[Kathyanita]

I cant. Theres people out there in cyber space and in 3D who know how to anhialate me. Any time they want they know where I am and how to destroy me. One of them is my mother.
another one was a superior at work who fooled me into doing what he wanted, used me and now just menaces me every couple weeks.
another one is out there that was a friend I trusted but the rules were too many and didnt work both ways so now hes just out there and silent.
I cant live in fear any more. Waiting for the ambush. I wont.
Kathy (happy new year if i dont see you petunia)

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((kathy)))))))))))))))))

[nothemama8]

Please remember you always have a safe place here, we truely care without this forum how can we stay grounded you my friend help me though those bad time and probably didn't know
{{{{{hugs if wanted}}}}}}}

[Gemstone]

{{{{Kathy}}}}}

[wanttoheal]

(((((((((((Kathy)))))))))))) We care so much for you. You are so important and so worth the fight you are fighting. Thank you for allowing us glimses into your life. I wish you so much peace and protection for the new year and a year free from fear.

[Kathyanita]

thank you guys so much but Im good with deciding I AM NOT WAITING for it this time- the last time- I will call my own shots and make my own rules and CHOOSE my own time!
IN MY HANDS
Im done being told Im bad for saying ouch when my toes get stomped on- even ouch but i know it wasnt on purpose- even that benefit of the doubt still is unacceptable behavior to say IM HURT AND YOU DID IT- nope- i dont get these rules and so im not in this any more.
My own time my own way.

[__zh]

KA,

do whatever you need to for your safety. even if that means a break from these forums. we wish to see you taking care of yourself/ves and not available to be anyone's whipping girl.

stay strong lady.

[Kathyanita]

its NOT about these forums or anybody here- really youve all been great-
Im out of the whole mess in general- the race

Im taking the anhialation and suspense into my own hands because anything is better than waiting for it-

Be well all and take care

[__zh]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Theres people out there in cyber space and in 3D who know how to anhialate me. Any time they want they know where I am and how to destroy me. One of them is my mother.
another one was a superior at work who fooled me into doing what he wanted, used me and now just menaces me every couple weeks.
another one is out there that was a friend I trusted but the rules were too many and didnt work both ways so now hes just out there and silent.
I cant live in fear any more. Waiting for the ambush. I wont.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

it stinks that ppl can create so much havoc and nuisance in our lives just with a few keystrokes or pushes of phone buttons.

we know you to be a survivor and serious kicker of ***** when needed. we'll hope to see you again when the time is right.

(happy new year if i dont see you petunia)

Love and peace to you, Kathy.

You're in my thoughts but more importantly, my heart.

Petunia

(((Kathyanita))))

Please be safe.

Worried for you; know how things can seem impossible and overwhelming.

Caroline

[Kathyanita]

you know- its to the end stage where Id just rather see my own self out of this place then to wait dumb and blind for the kick.
Too tired and shamed to wait for the blow- i rather do it to myself and see it coming and pick the time.
Been here before of course - but I cant stand the being part of being here again- anymore.
Life and death can hang in the use of the language - its a tool thats hideous and also gorgeous and also cuasative and emotive and deadly. I am a fool to have gone near it and tried my voice.
I want to be gone and without a trace of documentary evidence that i ever came through here. Thats my choice. Not possible to erase the evidence of a life but the other I CAN do. I have that right. Peace.

[(JD)]

Boundaries are good. Put them up as high as you need to - to be safe right now. You're right about now being able to live in fear... it really takes it's toll on a person. TC

I do hear what you are saying. It scares me because it is a path i walk parallel to at the moment.
Evidence that you have been here cannot be eliminated, as you say. Even documentary evidence cannot easily be eliminated, and the evidence of the concern and love others have for you will remain. I know it can feel like a cruel tie at times.
I know when times are worst that just checking out how I am feeling helps, even just speaking it. I hope that is true for you.
Thinking positive thoughts for you - which is easier than thinking them for myself!
Peace to you too.

[Mahali]

Kathy I am concerned for you. I think I understand what you are saying. The waiting to be ambushed is as hard at times as the fight. Is there any way to avoid these ambushers that is safe for you?

[CedarS]

You are in my thoughts a lot since you first started this thread. I find myself feeling really anxious and nervous about what I want to say here, but will give it a try.

I read what you wrote as suicidal. Are you? If I am reading you incorrectly, please let me know.

With what you are going through, can we help? Can you let us know what help if any would be welcome? If venting and being listened to works, that is cool. Can you use some suggestions?

Even though I feel like I'm sort of vulnerable by writing all this, I have to. I can't tiptoe around possible danger time. Are you in danger?

Sarah

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((((kathyanita)))))))))))))))
Thinking of you this morning, hoping you are okay. I'm so sorry you are hurting. Hope to hear from you soon.

[Kathyanita]

I REAKLY cant stand this. I playing by all the rules at the mercy of wgatever the rules but damn still get no reassurance like playing freaking peek a boo- like now you see me now you dont.
Honest to god this will certainly make me insane. I tried. Im trying but dam!

Some people have NO CHARITY and its like i shouldve followed my gut in the first place. I hope this was fun. I love being friends with people who dont let you say antything thats not absolute freaking sweet approval. im going to go in for more electricity cause id rather be flatline than in suspaense!.

[Mahali]

Kathy?? I am trying hard to understand. Please help me to.

[Kathyanita]

Im sorry- its just theres no reason to trust that im not bein spied on right here. i have to go so far underground i hit china.
or just stop at the first 6 feet and lie down and rest finally.

[__zh]

don't know what to say KA.

it's been a journey knowing you along this path.

we've learned so much from the writings posted by your name.

we grew fond of you and will remain that way no matter....

kindly,
__zh

[Mahali]

You can pm if you want. I am sorry you can't feel safe posting. That stinks.

Uhmm ....I hear China is nice this time of year so yeah maybe just keep on going past that six foot thing and talk private. pms are nice little fox holes in the war sometimes.

People care about you.

[shadowdancer]

((((((((((((KA)))))))))))))

feeling safe is the most important thing to me in the world... i know how it feels to be afraid all the time. i hope that things can ease off for you so that you can get some relief from that hypertension and stress and fear. let me know if i can help.


shadow