something has been bothering me...I can remember everything from age 12 forward....but when it comes to age 11 and younger...I can only remember school...I can tell you where I sat in the classroom, the names of my teachers, my friends, what I did during recess...But when it comes to my home....I have no memory of my bedroom, my toys, my dolls (which my mom says I was highly attached to ) where I sat at the dinner table, who helped me get ready for school...nothing

Has anyone else experienced this? I feel like people think I'm crazy when I tell them...I don't remember..

Yeup, here too. Everything is fragmented. My sister informed me that what my mother did to me scared her into silence........... she refused to elaborate even to this day, so I have no idea what she is talking about, but I have no memories of this. As a consequence my sister developed an eating disorder as a child and is extremely stoic. None of us talk about our childhood memories to each other, never have. However, I have come to depend upon certain dreams as this is where my trauma memories arise from, as verified by my mother when she was alive.

I keep wanting to write my life story. I start out but then I feel very sleepy while doing this and can't continue.

[roadtrip]

I have experienced this as well. I don't remember my childhood not up to about maybe college. It's all so wierd. Did we eat dinner? uh I guess cuz people do that but I don't remember any. I can't remember any birthdays. I think we celebrated them because people told me we did, but I have no memories of any birthdays growing up. Holidays uh no blank except a christmas picture in my head a moment really. I just don't remember my childhood. I've gone with what people told me happened but me myself I don't know.

I haven't been told I have DID or anything really but my T said I do have a signifcant problem with being present. Also I do have experiences of being gone but not knowing where I went. When I come back I know I was gone but I couln't tell you where I was.

I hope others respond to this as well because it is something I am both curious about and frightened of in terms of why I'd do this and what growing up was like and stuff like that.

June_Bug.....I've just started going to therapy (6 months)...I've talked about how the family was after age 12 and my T. convinced me that what I do remember would be "abuse"...I didn't acknowledge it as such before...

My T. doesn't "label" my lack of memories....what does you T. call the lack of memories?

Question for you. When you said ""your T convinced me that what I do remember would be "abuse"", didn't you mean that what you do not remember would be "abuse"? Sorry, didn't understand your comment

The lack of memories is due to abuse or trauma or inconsistent parenting, per my T. Some memories will never be recovered and I am on the fence about that because I do want to remember and know what happened to me.

Originally Posted by Readytostop

June_Bug.....I've just started going to therapy (6 months)...I've talked about how the family was after age 12 and my T. convinced me that what I do remember would be "abuse"...I didn't acknowledge it as such before...

My T. doesn't "label" my lack of memories....what does you T. call the lack of memories?

Sorry for confusion...I remember everything that happened after age 12 and while that was difficult to talk about ...I did not consider that to be abuse..it just was what it was...but my T. says that those things were abusive...

But there is far more shame, panic and anxiety when we try to discuss prior to age 12...every time we do discuss we try to start where I do remember like school...then we either try to back up...like getting ready for school or going forward like getting home from school...but its like hitting a wall...

I too want to remember so badly...

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

something has been bothering me...I can remember everything from age 12 forward....but when it comes to age 11 and younger...I can only remember school...I can tell you where I sat in the classroom, the names of my teachers, my friends, what I did during recess...But when it comes to my home....I have no memory of my bedroom, my toys, my dolls (which my mom says I was highly attached to ) where I sat at the dinner table, who helped me get ready for school...nothing

Has anyone else experienced this? I feel like people think I'm crazy when I tell them...I don't remember..

within me this problem was called DID, Dissociative Amnesia, Dissociative fugue, Depresonalization, Derealization depending on what I was describing.

with my clients at the crisis center and hospital mental unit these things are part of those that have

schizophrenia type disorders / all kinds of personality disorders including borderline and others/ Bipolar disordered / Chronic Depression disordered / PTSD / Alzheimers / sleep deprivation / anemic and other chemical imbalances in the body /cancers /...

the list is endless for what it was in the people we see here including the perfectly normal.

the brain is an amazing thing and in respect to memories saves them differently for everyone depending upon whats important to them at the time, their physical health, their mental health and their life /environmental situaitons.

if you are concerned about it you can contact your medical doctor who can do tests and also refer you to specialists including psychiatrists. when everything is said and done you will know what the problem is with in you and why you have this memory loss or memory block in you.

wow.hmm..ok...well that has me totally freaked out...

Amandalouise...Thanks for sharing all of that. I cant' imagine that I would be willing to tell a medical dr or go to see a psychiatrist...I get strange enough looks from my brothers and sisters when they talk about holidays or birthdays that I have no memory of...

Yeah ...in this case...ignorance may be bliss...I"ll stick to my T.

Hi Readytostop!

I swear I responded to you yesterday but it's not here, so...hmmm. Maybe I'm losing it. Anybody have any extra marbles they are willing to share? J/K

Anyhow, I have very few memories before the age of 10. My mind is a warehouse full of boxes that are packed full of memories in the form of pictures mainly (they can be video too). The ones before the age of ten I can see but they have something black covering them so I can't depict any of the actual image. That is unless the little girl who's in charge of the warehouse removes the black first.

I'm starting just now at age 30 to be able to see the memories. Basically, what I'm saying is you're not alone.

Love and hugs,
tara

[woodruff473]

I am grateful to have found this thread!!! I'm not alone! For a long time I could not remember anything from my childhood before the age of 10. I thought something was wrong with my head... why couldn't I remember my childhood? I know I had one... my mom tells me that we did all kinds of things, but I swear I think she's full of it. My younger brother remembers his... so what's the deal, why don't I remember? Other people I've asked can recall specific parts of their childhood. I only remember horrible traumatic events (see my post in PTSD, "My Traumatic life...."). I have an appoitment with a psychoT and I feel she's going to have a real challenge with me.

Hey woodruff,

How did your appointment with your T go?

Love and hugs,
Tara

[kaliope]

Im in the same boat. I dont have many memories of childhood prior to age 12 as well. i remember those years based on what school i wnt to. we were in the air force so it was a differnt school every year. it was only in 2005 that i began to admit that my childhood was full of abuse. i started exploring the few memories i had and it turns out that they may have been dreams or made up because no one else in the home can verify my experiences. and i look at them and realize that they are not even realistic. i was going to school to become a social worker from 2005 - 2008 and suddenly the abuse of my childhood began rising to the surface. This went into full blown ptsd which exacerbated my bipolar and i ended up having a major breakdown. It has taken years of medication and therapy and i am finally stable now. I still dont have memories though.