[Irine]

Hello.

My first post in THIS forum.

I never believed myself to have any - like i never say "we" i say "me".
I took an online DID test. The basic score to have DID is 30. I got 45.
I did always believe and felt like i do have parts in me. But i knew all my life they were parts of ME!! And also - i do believe this about everybody else!!
Like an "inner child" or i also call this "spirit, oneness, love pure connection with God." I also believe that the movement of the spirit creates the soul - which already is less real then the spirit but...this also has levels in it. Its already more individual to every one.

Anyways as far as my experience (the above is a recent theory of mine) i do know i always had a concept about myself that i can be a good and bad girl etc....the point is i am found doing things i do not remember doing..and my psychologist said "There might be another one inside you that goes and does those things..." when i heard that i felt a moment of recognition

I just read something that someone here posted - about having a protector and another one that SIs - "alters" - i still thinks that they are just CONDITIONS, states of being and not personalities - when we have very radical swings between them and repress - parts of ourself.

Anyways - from the trauma aspect - i do remember a part of me - part of the memories i am feeling like an abused child and part of them...calm feminine and efficient. This has been my "protector" and also - according to the flashbacks - when i was in that state - it helped me to survive. To fight and win....

Well - but you see - i do not feel - yeah i can describe this as "her" - i also have a problem with people calling me a mature woman - i feel like a little young boy! tomboy! And while recalling all the traumatic memories i felt like "her" the mature feminine wise one i have "lost" but i believe this is a repressed part in me! Not a "different personality"! But i understand that since i am not being fully aware of myself....

So this is the situation, more or less. Can this be that i do have the DID?
things.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by ladymacabethadmunsen

Hello.

My first post in THIS forum.

I never believed myself to have any - like i never say "we" i say "me".
I took an online DID test. The basic score to have DID is 30. I got 45.
I did always believe and felt like i do have parts in me. But i knew all my life they were parts of ME!! And also - i do believe this about everybody else!!
Like an "inner child" or i also call this "spirit, oneness, love pure connection with God." I also believe that the movement of the spirit creates the soul - which already is less real then the spirit but...this also has levels in it. Its already more individual to every one.

Anyways as far as my experience (the above is a recent theory of mine) i do know i always had a concept about myself that i can be a good and bad girl etc....the point is i am found doing things i do not remember doing..and my psychologist said "There might be another one inside you that goes and does those things..." when i heard that i felt a moment of recognition

I just read something that someone here posted - about having a protector and another one that SIs - "alters" - i still thinks that they are just CONDITIONS, states of being and not personalities - when we have very radical swings between them and repress - parts of ourself.

Anyways - from the trauma aspect - i do remember a part of me - part of the memories i am feeling like an abused child and part of them...calm feminine and efficient. This has been my "protector" and also - according to the flashbacks - when i was in that state - it helped me to survive. To fight and win....

Well - but you see - i do not feel - yeah i can describe this as "her" - i also have a problem with people calling me a mature woman - i feel like a little young boy! tomboy! And while recalling all the traumatic memories i felt like "her" the mature feminine wise one i have "lost" but i believe this is a repressed part in me! Not a "different personality"! But i understand that since i am not being fully aware of myself....

So this is the situation, more or less. Can this be that i do have the DID?
things.

We cant verify nor deny any diagnoses here but I am told we can say what it "sounds" like in opinion only.

My opinion is that this sounds like too many things for me to pin point any one thing. having others within can be many different diagnosis's depending on your other symptoms.

if you google your symptoms that you posted here you will receive over 1 million selections with all kinds of medical and mental problems that include your symptoms.

Diagnosing DID is a complex and lengthy process of undergoing many mental and psychiatric tests.

that said PTSD does contain some/many of the same symptoms and problems that the diagnosis of DID carries.

My suggestion print off what you have wrote here and contact your doctors. show them this and they will know what testing procedures you need that will enable them to correctly diagnose you.

[(JD)]

Yes, it could be so. You might not be that far in the dissociative spectrum though, and may have "personas" or "ego states" as some might call it.

Not everyone who has D.I.D. has PTSD, and not everyone with PTSD has DID, but the two certainly can, and for some do,"go together."

It wouldn't change anything really, for you, imo. Especially since your T seems comfortable with dealing with all aspects of "you." It might make some happenings better to understand (such as the basic dissociation, time lapses etc.)

Don't push it. If it's so, and you're mind knows you're ready for this stage of knowing, it will come.

[Irine]

yeah - time lapses - and also - i like remember things and doing them - i remember them differently. Today -

I just passed near an old man in the street - not VERY old...like that. guess in his 60 or 50s. He had a bike. He called me sweetie. I was passing and getting away from his bike and he was climbing on it and turning. Rationally afterwards i thought all he wanted was me to move so he doesn`t run his bike into me, but at the moment i started walking faster, my jaw clenched, my body tense but moving freely, sure that this is an old evil ****, that i have seconds - find a stick to push down his throat, or if there is no stick just a fist into his face that will break his nose.

It was like a black hole in my consciousness was tearing the moment i went ahead of his bike and he said "hey sweetie". He followed me on his bike until i crossed the street. When there was an intersection he turned and i understood he wasn`t following me. This is such a similar experience to flash backs.

It was late morning. The crowded city. Nothing.When he was behind i found a place sat and almost crying. All i felt was as if i was nearly raped. I wasn`t. It was just an old fool probably simply asking me to move that silly way! "Hey sweetie". My brain was all calculating attack. My body was all preparing for it. My heart was filled with enormous rage. Such rage...you have no idea.

Then i just felt dizzy and nauseous and wanted to cry. and until now i am feeling like i was nearly raped. I am ****ing TERRIFIED. That was an attack of my consciousness on me!! And until now - well i assume i should quit caffeine altogether..and..well - this incident just made me fall apart - triggering so much more flash backs...

I bought sleeping pills...they helped to calm me down. Not sleep yet.

[Lillyleaf]

For everyone it is diffrent. It is possible... But just because you have PTSD does not mean that you are going to have DID.... you could have a Dissoceative disorder.. but I cant say. Just dont push it. It is fine it will all show up in the time that it is ready. IF you are DID then you are and if you are not then you are not it is that simple...

Try talking to you T or PC doc about it...

[Irine]

i am sure i do not have the type that...how to say it..well...i am not multiple personalities

[brittfly]

welcome!!

[Irine]

thank you brittfly

i appreciate all replies so much! sometimes we don`t get any.

[Irine]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

We cant verify nor deny any diagnoses here but I am told we can say what it "sounds" like in opinion only.

My opinion is that this sounds like too many things for me to pin point any one thing. having others within can be many different diagnosis's depending on your other symptoms.

if you google your symptoms that you posted here you will receive over 1 million selections with all kinds of medical and mental problems that include your symptoms.

Diagnosing DID is a complex and lengthy process of undergoing many mental and psychiatric tests.

that said PTSD does contain some/many of the same symptoms and problems that the diagnosis of DID carries.

My suggestion print off what you have wrote here and contact your doctors. show them this and they will know what testing procedures you need that will enable them to correctly diagnose you.

Hey amandalouise -
Did you really post first? Or are you a moderator who decided that you post needs to be first here for some reason - which is COMPLETELY ok by me!
Just - wondering because i remember so clearly reading JD`s post as the first one yesterday

Or is my memory flawed? Just wondering...because of my memory thing...you know.

[(JD)]

Yeah that is weird eh? (My PTSD also kicks in ) But her post is timed before mine, just didn't show up...

You do know there's a dissociative component to PTSD, right?

[Hunny]

lady,

Well some of what you write of seems familiar to the experiences I have encountered and also want to join with the others here to say Hi on the forum.

It all takes time...even though it does seem to take patience, I'm not good at patience but here we are.

[Irine]

Originally Posted by (JD)

Yeah that is weird eh? (My PTSD also kicks in ) But her post is timed before mine, just didn't show up...

You do know there's a dissociative component to PTSD, right?

Right! and usually dissociative disorders go well together with PTSD:
http://web.archive.org/web/200110240...org/didbr.html

especially this part:
"Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), widely accepted as a major mental illness affecting 9-10% of the general population, is closely related to Dissociative Identity Disorder (MPD) and other Dissociative Disorders (DD). In fact, as many as 80-100% of people diagnosed with DID (MPD) also have a secondary diagnosis of PTSD. The personal and societal cost of trauma disorders [including DID (MPD), DD, and PTSD] is extremely high"

and ...i can feel it!

Thanks so much for reply

[Lillyleaf]

well, if you are DID then you are most likly PTSD, but if you are PTSD you dont have to be DID..... or DD at all... kind of like squares and rectangles

[Irine]

well i don`t know if it matters to make a general statement. But my case is almost clear to me...well. whatever. recalled more flash backs... craziness! they never seem to end!

[Lillyleaf]

I hope it gets better for you

[Irine]

It ALWAYS gets better! Even when its seems to us things go worse!

[sunnygirl1uk]

Originally Posted by ladymacabethadmunsen

It ALWAYS gets better! Even when its seems to us things go worse!

After reading your posts here, im not to sure if you do have Did or its old name of multiple personalities.... but regardless of diganoses its important that you look after youself and care about what you are doing...

Sometimes however suffering from DiD like i do is very complicated and stressfull and not forgetting scary. I get scared a lot about DiD.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by ladymacabethadmunsen

Hey amandalouise -
Did you really post first? Or are you a moderator who decided that you post needs to be first here for some reason - which is COMPLETELY ok by me!
Just - wondering because i remember so clearly reading JD`s post as the first one yesterday

Or is my memory flawed? Just wondering...because of my memory thing...you know.

hi ladymacbethadmunsen
your memory is not flawed.
you did see JD's post first
then mine appeared later

No Im not on the moderation team here at Psych Central.
But the Moderation team here "is" helping me with my posts.

my posts dont appear on the boards right away
I have chosen to have my posts moderated.
I write my posts.
Submit the reply
the moderators check it out
then if no changes need to be made
the moderators puts my posts on the boards,
in the order of time I wrote them and who I am replying to.

[genn]

I was diagnose by 3 T one of them was specialize in DID. I think you should go and get the opinion of a specialize in DID.

Welcome to PC hun !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
we are here to help

Originally Posted by ladymacabethadmunsen

Hello.

My first post in THIS forum.

I never believed myself to have any - like i never say "we" i say "me".
I took an online DID test. The basic score to have DID is 30. I got 45.
I did always believe and felt like i do have parts in me. But i knew all my life they were parts of ME!! And also - i do believe this about everybody else!!
Like an "inner child" or i also call this "spirit, oneness, love pure connection with God." I also believe that the movement of the spirit creates the soul - which already is less real then the spirit but...this also has levels in it. Its already more individual to every one.

Anyways as far as my experience (the above is a recent theory of mine) i do know i always had a concept about myself that i can be a good and bad girl etc....the point is i am found doing things i do not remember doing..and my psychologist said "There might be another one inside you that goes and does those things..." when i heard that i felt a moment of recognition

I just read something that someone here posted - about having a protector and another one that SIs - "alters" - i still thinks that they are just CONDITIONS, states of being and not personalities - when we have very radical swings between them and repress - parts of ourself.

Anyways - from the trauma aspect - i do remember a part of me - part of the memories i am feeling like an abused child and part of them...calm feminine and efficient. This has been my "protector" and also - according to the flashbacks - when i was in that state - it helped me to survive. To fight and win....

Well - but you see - i do not feel - yeah i can describe this as "her" - i also have a problem with people calling me a mature woman - i feel like a little young boy! tomboy! And while recalling all the traumatic memories i felt like "her" the mature feminine wise one i have "lost" but i believe this is a repressed part in me! Not a "different personality"! But i understand that since i am not being fully aware of myself....

So this is the situation, more or less. Can this be that i do have the DID?
things.

[(JD)]

The two disorders do not have to be comorbid...you don't have to have both.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD, is an anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal in which grave physical harm occurred or was threatened. Traumatic events that may trigger PTSD include violent personal assaults, natural or human-caused disasters, accidents, or military combat.

More recently, with the advent of acute stress disorder as a diagnosis, dissociative symptoms have been recognized as important characteristics of this disorder. They are, however, still classified within the context of an anxiety disorder, he said.

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/m.../ai_n29176113/

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks for clarifying that amandalouise

[Irine]

Originally Posted by (JD)

The two disorders do not have to be comorbid...you don't have to have both.


http://findarticles.com/p/articles/m.../ai_n29176113/

JD. I think it is all a matter of severity! It can be dissociative to different points - to acute stress, or just forgetting or DID...so i believe all of this has a point.

My T says that he is actually specified with trauma and dissociative disorders...all that has to so with that. So i am pretty lucky. Really love him He is very good.

He called me this Saturday and told me i called him and..well...never mind. Said pretty threatening stuff. I was like "WHAT ME?!"
Second time it happens - only last week it was more in tears...
God help me lol this is ****ing creepy!

[(JD)]

Good to hear you have a T who specializes in trauma! I also think you have a "keeper."

Rut Roh... well, it's good that "your angry self" felt safe enough to reach out and touch (er yell at or rant to?) Communication is key to healing, so leave it up to him to talk the therapy with all of "you".

[Stephy]

I went through a similar process.

[Irine]

Today he told me that he thinks that i AM actually DID...might be a temporary psychosis, but mostly he believes it IS Dissociative Identity Disorder. He says that it takes YEARS of therapy though......

Has anybody read this book:
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/67920.Sybil
He told me to read it.