i don't like them fighting with each other. it was better when they didn't talk. they are blaming each other. shula and elsie. someone make them stop.
alice

[kimmydawn]

i'm sorry ((((((caroline)))))))). i've never experienced that (that i'm aware of) so i really don't know what would/might help there.

i get disagreement from inside towards me, but have never been aware of fighting amongst inside.

i hope things calm down soon.

be safe, sweetie,

kd

[dragonskin]

I'm sorry alice [[[[[[[dragon hugs]]]]]]]] I hope it all worked out for the best. You're right though, asking for help from outside can be the only thing left. As long as you trust them, hopefully they can help.

ty kimmy and thank you for talking to me last night I hope it was ok to talk to you.
shula and elsie are mad at each other cos they both see things differently that happened to us. it's not comfortable. I did go to bed after we talked and when we woke caroline was back. elsie and shula have both gone back to being silent again.
alice

thank you for the hugs dragonskin i like hugs cos they make me feel that someone is looking after me.

noone coould help yesterday or maybe i didn't ask the right people but kimmy tried and she said that i knew the right thing to do. i am not sure.
alice

[dragonskin]

you're welcome alice.

A big problem here is that they both are right. To help you (all of you) survive and understand they had to see it differently. I think it's important to not invalidate either of their feelings... feelings are tied to opinions and both are completely right (and it's hard to change both easily)... So if Shula feels mad then that's her right to feel mad... it's not her right to want everyone in the whole world to feel mad... but it is her right to want to be able to feel mad herself. And elsie is right in that it's ok for her NOT to feel mad... it's not right of her to want everyone else to NOT feel mad... (and it's not going to happen)... the important part for the two of them is to remember that both of them are equal and valid in their own right.

And if that made any sense and if it didn't I hope it did though.

[[[[[[[dragonhugs]]]]]]]

The problem is that it is what they think happened in the past . that's what they are fighting about. shula thinks some people were unkind and cruel to us and elsie thinks we just did too many things wrong and were too demanding. i just don't know i want them not to fight and i want someone to look after me and baby.
alice

[dragonskin]

I think a big problem with this is that they're dealing with their own reactions to how other people dealt/acted with them. It's fairly impossible for 2 people to agree on things, especially when it comes to how someone else acted. Because when I get criticized I have a hard time accepting anything other than the fact -oh crap i messed up, i did something wrong- when it might not be like that. I might have done something the other person didn't like- but that doesn't necissarily mean that what I did was wrong. Another thing is when you're dealing with other people, they might mean one thing but it means a whole 'nother thing to you. Tone of voice, and they way they're looking at you, and even how tired they are can lead you to believe the wrong thing.

If shula thinks that people were unkinda and cruel, she might not be looking at it with an uncritical eye. She might think that ANY person who teased you was being unkind, when the person might mean it in a nice way.

As for elsie, guilt is a very vary hard thing to deal with. If you're taught as a child that it's your fault for someone elses actions you're going to grow up thinking that their reactions to you (what THEY should be controlling) is your fault.

And it's possible that some people were cruel and unkind, a lot of people are. But a lot of people aren't. So you have to not just figure out IF they are, you also have to figure out if YOU are judging them too much or too hard.

Aslo, it's possible that you were doing somethings wrong, or were too demanding... BUT BUT BUT!!!! BUT!!!! (<--- notice the emphasis) it's much MUCH MUCH more likely that someone was judging YOU too toughly, and making you feel like you were wanting more than they could or should give. And in doing so they gave the impression that any asking of help was too much.

As for finding someone to look after you and the baby, that's something you might need to look to yourself for. :P Trying talking amongst yourselves (and i'm not sure how much you can all talk) and maybe they can take turns with you... Maybe BC can help, I'm not sure how involved she is in this process. I know that I have this problem. I try to get people to help me do things that I can do so that I know they love me. don't ask me why I don't know... it's just something I do and haven't figured out yet.

I hope this is making sense and maybe helping you some.

[[[[[[[dragonhugs]]]]]]]

thank you dragonskin it is all very hard for me tounderstand but i think i got some of it. but I can't make shula and elsie understand cos they are not listening to anyone right now again. maybe ruth will find a way to help us all when we see her tomorrow. that's if she wants us to talk i'm not sure if she does or not. i'm not even sure if i want to talk to anyone else it's a scary thing doing it when you haven't before or not when you have decided to and let the other person know who it is.

Big C can sometimes help us feel safe. but we need other people too but i know what you mean bout it being tied up with loving.

thank you
alice

[Fuzzybear]

Hoping your day is better.....

(black slime bear)

[kimmydawn]

i hope you're doing well ((((((((((carline))))))))))))))\

Thank you kimmy

The answer is, "Not really but could be worse."
Today was the first day back at work for me and it was hard. I found it difficult being around people all day, and tomorrow will be worse as I have to perform in front of the students again. Next job for me is planning...
On the other hand, lots of people were kind and asked how I was. That helped (even though none of the management team bothered to ask me - and they precipitated this depression in the first place ). I survived, and I got my classroom reasonably tidy.
thanks for asking.
Caroline