went and found a name that means what I am. It also means that Caroline is letting me have my say. She didn't want to before and that is why she was so unhappy and upset yesterday. We were fighting. But now she is letting me have a little bit of space, in words. Only here and in her journal. but I can have my voice. That is why she has let me have a name. She knows she can't put the lid on me any more. I can't shout like you can, or kick or scream or be cheeky. But I can say what I think now.

Shula

Shula,

Can I tell you something, Im having a fight with Iris cos of what she said yesterday. But shes only a baby and I kind of dont want to be fighting with her any more. Should I go and talk to her. What if she doesnt want to talk to me now.

What do yo think?

Adele (shula)

Morning guys--just got up. Hey, I like your name Shula--lots better than TBO.
Hey Adele, don't be mad at Iris. I am learning to take care of deedee and it's lots better than fighting. What did Iris say yesterday that made you mad??
Vicki

Hi Vicki, she told everybody that it was our mother adn father who were bad to us and we were not expecting her to just go and tell everyone adn Snodders got embarrased and nearly had an accident and I got all wanting to shout because it reminb=ded me opf all the bad things and we just hadnt expected Iris to be coming right out and telling everyone before she checked with us.

Adele

Sorry--Whose everybody? People you all know or strangers or friends?? Hey, I know it's not cool to go tell without checking first. But babies don't think before they say stuff. deedee gets us into trouble sometimes. Mostly she just acts up like a kid--especially in a situation thats for grownups. Boy does w_i get embaressed. It's really hard when the littles get like that. Just talk to her nice and see if she understands that it's important to not tell stuff without checking first.
Vicki

well Adele it seems maybe Iris just slipped and told on accident because she was so glad to have a safe place finally where she could talk. I definitely think you should go talk to her (even though you didn't ask me) because fighting is never fun.

((((((((((Adele))))))))))))
(((((((((Shula))))))))))))
((((((((((Vicki))))))))))))

i am so proud of you guys! you're really learning how to handle your anger well and that's great! Vicki, you have learned a lot about handling anger and i bet you will be a great person for Shula to talk to as she learns. Shula, I really like that name and I'm glad that you have it and not "tbo." I am also glad that caroline isn't trying to stifle you...you need to be out and about to defend her. she is lucky to have you even when it makes her nervous and scared. Adele, thank you so much for sharing your experience with handling anger with Shula so that she could learn too. You all three deserve lots of cuddles but you can take them one at a time if it makes you feel better. Keep writing, it is good to see the three of you talking through your problems so well here.

*hugs to you all*

-shadow

HI SHADOW!!!!
Hey thanks for helping deedee out last night!
Vicki

shaddow,

i gopt a big lump in my throat reading what you wrote.

Adele

Hello W I , Everybody is everybody who would be reading stuff here. Thats all. I know Iris is a baby and maybe she just didnt think. I wish I hadnt argued with her. She probably not want to talk to me much just now anyway. Im very sorry baby iris.

Adele

no problem at all Vicki, i'm always happy to help. I hope she is feeling better today. ((((((((Deedee)))))))))) i hope big deedee is feeling better too and i hope you and w_i got some rest. (((((((((hugs to all))))))))

we're friends adele, remember? ((((((((adele)))))))) and adele? Iris wants to talk to you very much. she misses you. so maybe you should go give her cuddles and see what happens.

-shadow

Hi Adele

I'm sorry I wan't here when you wrote. But I'm really glad it seems to be all sorted out now. I know I didin't like it when Caroline was upset with me yesterday and I don't think she did either. Go talk to Iris if you haven't already. Us others need to stick together even if it is hard.
Shula.

Maybe baby Iris not want to talk to me? I would quite like to talk to her again but she probably not want to talk to me just now.

Adele ( )

i bet she would like to. give it a try and see.

(((adele)))

I think she does. In fact, I know she does. She's just scared, like you are.
Little Caroline

Hello LC, I sorted it out with Iris. Cuddles, Kisses and te\ars all over the place because we dont normally fight with each other. We normally give each other lots of love. We all got to be careful talking to all these people as we dont know enough of what goes on to just say what we think. My mummy told us all to be careful here, to keep our eyes abnd ears open and be careful that no one trying to be bad to us. So we were all going to be careful and Iris just made a mistake and told everyone sumthing about us all. But Iris back with all the girls now and we all together with Audrey, Allison, Snodders and Iris.

Adele

Thanks Vicki

Shula