This past week I've had several full blown panic attacks during class that included me flipping out and feeling extremely violent towards my professors.

Talking at length today, my therapist brought up my childhood. I don't remember a LOT of it. But I remember saying that in 2nd grade I came home from school every day crying because my teacher was horrible to me. I don't know what she did, and my mom wouldn't tell me apart from, "She pretended like you didn't exist a lot." But I literally don't remember ANYTHING about that year except for my teacher's name. Mrs. Nemeir.

So my T thinks I have a "part" that is like 8-9 years old or something, and another part she's calling "the warrior" because she thinks this part gets mad at the situation and at the child for whining or something. She said my panic attacks were flashbacks, but I didn't see anything?

She's asked me to quiet down and listen and see if these parts say anything to me. But WHAT THE ###$?! I don't understand this $#%^ :\ Parts? And what am I supposed to hear voices in my head?

Help please :'(

[Emotionally Dead]

I'm not really good at DID.. I don't really know a whole lot about it, so I can't offer any expert advice. From what I have heard it does start off by hearing voices and things, and then gets worse and worse I suppose. Someone here with DID would be of more help, but just thought I would post and give some moral support.. Good luck to you and finding out all of your questions and I hope you're doing OK. If you need to talk or anything you can PM me.

[Lillyleaf]

For me, I did start by hearing voices in my head..... Even then I didnt know I was abused or anything. But the voices in my head where very real and scared me. I did have flash backs too... mostly memorys that I dont "remember". But with DID there is a lot of diffrence bettween eveyone who has it. Your parts will in thery tell you about your past and why you feel serten things, however this doesnt always happen. Trust your T but know that the person is you and you know about your self. I hope this helped...

~Lilly

[Fuzzybear]

"She pretended like you didn't exist a lot"
wow that strikes a chord with me (from my childhood and from the chunks that I don't remember and from what others have said re those times - as well as things I do remember)
Just sending my support. Keep posting, you're welcome here.

[carinacan]

sounds alot like me to....can't rember alot of my childhood and well the voices i here are always at night.....u know like fighting in my head .......conversations that wont stop and then singing ......can't sleep most nights becouse of it......so just hang on ...its well just a day inthe life i guss

c-ya

[Nupoet64]

(((((Aanga)))))...I did not start with the voices. And flashbacks can be just the emotions, too. I sometimes hear voices, but ahve only recently ( in past 2 months) become aware of my "parts".
It is actually an aspect of yourself that gets "stuck in time" so to speak. It gets walled off from the rest of your personality.
I have a Little Girl that got stuck at age 3. She was raped by Dad.
I have a warrior...she was irritated with everything that appeared weak. She would cause dissociative rages on others. I would black out and not remember what happened during a fight or arguement.
The warrior is the one that made me aware of my "parts". She got so mad she did not care if I found out about her.
I cannot give you advice about how to adjust to this news, because I am still trying to come to grips with it, myself.
But I have been researching DID omline and the knowledge has made me aware of having been this way since I was a small child. It does help, in that the crazy events in my life now have an explaination. I can see where I have lost time...I always lost time, I thought everyone lived like that. I often felt like the Quantum Leap character....finding myself "popped" in to some situation and trying to make a quick survay and deal with what was happening...covering my confusion.
I hope this has helped you in some small way.
I am currently having anxiety that is causing me to move faster than normal and having trouble staying focused, so sorry for typos and rambling...gl.

[Hunny]

Aanga,

I can really say that the anxiety was probably my biggest indicator near the time I recognized or at least became aware I might be in denial of my parts.

Nupoet said it so well, it is a kind of stuckness in that part. Who knew that I would return to those parts not knowing I was leaving the other parts...well who knows where. It didn't seem to matter as there were many other chaotic things happening in life so it is only hindsight we found our behaviour was indicative of dissociation.

Take time Aanga to figure it all out. The solution can be pretty long, there is no rush, except a part or two may want it all out and over, like yesterday, usually the teen alters, in my experience.

Take care of yourself....

Hunny

Originally Posted by Aanga

This past week I've had several full blown panic attacks during class that included me flipping out and feeling extremely violent towards my professors.

Talking at length today, my therapist brought up my childhood. I don't remember a LOT of it. But I remember saying that in 2nd grade I came home from school every day crying because my teacher was horrible to me. I don't know what she did, and my mom wouldn't tell me apart from, "She pretended like you didn't exist a lot." But I literally don't remember ANYTHING about that year except for my teacher's name. Mrs. Nemeir.

So my T thinks I have a "part" that is like 8-9 years old or something, and another part she's calling "the warrior" because she thinks this part gets mad at the situation and at the child for whining or something. She said my panic attacks were flashbacks, but I didn't see anything?

She's asked me to quiet down and listen and see if these parts say anything to me. But WHAT THE ###$?! I don't understand this $#%^ :\ Parts? And what am I supposed to hear voices in my head?

Help please :'(

Thank you all so much. It means a lot to know I'm not alone in this battle to figure out what's wrong.

I'm terrified. I have a lot to learn. Hopefully you all will be able to help me through the process.

[Abyssal]

I don't think its your part or you are having a DID .. I think, that the memories of your childhood and that trauma still haunts you .. Much of our psychological problems in later life are due to the traumatic experiences we have gone through during childhood.
And maybe there could be any other reason of the panic attacks but its not DID I think. We even use dissociation as a defense mechanism .. & we dont call it DID .. In DID, you have got one/more indepdent personalities that think different from the one you are in real.
Anxiety disorder/panic disorder you need to check on. I suggest!

[Nupoet64]

DID can cover many things. There are varied degrees of dissociation. That is why it is very important to talk with T. They can help find which stage it is, but be very honest in answering questions. I was not. I knew some things made me sound crazy so I did not tell anyone. The T I see now I have seen for about 3 years and I have only recently come clean with her, but I had no choice. My alters showed up in session. I had never had a concious awareness of them before, but I had never dealt with the trauma we were working on that day.
GL and please get into good therapy....

[anderson]

When we first stated to acknowledge the voices within. at first it was hard on us too. Then it was a releif because now we realised what happened to us during the time we could not remember. To us it was normal we thought at times everyone lived this way it was not until we tried different meds to deal with the stress of remembering the abuse and truma that I realised internally we feel totally lost not being able to communicate with each other. Going to a good T is good it will help you learn to work with them and to move forward.
Good luck and no you are not alone.

[lonegael]

Nupoet, uhm, I haven't posted here much, but I can understand your confusion. I usually get no sort of signals from my "parts" whatsoever. I do, when in danger, dissociate; if function, but my perceptions are strange during the episodes and my memories of the episodes are distorted or sometimes missing. When I am having a hypomanic of mixed episode (I am bipolar) I am usually under a lot of physical and mental stress, and then I start fragmenting more, I suppose. There are are parts of my consciousness that argue with each other, referr to me in third person, talk to me have pasts I don't know, but I have no missing time, etc. I can go years without more than a casually awareness of some of these Parts' chraceristics being loaned to me at one time or another, as if it were a role I was stepping into.

As a child, I was bullied horribly for years. There was a lot of physical abuse from my classmates and verbal abuse from teachers, and I remember as a small chld being literally sure I would be killed at school. Was this realistic? No, probably not, but that terror and facing it every day was. You don't have to have a Sybil or David Pelzer background to have a brain that decides, "you know what, I think I can handle this much better if I just make a few adjustments here and call in the troops." It isn't all that wierd, and lots of so call ed normal people have one form or another of dissoicating in all it's lovely forms. Huggs!