Losing hope of getting better

When i saw T today he said that he forgot to call when i was in crisis yesterday and called him. i eneded up just taking a couple of valium and going to sleep- but it could have gone a lot differently.

Everything is so so hard now and all i have to help is a T that becomes so defensive (T said "Hey, i only forgot to call back once") when he will be fine.

Why can't T care more about me and the pain i HAVE to live in now ? Why would he be defensive?

Because T thinks that 'T' means touchdown and he used to play defense. He thinks like everyone else that this is a game and nobody wants to lose if they are on my side.

kerria

I want to be on your side. and we will win! stupid doctors. just because they don't know the dx doesn't mean it isn't real and it's so wrong of them to discount what you say and what you feel just because they know you have DID. you don't suddenly become a less valid or less real person just because of that dx. i am very angry on your behalf and wish there was something i could do. the only thing i know to do is offer you my support and let you know that i am thinking of you. if you ever need anything, let me know.

((((((((kerria))))))))) please take care. i'm so sorry that life is being so crappy to you. you deserve better.

shadow

(((((((Shadow))))))))

Thanks so much- it means so much to me and all inside that you're on my side. There's so many people against me- important ones- like drs and T who choose how much pain i'm in and how safe i feel

It feels like everything is out of my control. It's so hard to go on living like this. i feel so stuck. we're panicking because we're stuck and there's no way out.

Thank you Everyone for helping by trying to give me hope that there will be a way out- a good dr. to treat me.
the relationship with T has hurt me so much.

Thank you, Shadow , for being on my side. most of the time i imagine that T and a lot of persons that i rell problems to hate/dislike me/are bugged because everything they say to encourage doesn't seem to help becase we have opposing parts. There's never a time when everyone is happy with anything. i just have to live with it

love, kerria