[toesquasher]

hi. new here. There's four of us. At least that's all we know about. It's great to have somewhere we can be understood. We've got a problem. our T wants us to integrate but the little one, Baby, is scared of disappearing. She doesn't want to go away. When she has the time, it feels most natural. The others are either angry or indifferent or stuck so that they can't do anything.
The only collective feeling we have is fear. And it's a fear of practically everything. Especially anything that even hints at a reminder of what happened to us.
We are having to face these two urological procedures in the near future. We are terrified. the urologist met Baby and was really good with her, but we're still scared. the host, me, toesquasher, just talked to a nurse who explained the procedures to her very thoroughly. It was both good and bad. It was good to know exactly what was going to happen but it was bad because of how scary the procedures are. And, I guess, the urologist won't actually be doing the procedures. Just his nurses. Yikes! I know Baby will get triggered by the procedures. She gets triggered very often and very easily. If she gets triggered during the procedures and gets time, she'll get retraumatized. She'll both go crazy with fear and then completely shut us down. My T and us are working on grounding techniques to prevent being triggered but Baby feels like that is basically denying her existence. I don't know what to do. I don't want Baby to get triggered, but I also don't want us to be emotionally shut down.
Has anyone experienced anything that might help us? We are new at the multiple thing so we've never gone through these procedures as a multiple. We really don't want to dissociate but we can't think of any other way to possibly get through the procedures. It's the only way we can think to survive this. Any ideas?
Toesquasher

[Eriksplus]

Originally Posted by toesquasher

hi. new here. There's four of us. At least that's all we know about. It's great to have somewhere we can be understood. We've got a problem. our T wants us to integrate but the little one, Baby, is scared of disappearing. She doesn't want to go away. When she has the time, it feels most natural. The others are either angry or indifferent or stuck so that they can't do anything.
The only collective feeling we have is fear. And it's a fear of practically everything. Especially anything that even hints at a reminder of what happened to us.
We are having to face these two urological procedures in the near future. We are terrified. the urologist met Baby and was really good with her, but we're still scared. the host, me, toesquasher, just talked to a nurse who explained the procedures to her very thoroughly. It was both good and bad. It was good to know exactly what was going to happen but it was bad because of how scary the procedures are. And, I guess, the urologist won't actually be doing the procedures. Just his nurses. Yikes! I know Baby will get triggered by the procedures. She gets triggered very often and very easily. If she gets triggered during the procedures and gets time, she'll get retraumatized. She'll both go crazy with fear and then completely shut us down. My T and us are working on grounding techniques to prevent being triggered but Baby feels like that is basically denying her existence. I don't know what to do. I don't want Baby to get triggered, but I also don't want us to be emotionally shut down.
Has anyone experienced anything that might help us? We are new at the multiple thing so we've never gone through these procedures as a multiple. We really don't want to dissociate but we can't think of any other way to possibly get through the procedures. It's the only way we can think to survive this. Any ideas?
Toesquasher

Welcome to PC.
As far as your T wanting you to intergrate, the dissision lies with you all, NOT your T.
As for not dissocating durning the procedures...sadly we cannot help you there because we still swich like mad when we become tri**ered as well. However, we wanted you to know we read this and offer support.

(Webber)Erik

[toesquasher]

Thanks for the welcome and reply erik. we were beginning to wonder if we're the only ones around. we went to t today and it was a total disaster!! Baby was too little and scared to talk, so she just drew pictures. Then Mommy got mad and went on a......destructive rampage. My T made us promise not to SI today. But Mommy wants to. Wants to hurt. wants to be bad. My T said I need to be safe. Stay safe. But Mommy wants to hurt. .....
T says Baby doesn't have to go to the doctor if she doesn't want to. She says it's up to Baby. Baby can choose. But Baby's too little to make choices. Besides, the nurse called back and said said the doctor could do the procedure all himself if I want to get it done the week of Christmas. I want him to do it but it's too soon. So I feel trapped. Either I get it over with early and he does it or I wait until I'm ready and someone else does it. I don't know which to do.
toesquasher

[michelle421]

welcome toesquasher! this is a good place to meet others who understand, so i hope you can find some support you are looking for.

i think it might be helpful if you brought up some of those concerns with your T. integration is a goal for some systems but not all, and that is a very important decision that you all should be a part of. everyone's concerns matter. if your T knew of Baby's concerns, maybe you could talk about them and feel more comfortable with whatever decision is made. would it be possible to bring up those concerns with your T?

i'm sorry to hear that you have to deal with those procedures. i think it is really good that you have been working on grounding techniques, because i think that will really be the most helpful to get through those really rough times. baby's feelings are valid, and dealing with difficult feelings isn't easy especially in stressful situations. has she learned about grounding as well as the others? triggers can bring on lots of difficult emotions, but dealing with those emotions doesn't have to mean that you deny the issue or the person having the issue... i think it just means taking in the stressor/trigger and identifying the solutions in a more constructive and healthy way to get through the dangerous situation/feelings. i wish you the best of luck, and keep working with your T on these issues... i think that therapy is a great resource, and pc here is a great resource too. again - welcome!

[Jewels]

hi toesquasher...we have had lots of experiences with procedures...and it isnt as easy to differentiate unless you have the nurses on your side and are willing to tell every little thing they are doing for/to you...we sat down and had a real heart to heart with all the nurses and anesthesiologists and told them what triggered us, what happened to us when people didn't listen, and what they needed to do to keep us safe and sound...it worked!!! All the nurses were great...they kept us informed of every little thing they did...from washing off the place where they were going to stick the IV, to taping it down...they explained that taping it down was so it wouldn't come loose during the procedure/surgery...then the anesthesiologist took the gas mask off my face...which was being held there by an intern who hadn't been in the room when we discussed that we felt like we were being smothered by the mask and could he just put it on our chest so the air could come to our nose and then after they put us to sleep they were free to put the mask back on the face...and that was only until they put the tube down our windpipe so the machine could breathe for us/and we could breathe ourselves too...so it all worked out in the end because all the people knew before we went in there what we expected...and needed...from them...I would be very up front with whoever is doing the testing...and tell them to tell baby every single thing they are doing to her...touching her...rolling her onto her side...using a mask for air...if she feels suffocated you might mention that as well...then they can put you all to sleep before the mask goes on your face to force air into your lungs...tell the nurses to rell baby everything they do...including cleaning her arm off for the IV, and when they put the IV in, and how they tape it and why...and they can keep reassuring baby that she is doing good and they are not there to hurt her...but to help her...and whatever else they do as a part of the exam/procedure...if they have to cath her...they can tell her what they are doing...and why...and it will feel a bit uncomfortable until it gets into her bladder and then she won't feel it anymore...really, really set the scene with the nurses so baby can know what is happeneing and when and why...it should calm her like it calmed us...that surgery was the best surgery that we had...not one bad thing happened to us during the whole surgery and beyond...it was quite a change from the surgery before that one...we left feeling in charge of ourselves and of the surgery. That is our best experience that we could tell you about. Perhaps baby needs to ask questions. Please know that you can feel free to pm me anytime you desire to.

Have a good day/evening/morning...whatever time it is in your part of the world rirght now! For me it is 806 pm EST. I live in the states.

Hope this helps you.

Blessings,

Jewels

[toesquasher]

Jewels and Michelle421
Thanks for your replies. I really appreciate the encouragement and insight.
toesquasher

[toesquasher]

Jewels, I tried to pm you but couldn't. sorry