All those people are going to want to talk to us. I am trying to tell alice they might not be scary and that we HAVE to talk to them but she doesn't want to. She wants to shut them out. She doesn't believe in it all any more and I am not sure I do either. I don't know what we should do or how much we will be able to do. I'm scared caroline will run away. IF she does and I come out then theyw ill think everything is fine and i know we have to let them see how hard it is. But if alice comes out we won't get anywhere and I don't think we should let shula out at all.

elsie

[allthegirls6]

You all need to be there. Deep breath and best foot forward girls

[Fuzzybear]

Good luck with this elsie!
Take care
Fuzzy

Thank you atg and fuzzy.

we think we should all hide. none of us should go. but ti probably won't make any difference if none of us do go. they won't help us anyway.

[Fuzzybear]

They might.... crossed paws

[allthegirls6]

Caroline,

you need to at least try. Not going, or only half of you going is no good. At the very least You should go. If you dont try you will miss this opportunity.

Just take the bulls by the horns and go

Go and tell them what you tell us. You got to get help for all your bad stuff going on.
Vicki

I'm scared to tell them and I am scared not to tell them.

If I don't tell them the things they need to hear they won't help me for sure.
If I tell them too much they might lock me up.



I want you all to come with me and tell them for me.

There's too much going on at that one meeting - it's an assessment, but it is also a response to my complaint so I can ask the questions they haven't answered.

[Mahali]

Can you write everything down in the safety of your own home? Let if you can everybody write their fears and concerns and take the notebook with you. Or perhaps you have your journalc if you write to each other. Could you take that?

It is important that you go so please go if you possibly can.

Take care.

place

[allthegirls6]

how is everyone today?

thank you place and stg.

I guess having the stress of work removed for a while due to the holidays has helped some, but I still see myself descending into panic very easily. I'm still not sleeping at all well (eg , it's just before 4am here as I am typing this). Yesterday was a very hard day for me as we visited H's brother. Their mother was staying over, and H's brother has 7 children aged 6-19. It was hard. Then the driving was hard too - very busy and snow on the way home (about 60 miels so not too far but took over 2 hours to get back.)
I'm working at getting to a place where I can "use" the hospital appt for my needs rather than for any agenda they may have. So I have 2 main needs - to get put on the waiting list for some kind of therapy and to understand why things have gone so wrong with all my contacts with the hospital. I'm trying to put the therapy need very much first, then if the second isn't addressed (due to lack of time) it will be easier to ask for another appt to deal with that than to try to get another appt for some kind of psychology assessment. But I am so scared still that it will all go wrong and I will not be able to explain myself.
I have so much I still need to do this week before retuern to work. We have visit to my parents for new year to deal with too - I am hoping we can just make it an overnight stop rather than 3 days.
trhanks for caring and for showing me you care.

C et al

[CedarS]

You are inspiring to me, your ability to set priorities, and your focus on making the hospital appointment for your needs rather than whatever they come up with.

Sounds like stressful holidays, that 2 hour drive in busy traffic and snow alone sounds intense. Hope you are able to carve out some breathing room, maybe a bubble bath, anything to help balance out some of the activity.

Sarah, you are such an encouragement to me and I am so glad to see you posting - I have missed seeing you. I can't understand at all how you find me "inspiring" - my own perception of myself is so different. Thank you for giving me an alternative possible view of myself (even if I don't "get" it!)

Today should be a bit easier. Elder daughter is at an orchestra course this week, but H is taking her there this morning while I go to the gym. He's also taking younger daughter and then they are going into town to meet with H's friends. As a sideline, I find it frustrating that he has spent a long time saying how much work he has to do before term starts but no time actually doing it or deciding when to do it. However, maybe I am feeling a bit virtuous - the one good point about getting up at 3.30am today was that I actually managed to do quite a bit of preparation. My reward, I have promised myself, is that I will do some patchwork today.

Thank you Sarah

C

((((((Caroline)))))))
Here's to a good productive hospital visit. Here for you
w_i and all

Thank you w_i

Struggling the last few days. Resorted to valium this afternoon.

C