[Gemstone]

I was recently given a memory back that has to do with some past abuse. It’s something really bad that has to do with a close friend of the family. I am handling a little better now. I managed to write it down.

My dilemma is that I still see this person on a regular basis. I am in a small town and I do a lot of business with him. I have to see a lot of my former abusers on a regular basis (father mainly), but I don’t know how to deal with this. I don’t want to have anything to do with this person anymore, but I don’t know how to accomplish that. I’m not up for confrontation.

I guess I will talk to t about this today.

I just wanted to get my thoughts out. I have a real problem with that. Thanks.

[allthegirls6]

Its a hard one. I suppose you run the risk of losing the business if you say something. But on the other hand you fel like you want to do something. Im trying to think what I would do..............................
Definatkey speak to my T
Definatley weigh up the pros and cons
Definatley consider how I would feel if he denied it or caused me more trouble as a result.

Do you think you would be able to say something to him? Have you considered what you would say and how you would say it? Would it mean everyone knowing what happened if its a small town and are you strong enough to cope with that? Could someone else speak to him?

I know Ive probably just given you more to think about instead of helping you but it is a very difficult choice you have.

My advice.......................... speak to your T and think about all your options before doing anything.

I would really like to know how this works out for you and hope you are able to keep us all up to date. You are in my thoughts.

All the Girls.
XXXXXXXXXX

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((((gem)))))))))))))))))))))))

that's been one of the biggest blocks to my therapy...abusers living all within 7 miles.

i can be done, though. however, it does take longer in my case. for instance, t is just amazed at what i've been able to accomplish with the mother. he said that relationships such as i had with the mother were almost never resolved unless one or both moved from the state. it can be done. it is much more challenging.

what i had to do was realize things for myself and set up emotional and physical safety boundaries. is this possible.

pm if you'd like hon.

[Gemstone]

I talked to my t about this for awhile.

I’m not going to do anything right now. I can’t handle talking to him. I don’t want anyone to know about it within the town. I just want nothing to do with the man anymore. I am still in crisis mode from retrieving the memory.

I really still don’t have an answer. I don’t really care about the business, but I can’t really stop doing business with him without confronting him in some way. I’m a real estate agent and I find investments for him. I’m kind of stuck. For now, I’m not going to change anything business wise. I am going to stop having anything to do with him outside of the office. He goes to a lot of family events because he is a good friend of my father (who gave me to him to abuse).

My father and this other person (and most of my abusers) are old and frail now. I don’t worry about my physical safety, but emotionally it is hellish. My father may not be able to beat me or hurt me in other ways but his words are emotionally crippling to me. I still can’t manage to pull myself away from family obligation even though I know how much it hurts me.

Thank you both for reading and reflecting. It’s helpful to know others are listening.

Gem

(((((((((((((((Gem))))))))))))))

Caroline

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((((((((Gem))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Gemstone]

{{{{{Caroline}}}}}
{{{{{Fuzzybear}}}}}

Thank you both

[shadowdancer]

(((((((((((((Gem))))))))))))))

what a horrible thing to have to put up with. i wish i could say that i had no clue what that felt like, but i do. of course, if i didn't there would be not much point in writing here, eh?

definitely stay away from him in social aspects. family obligations can be overwhelming and frustrating but try to avoid family events that involve him. you don't deserve that kind of emotional torture. it may make you feel guilty but guilt is a little easier than the agony of being around your abusers. ((((((((((Gem)))))))))))

please stay extra safe and take care. i'm always here if you want to talk.


shadow

[wisewoman]

I don't know how you stay connected. Peace.

[Gemstone]

{{{{Shadowdancer}}}}}

{{{{wisewoman}}}}}

[Kathyanita]

Gem
Im late saying this but you are , in my view, quite a remarkable person, I confess to sometimes letting my self look up to you through your writing , when I feel I am very small. . . you show ingenious creativity here in all ways. . .

[Gemstone]

{{{{Nevada}}}}}

Thank you!