[writingwithink]

Hi everyone. I feel lame for turning to this forum after being away for so many years (and not providing support to all of you during that time), but I would like some advice. Since I was here last, I spent approximately six years in therapy with a trauma specialist. She helped with one of my young parts that always took control over everything in my life, and that part is now mostly inactive. It pops its head up every now and then, but when that happens, it is no longer so consuming of my daily life. This past summer, I realized that I was no longer making progress with that therapist, so I started looking for a new one, and what I really wanted to do was to present without any mention of my dissociation. I didn’t want our work to be consumed with that, so I had planned to not say anything, with the intention of just working on the trauma with her. In our first session, I felt encouraged as she talked about how she would approach the trauma: we would talk about it and determine how it impacts my life today. It appeared that it would be, perhaps, an eclectic approach including cognitive behavioral therapy, psychodynamic, and whatever else.

Today was my second appointment, and during that she asked if I had ever been told I have a problem with dissociation or if I have ever believed that about myself. I was shocked. I thought for a moment I was going to cry because I did not want this to come up. My response to her was that I have had issues with dissociation; however, I would not answer the question about whether I was told that by a therapist and/or whether I have ever believed that about myself. My fear is that the focus is going to become about parts, and that we will never get to processing the trauma. She explained to me what she saw between the first and second sessions, and I knew what she was talking about, but I didn't think it would be that noticeable to someone who has not worked with me. Like the young part that used to control my life, there is what I call a jackass teenager that presents itself as an avoidance technique whenever the topic of trauma begins to come close. That part is what was there last week, and surprisingly, it stayed in the background today, so I guess her seeing two presentations is what did it.

I am concerned about our work being 100% about parts (which is really what the six-year therapist focused on), and I am concerned about what she may think of me. So what do I do now. Do I go in and pretend like it never came up? Do I go in next week and talk openly about it? Good God, I cannot believe this happened after I spent months looking for someone.

hi.
first off, don't feel bad for posting after all this time.. it's okay. that's why we're here.
i'm not the best at giving advice, but if it were me in that situation- I would be honest with her. I've always been taught to be honest, especially with professionals like doctors and therapists.

sooner or later, she'll probably want to talk about it anyway.

does your therapist allow emails or phone conversations when you're not in session?

it may be an idea to tell her... hey, I appreciate what you're doing with me- but I feel such and such needs to be addressed first, and maybe explain what happened before

it's not always a bad thing.. depending on her personality, she might actually listen to you and address these feelings.

this is only 1 opinion, and it's coming from someone who tries to be open in sessions

just know that.

good luck..

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by writingwithink

Hi everyone. I feel lame for turning to this forum after being away for so many years (and not providing support to all of you during that time), but I would like some advice. Since I was here last, I spent approximately six years in therapy with a trauma specialist. She helped with one of my young parts that always took control over everything in my life, and that part is now mostly inactive. It pops its head up every now and then, but when that happens, it is no longer so consuming of my daily life. This past summer, I realized that I was no longer making progress with that therapist, so I started looking for a new one, and what I really wanted to do was to present without any mention of my dissociation. I didn’t want our work to be consumed with that, so I had planned to not say anything, with the intention of just working on the trauma with her. In our first session, I felt encouraged as she talked about how she would approach the trauma: we would talk about it and determine how it impacts my life today. It appeared that it would be, perhaps, an eclectic approach including cognitive behavioral therapy, psychodynamic, and whatever else.

Today was my second appointment, and during that she asked if I had ever been told I have a problem with dissociation or if I have ever believed that about myself. I was shocked. I thought for a moment I was going to cry because I did not want this to come up. My response to her was that I have had issues with dissociation; however, I would not answer the question about whether I was told that by a therapist and/or whether I have ever believed that about myself. My fear is that the focus is going to become about parts, and that we will never get to processing the trauma. She explained to me what she saw between the first and second sessions, and I knew what she was talking about, but I didn't think it would be that noticeable to someone who has not worked with me. Like the young part that used to control my life, there is what I call a jackass teenager that presents itself as an avoidance technique whenever the topic of trauma begins to come close. That part is what was there last week, and surprisingly, it stayed in the background today, so I guess her seeing two presentations is what did it.

I am concerned about our work being 100% about parts (which is really what the six-year therapist focused on), and I am concerned about what she may think of me. So what do I do now. Do I go in and pretend like it never came up? Do I go in next week and talk openly about it? Good God, I cannot believe this happened after I spent months looking for someone.

my opinion is be honest. Im guessing something happened that made her ask so she already knows her answer, maybe she is asking to see if you know the answer. and if so how you want to deal with this part of things when dissociation happens in future sessions.

[Solnutty]

I agree that you should be as honest as possible with your t. Therapy should be directed by the wishes and needs of the client, not the opinion of the therapist.
Speaking only from my own experience, (this probably does not apply to your situation, but is related and may be helpful to someone reading) I started trauma work with a trauma therapist without any knowledge or discussion of parts whatsoever. The result was an uncontrollable overflow of flashbacks, depression, dissociation, and the return of old addictions. The trauma work punched holes through the dissociative barriers between my parts and I, and one of them confronted me (to my shock) and told me he would interrupt the next therapy session if this continued, he said, because I would not be able to handle the memories that were about to surface. He was protecting me, and he was right. I tried to continue the trauma work anyway, though more carefully, but more parts surfaced and confounded my efforts. In my case I have learned that trauma work is essentially work with parts, because they carry the trauma memories. I didn't want to believe I had parts, or that I had to understand and learn to interact with them, because I wanted to just "get better." Also I was fearful and distrustful of my parts. I have another therapist now who specializes in dissociative disorders, who has helped me to accept my parts, understand their functions, and is teaching us to care for each other. I never want to go back to the way it was before.

[Solnutty]

By the way, good trauma therapists expect to find dissociative tendencies in their clients and are trained to look for this, because dissociative coping has a huge impact on how trauma is processed. It would be irresponsible of your t to go without asking these things for any client with a trauma history. Also, it doesn't mean she intends to work with parts (of course I don't know the details of your session) because parts are only a small piece of the total sphere of dissociative symptoms.

[Amyjay]

I think honesty is by far the best way to go too. I think the only way to truly heal would be to work with what is truly there??
My now ex-T was a trauma t but didn't focus our work on parts. From the two sessions I've had with new trauma T I think she places a greater focus on parts because she keeps asking me about them their functions and how they serve the whole etc. I don't know if this way will serve me better or not yet. Time will tell I guess.
I think different Ts even with the same training will have a different approach different strengths different foci but I think its essential for healing to work with what you have rather than pretend large parts of you don't exist.

[writingwithink]

Thank you, everyone, for your advice. I have reflected on this since I met with her and have decided to address it when I return next week. All of your advice was very helpful.

[Amyjay]

I hope you come back and let us know how it goes. It seems to be pretty hard to find a good trauma t to work with and I really hope it works out in a way that will be really helpful for you.
My new t knows my diagnosis because she met with previous t last week so ex t could share info about me including diagnosis history and work in therapy so far. I am not entirely comfortable with that because I still have a lot of amnesia and I know parts of me told ex t things i don't know about it.... which means I don't know about all the things that ex T told new t and I don't like that feeling. I gave permission for that though so i can't complain about it.
But in my session with new t this week (2nd session like you) I was so dissociative and constantly switching from one to the other so even if they hadn't shared info I don't think I could have hidden it anyway.
And for you if you still have DID there probably isn't any way you could hide it in therapy for long no matter how much you yourself don't want to focus on parts. If they are there they will have their own opinions on that and will come to therapy sooner or later and it looks like its happening more on the sooner side!

[zoiecat]

Solnutty... I could have written your post word for word. That is exactly how I learned I had parts. I always knew I had internal voices but didn't know that everyone didn't have the same thing until one threatened to come out and kept telling me to say mean things to T.

Writingwithink....I agree with the others. I would be honest. The more they know the less time they will have to spend figuring things out on their own. Just because you have parts, does not mean you cannot work on trauma. My T is a trauma and EMDR specialist. I didn't know I had parts until we started doing EMDR. Once the parts were discovered T helped me learn to communicate better with them. They are the ones that hold the worst memories and they have to be part of the trauma T. My T works them in. If they come out he will deal directly with them. If they don't, he will always ask me if certain ones are ready to work on their memories. As I get better, they share more and more of their memories with me and slowly the puzzle is being built. Whenever we start and EMDR session T will always ask which parts are coming along for the ride that day. They are participating as well because it involves their memories also. Some days though it is only me. We deal with whatever happens on that day but T never forces me to only work on parts. If they do, I would say something or find another T if that is all they want to work on.

I totally understand the want to not deal with them. I have considered the same thing as you; switching to a new T and not mentioning parts but when it come down to it, the parts are all part of you. So fixing you also means fixing your parts. My T caught me on my BS a couple sessions ago and told me that saying lalalala I don't have parts, I don't have problems, I can deal with it on my own....is not my usually honest straightforward approach and that he sees me trying to pile up the BS so high that is buries all of my issues which is not going to work. I was mad at him for that comment but when I am honest with myself, he is right. So even though I do go in stages and try to ignore my parts for periods of time, I still know they are there and I am going to have to deal with them if I want to get better. Good luck to you. None of us asked for them, but we are stuck with them none the less. Built in family that never goes home, but family none the less that actually didn't let us down; family that took the worst of things so we could survive. I have always found that being loving and accepting of even the worst of them is much more helpful than trying to fight them. Some of my parts with the most destructive personalities have made great strides just by receiving my love and understanding.

[Solnutty]

Wow, Zoiecat, thanks for your post. It's very encouraging to me. I want to save it somewhere so I can read it and remind myself of those things when I get stuck in denial.

[zoiecat]

Solnutty... glad I could help sounds like we're a lot alike just remember you're not alone in the struggle.

[Fuzzybear]

Welcome back

[ruh roh]

writingwithink: how has it been going?

I'm having a similar issue, but with my existing therapist whom I have told I want to work on my deeper issues without the parts work because it's distracting us from the trauma work and, ultimately, dealing with the things I want to get to the bottom of (gender identity and sexuality). She doesn't think I can get there without the parts work and that the trauma work is too triggering for me. So we are battling this right now.

I am ready to walk away from it all. I wondered if I could start over with another therapist and not mention DID, so that's why your post (and situation) is valuable to me right now. Other comments here have been helpful in explaining how parts work can be of benefit, but I am resistant to this. I effing hate DID and just want to deal with the effects of the past without having to spend my life with these other characters. It's been easy to cut them out, but my therapist says they communicate with her and have a different opinion on this than I do. It's maddening. So I am just wondering how you have proceeded in your new therapy and if that's working for you?

[zoiecat]

Ruh Roh, I have felt the exact same way as you. I just want to forget about the parts and I have told me T that many times as I seesaw back and forth with working on and ignoring parts. I am now not in a stage of denial but I have not been actively working with them lately. I would say for about a month now. I have rarely talked to them unless things come up specifically. Anyway, I have learned that they can wreck havoc if I don't. Even though I try to ignore them, I feel the inner turmoil and I am now able to recognize who is upset and over what. Before I knew about DID I guess I just chalked the feeling up for feeling like crap like I usually do. I have had to actually work with some of them to calm their worries and problems and get them working together in order to make my life calmer. I still think it is all too crazy and I want to just start over with someone new and not mention it.

I feel your pain. It is such a struggle and I go back and forth all the time. I would love to hear from someone who has successfully switched T and not said anything about DID. My personal feeling is that it will eventually come to light again though. Good luck to everyone in this situation. The struggle is so real.

[ruh roh]

Thank you zoicat. I would like to hear from someone who's done that as well. Since it wasn't apparent to my current therapist for more than a year, and no therapists prior to this said anything about it, I think it would be possible to start over and never go down this path. I don't care what the fallout is internally. I just can't get on board with the DID and parts work any longer.

[writingwithink]

Ruh roh and everyone else, thank you for continuing to add your thoughts to this thread. This week will be my fifth session with the new psychologist. After the second week when she asked me if I had ever been told that I have a problem with dissociation or if I had ever suspected it myself, I was stressed for two weeks. I had felt so relieved that I had found, after interviewing multiple therapists, someone whose style and expertise instilled hope in me, but when she brought up the dissociation (in the second session), I was so deflated and began to lose hope.

During the third session, she asked me more questions about my background, and there were a couple times that I started to dissociate and she pointed it out, which I found to be incredibly helpful, as the other therapists I've worked with in my past had not done that... at least from what I remember.

After my third session, I continued to stress over her knowing about the dissociation. In addition to me not wanting to focus on that anymore in therapy, I was also stressing about whether she would think I was making it up, so I was reluctant to talk about it. So between weeks two and four, I stressed, contemplated, and ultimately decided that on week four, I would go in and proactively answer her question about whether I had been told by a therapist about my dissociation or whether I had figured it out myself. I thought long and hard about how to approach this conversation, and I committed to myself that I would answer any questions she would have. Last week was that week, and I did exactly as I had planned. It was the first time I led the conversation, and I told her some of the details. My memory is a little sketchy from that conversation, and I don't believe I talked about any specific parts, but, rather, talked about my overall journey from being told that I had a dissociative disorder and how it progressed throughout my life thus far. I left feeling hopeful again, mostly because I believed that she believed me. Each week I leave with some type of homework, and this past week I was to ask my former therapist what diagnosis she used. I have since had that conversation and am back in a reluctant state to talk about this with the new therapist because I do not want a diagnosis to become the main point in therapy.

So I am not sure what I am going to do this week, my fifth week. I had considered printing portions of the email out from my former therapist which gave her diagnosis and talked about her assessment of some of my parts. If I do that, am I inviting too much focus on parts? I don't know. Or should I go in and say, "These are all the ways in which I am having difficulty in my life right now."

Regardless, what I want to do is cooperate and give her what she needs, even though my teenage jackass part usually shuts that down. And that being said, maybe I've solved my approach to this week's session by typing all of this out in this thread. Maybe I should go in and say, "I feel very hopeful about your skill and ability to help, so there are a lot of different directions I could go in, but I am trusting you to ask me what is needed in order for you to help. Is me telling you about my parts what is helpful? Or is it that we should talk about how my life is impacted by the trauma?"

I am interested to hear all of your experiences as you move through your own work.

[ruh roh]

Thank you for the update. Please keep us posted. I am especially interested in finding out if your therapist can/will work with you without a focus on parts. Mine has said she doesn't think I can improve without it, and she says I get too triggered to work on deeper issues and it's not safe (I have injured my hands pretty badly already when triggered in session). I'm not sure if that means I will need to end therapy. I guess I will find out next session.

[elevatedsoul]