[Monty_girl]

I've been gone for a few days at Cedar Point and got back last night. I'll be here the rest of this week and next week. But I'll be gone for a week long training out of town week after next. I hate going out of town to these things. Have to stay in a room with another co-worker. I hate being away from home. Fries my nerves. Just have to keep everything and everyone inside under control. Is very hard to do and very tiring. Scared that something will happen and ppl I work with will figure things out. I hate these things. But I have to go to keep my job. So there is never any choice in the matter.

[__zh]

all that traveling can undo anyone's nerves. it can be an exhausting feeling trying to keep everything under control when around people in strange environments (i.e. hotels)

can you do anything in these two weeks between now and when you travel next to help make it slightly less scary?

are you feeling slightly down after the mania?

keeping the job is rather importatnt. can H help you figure out ways to cope while on the business trip? bring a stuffie and framed picture maybe?

sorry we're not full of ideas or even really awake. we go to donate blood this a.m. and they told us no coffee before. eek!

[Monty_girl]

Oh I gave blood once. Not doing that again, took me days to get straight again. Good Luck, get the coffee as soon as ya get out. LOL

Yeah, I'm taking my stuffies. And I have times set up when I'll call H. I have pics of H and the kitties on my cell phone. Think I need to set aside alone time. Sometimes that helps. Sometimes T has me call in check in with him as well. May have to do that. I see T tomorrow, so we can talk about it then and see about setting something up this week and next before I go.

I'm coming down pretty hard right now from the mania. Scared to tell T. But I think I should. My eyes are really messed up today as well. Hard today trying to see. That makes me really down as well as it would anyone. Hoping they clear up later. Having a hard day all around.

[__zh]

(((Monty)))) we're so sorry for all the health related issues you are facing. bleh!

we are very glad your H and T are so supportive. would you consider telling T about the mania today? we agree with you that telling him would be important even if it is hard to do. he isn't there to judge you sweetie.........by his knowing about the mania he is better able to assist you.

we wish your eyes weren't bothering you today. it makes total sense to feel down when physical stuff is going on in addition to the emotional.

take gentle care Monty and know we send our best.

(((Monty))) extra for good measure.
__zh

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((monty))))))))))))))))))))) another one of those

i know how hard it is to try to be present all of the time. have you thought about any activities that no one would think twice about, but that would be pleasing to the inside? that's why i try to do. puzzle books, etching, etc.

just a thought...

love you!

kd

[Monty_girl]

TY ((((((((((((((((((((( _zh)))))))))))))))))))) for the extra hugs

I couldn't tell T yesterday about the mania. He's the T on mon. & wed. at a boys camp and is hard to get ahold of him on those days. But I'll try to talk to him tonight when I see him. Maybe write it down. I'll let you know what happens.

My eyes are a lot better today. It's so frustrating when they get like that. But it didn't last to long yesterday. It's like I get a line going straight across that's rainbowed and blurred. Drives me crazy.

I'll fill you in tomorrow with what T says tonight. Just have to get brave between now and then to tell him.
Monty

[Monty_girl]

Yep another one of those. Think I'm going to drive to Lex. this time, that way I'll have my car and can leave if needed. TV is our escape, so maybe watching TV during the down time. Most everyone inside loves TV.

Love Ya's ((((((((((((((((((((( KD )))))))))))))))))))))
Monty

monty
having your own car is a good thing if only for taking a drive and sitting away from everyone and everything else.
i have had problems with my eyes like what you described. my eye dr. said they were optical migraines. not serious but annoying. do you get a headache afterwards? i sometimes do.
w_i

[Monty_girl]

I'm so mad and frustratred. T missed the point of what I was trying to tell him completely. Makes me mad because he always wants to talk to the alters. Feel like he doesn't care about what's happening with me. He said it seems like I'm trying to avoid the feelings and I'm trying not to deal with anything right now. How can I deal with feelings I'm not even feeling?? I don't have any feelings or any communication with the alters right now. NONE !! So I don't understand how I'm avoiding anything. This is just the way I am right now. Frustrated, confused, irritated and generally just in a p#ssi mood all around. I don't know what more I can do. T said something about being hospital again. Feeling he may put me in against my will. I don't trust him at this point.
Monty

[kimmydawn]

oh ((((((((((((((((((((((monty)))))))))))))))))))))))))

i'm so sorry! it's so hard to be misunderstood, especially by t when it feels SO important that they understand!

can you write a letter to him? something like that, so your words don't get lost and you can say what you need to?

i love you,

kd

[__zh]

Monty,

We'd guess that he probably isn't understanding how hard things are when the physical symptoms are what you're dealing with.

It doesn't sound easy to be feeling frustrated, confused, irritated and generally in a peeved mood all around.

We doubt T would mention hospital unless he had valid reason for your safety and well-being.

Where is H in all this? Can he help with communication with T? H has different perspective in living with you so he might be able to convey more information to T. Just an idea.

We're thinking of you Monty. We hope you do not have to go to hospital. We hope you take care and get through as best you all are able.

[silver_queen]

(((((((((((((((((((( Monty ))))))))))))))))))) being misunderstood and not heard are one of the most awful feelings in the world. I hope your meaning is understood soon and that things become clearer.