fundraiser, dissociation & ed secrets

A couple of weeks ago I went to another meeting for people with eating issues called Overeaters Anonymous. I met a wonderful person there who while we were talking we were affirming each other's past experiences and trying to figure out how the heck we both felt it necessary to attend OEA at times. There was a lady there who gave her talk and we were touched by what she had to say. She had been sa, and neglected amongst other things. When this person and I were sharing our own experiences afterward it was like whoa I am sharing the secrets of our family with another person, in real life! ....and it was like o k a y....

Do you know what that was like? After so many years. It is like remember the times but not having shame, disgust etc etc...

So, the other day I went to an eating disorder fundraiser...I was too busy to worry about going before I got there but when I got there I realized it was another time for me to help/address the eating disorders in my life...me, family members and friends, alive and already passed away.

I think for my system, this eating issue/s is/are part of my growing-up experience. It is definitely woven into the history of our family. For instance the one side of the family did not have a drinking problem but on further examination they did have an issue with eating. Too long I/we have ignored this issue. So it has come down the years and now I can say it is no more a secret! Now what to do about it? It is difficult to know. There are parts that want to eat and parts that don't want to and parts that go feed me, oh my goodness, untangling the thread again. Figuring out the dissociation in relation to the food.

Thanks for reading and I say that with gratitude.

PS I was thinking here is a group of people gathered together around ed and I kept thinking this could be a group of DID/dissociative people gathered together. Hunny's Dreaming again.

Hunny,
I think it is like when you are a kid and you are imbaresed abouto things you do but then when you are all grown up you can talk about those moments feely. I am go glad you are able to share these things with people in real life. It is a very very diffrent feeling in online. But like someone said "there are two types of secreat, there ones we keep from otheres and the ones we keep from ourselves" Keep being strong. and it is not wishfull thinking to hope there will be a DID group one day. IN school we are in a class that makes you think of things that could happen and how to make them happen. Maybe that DID group isnt that far away as it seems. you might be suprixe and it might already even be out there. Keep hoping because one day it might be really there. Or if you are really ready to go out on a limb try to make one your self. there are always things that start with just one person and that person might be you. Keep it up

thanks for sharing
~Mayple

Lillyleaf, what a pocket-load of wisdom you bestowed upon us here. Thanks!

Yes, talking about them, the secrets,> one to one with an adult, >freely< is such a strange...hmmm, well it is very freeing, like you stated.

Yeah, it is pretty revealing...to share this news/secret with ourself/ves. I was looking at the life and thinking nope I don't recall loving the body, evr!

At the fundraiser they stressed to persevere, well that was just part of it. So many things were talked about.

Thank you for stressing hopefulness regarding 'the dream to reality'. it will be a surprise and it may not be as far away, like you say. It very well may start or be up to me. It feels like the more the secrets are shed and fall to the ground like rotting apples, the more little seeds are revealed. Maybe that is how all this dreaming is supposed to work out. Little seeds of hope growing from all that decay.

Lillyleaf, you are somethin'! Thanks!

Hunny

((((((hunny))))))
We be dreaming the same dream. to have a surport group in real person. we have found it a time or two in the past but to have one now would be so helpful. we are starting to go to a suport group for part of our prablems but are waiting for a service dog before we reach out to far now.
~
You have shared some really good things this week with the movie and the surport group. You help us see the light even when some of our eyes are closed.

Anderson,

Now we have a dream whereas even thinking about a dream was pretty much out of the question for years. Kind of like just surviving as opposed to thriving. Remember, we had this condition long before help arrived, so perhaps it takes longer for a dream to be thought of.

I feel more at peace around having dreams. It is like window shopping, it doesn't cost anything and I can have whatever I want in my dream. I can have a small intimate group or I can have a dream of a conference or a fundraiser like I went to for eating disorders.

I saw the fundraiser for the other group and I thought why not? Why not have dreams about how things could be. I know there are lots of invitations extended by people with other conditions to be part of conferences about their conditions but I am dreaming about one for people here. There could also be a walk or run or, well the possibilities are endless, aren't they.

Dreams are free. They aren't expectations so no need to feel let down when they don't happen although it would be nice if your dream came true for you Anderson.

I think there is quite a difference between the need for a companion canine and a dream. Perhaps there can be a conference/fundraiser for people who have experienced abuse or ptsd for raising funds for obtaining therapeutic dogs. How about that for a dream!?

Hunny you are a strong and wonderful person to attend without trauma these places and to think that a group of people could gather together without problems and feel comfortable just being who they are

If Rhiannon could leave the home it would be an excellent situation for her to gather with others similar. But leaving the home is something I can do so if there were a group around we could attend. You have given me an idea and thank you so much for it

Morgana

Rhiannonsmoon, (I have written much but read what you are able)

Thanks. You are so thoughtful to consider me in the midst of the presenters at the fund raiser.

It was somewhat difficult to be there when they showed the videos and particularly when one young woman read her poem. It is probably why I came here to help me diffuse the experience.

You see Rhiannonsmoon, when I returned home from being away for five months, my younger sister at age 15 and 5' 3" was 78 lbs and going down. Since that shock years ago there has always been a desire in my heart to do something, anything, if not for her for someone like her. It was a terrifying experience for me, seeing my sister like that, with two alcoholic parents and no help in sight, except judgement and shame on the parents and misery for the rest of us as we were already firmly ensconsed in the family disease of alcoholism, only some of who were alcoholics.

That was 40 years ago and eating disorders were never heard of or at least rarely. The neglect due to alcohol abuse by our parents was extremely abusive. My sister, the youngest was raised almost entirely by the disease. These memories are painful to me and listening to the healing stories at the fundraiser was painful. No one helped us in those days. The family was a mess but today with awareness people are receiving help. In a way it was healing for me to be at the fundraiser to see how far we have come but yes, it was at moments hard for me to not run out of the room.

I know it isn't a perfect scenario but for dissociation/did it seems we are about how eating disorders were 40 years ago. The awareness is so minimal not even near a fundraisers yet, but some day, oh yes, someday. By the way, I just saw on tv that on Nov 3rd, Oprah will have something on her show for men who have been sa. Now I know that neglect is not sa but neglect is abuse, even if the parents were only drinking. It has to stop.

I don't know you too well at all Morgana but appreciate your strength and your challenge to me. It will get better, trust me, it will. No expectations just healing at your own pace, okay? But it will get better for you and for the system and for me and for other people's systems. I have to believe this!

But having said that. The pure joy of the experience of that fundraiser is in the knowledge that somebody will receive help from the funds raised. Also, as a side, I was able to tell a mother of one of the girls about Alanon. The Dad, her husband is an alcoholic. The mother is in so much distress about her daughter and her husband. The poem the young woman, 18 years old, wrote was phenominal. She addressed her Dad and his drinking and she addressed her eating disorder.

I don't know what else to say Morgana, but it will get better.

Morgana

Hunny, it is a wonderful idea....