was terrible. Dr called me in, no Ted; I asked after a while & dr didn't seem to know that Ted was supposed to be there. Ted arrived part way through. Dr had quite a heavy accent so I had to work hard to understand him and correct him on his understanding of me at some points. I tried to make the point that I had read widely but they treated me like I didn't know the basics, eg telling me that there were lots of factors which had fed into my anxiety/depression including upbringing, chemicals in my blood, life stress, impact of the therapy I am now doing, genetic impact. Outcome - there wasn't one. They have a team meeting on Wednesday and they will talk about whether to refer me to a drama therapist (which would be SO difficult for me you can't imagine - I hate any form of drama :noo: ) or to the psychotherapy department - for which there is a waiting list of a year. That was all they could offer. I then asked them whether they could fund more sessions for me with my current counsellor and they said that might be possible for 10 sessions or so. Thank goodness I asked. I had to bring up the DID - that jogged the dr's memory (my GP had mentioned it in his referral letter) but he didn't seem to know much about it or the questions to ask so I was left trying to explain which was really hard for me. Don't know if they are going to let me know what they decide, or if they are going to refer me anywhere, or whether they will attach a community psychiatric nurse to me. Just know it looks like I am on my own. I tried to explain I am just barely hanging on at work and home, but because I have not attempted suicide or got scars from self harm I obviously don't matter. They didn't even seem to be able to say whether I am DID or not - Ted said he thought I had symptoms of it but this might be linked to memories surfacing during my therapy. So that was really helpful.

C

{{{{{ Caroline }}}}}

I'm so sorry. I had hoped it would go well.

Let's hope they will at least fund a few more sessions with your current T. Are you going to talk with her today?

Again, I wish it would've worked out better for you.

Take gentle care,

Petunia

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((caroline)))))))))))))))))))))

i'm so sorry it was that way. maybe getting back in with t might help you and her figure out the help that you need (i.e. a letter to them, conference together, etc.)

i sure am hoping for ya.

kd

[shadowdancer]

(((((((((((((((caroline)))))))))))))))))

oh hon i'm so sorry!! how rotten! i was hoping it would go so much better. hopefully you can get back with ruth and ruth can either figure out a way to help you or she can help you find some private Ts who ask for payment on a sliding scale.

i'm always here if you need to talk. i am so sorry that this didn't go better.

-shadow

(((((Caroline)))))
I'm so sorry it was such a downer. We're here if you need to talk.
w_i

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((Caroline))))))))))))))))))

Thank you Petunia.
I stopped on the way home and called my counsellor, in tears, on my mobile. She was good and it really helped to talk to her. She was very sad that it went so badly, and also frustrated. I'm hoping they will fund some sessions. I am so sick of haveing to beg for help. And I feel like this is all my fault, that I must have made the wrong responses for them to treat me this way. It's so hard; on the one hand I am working flat out on functioning, on holding it all together at work. On the other it seems like I needed to fall apart (which is what I tend to do in the evenings) to show them how bad it really is. But I knew I had to go back in to school after the appointment, and that if I fell apart big time there was no way I could do that. It's a no win situation.
C

[Gemstone]

{{{{Caroline}}}}}}}

I'm sorry it went so badly. I was really hoping that it would go well for you.

It's good you called your counsellor.

Take care of yourself.

Thank you kimmy

I don't think I can expect any help from them, unless they fund some sessions with my counsellor for me. At the moment I have no confidence that they will even do that. I just feel hopeless - they were telling me I needed to continue working through these issues which have come up, and that the DID is a response to the issues, but not giving me the support I need in order to work through.
Part of me thinks that if I only had the courage to slash my wrists, or overdose, then maybe I would be listened to. But I can't do that to my family.
C

[Yack]

Don't do that to yourself!!!

Yack

Thank you shadow.

I called ruth. She has some options. We both hope maybe they will fund some sessions and then at least I will be able to see some way ahead. She also had a suggestion of another T who does sliding scale work who might be able to help, but I don't know if I can go through asking for more help right now. It takes so much out of me to meet with new people, and I just used it all up. It's hard to face again, especially when I don't feel that I am worth it. They obviously didn't. I can't communicate clearly where I am at, or not clearly enough.
C

Thank you w_i I don't know what to say or do or anything. I just feel I should disappear and not take up anyone's time any more.
C

thanks, fuzzy.

thank you Gem.

I have to find a way of holding together but I am not sure I can any more.

I won't, Yack. It isn't an option. Part of my frustratin, though, is that I think that is, essentially, all the dr was interested in. Once he knew i was not suicidal I think he had more or less made up his mind. It was, "Yes, you need help, but sorry, there isn't any."

[wanttoheal]

(((((((((((((((Caroline))))))))))))))))

[Zorah]

(((((Caroline)))))
That stinks, but the same thing is happening to me. Now I have to wait another 3 months for reassessment.
My first assessment, 3 months after my t died, went just like yours & my h's t says we're fictional.
Great idea to ask for extension of sessions with other t, but will you still trust him ??
So sorry, they make us dread seeing them, weeks of avxiety before appt., then they're bloody useless.

Hi zorah

Thank you. Sorry you have to go through the same thing. I have an appt with the psychiatrist in 2 months. That's something to look forward to - not!

My counsellor is great and yes I trust her. She and I have worked together, on and off, over 5 years. Only 8 sessions at a time but I have a tremendous respect for her. No way was all this her fault.

C

Thanks, wantsto

C

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( C )))))))))))))))))

I am sorry you have been treated so shabbily by the hospital

And I thought my shrink was bad.... he didn't make me wait 2 MONTHS after the first time I saw him!!!!!

>>>>> UK NHS <<<<<<

ggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Fuzzy

Hi Fuzzy

Yeah, it stinks.

I did get a copy of the letter sent to my GP by email today. Apat from several factual errors, the important thing (the only thing) it recommended was that I have 10 more sessions with my counsellor, which is SUCH a relief. I had visions of being totally alone and that I couldn't deal with. This way I know those sessions are covered, and so at least I will have support for the next few months. That has helped me hugely today.

Thanks for your support. Sorry to be such a drain.
C

[silver_queen]

Wow Caroline, I'm so sorry to hear that you were treated so badly. I totally agree with Fuzzy... grrr at the NHS! Glad that you're having some more appts with your counsellor though... you'll have time to hopefully work out some new approach.